


My Life Extended

by LyricalKris



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Drama/Hurt/Comfort, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-20
Updated: 2012-06-20
Packaged: 2017-11-08 05:13:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 57,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/439537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyricalKris/pseuds/LyricalKris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bella knew her best friend fled Forks at the end of a bad relationship. She thought that she was helping Alice settle her past when she agreed to talk to her ex, but Jasper was the one who seemed jaded. What does it take to re-write first impressions?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: Asking Too Much

**Author's Note:**

> [ ](http://s118.photobucket.com/albums/o82/lyricalkris/Twilight%20Fanfic%20Stuff/?action=view&current=MLE1-1.jpg)

**Dedication: For Melly. I'm really happy I met you, even though you make me write non-canon and think about Carlisle and Bella sexing it up (NOT IN THIS FIC OMFG).**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them, they own me...but Stephenie owns them so I guess she owns me. Thanks SM.**

" _ **I want somebody who can make me**_

_**Scream until it's funny**_

_**Give me a run for my money**_

_**I want someone who can**_

_**Twist me up in knots**_

_**Tell me, for the woman who has everything**_

_**What have you got?"**_

_**~Asking Too Much, Ani DiFranco**_

"I don't think he's as well endowed as his frame suggests."

Bella Swan balked and nearly spewed the water she'd been drinking all over the nicely dressed people in front of her. She was at a fashion show, sitting next to her best friend, Edward Cullen. Fashion was not her thing, but Bella was fairly sure that spit takes were frowned upon. Everybody's hair was just so... done.

Edward clapped her on the back a few times, being helpful. "She's so little. He'd snap her right in two," he continued with his commentary as she coughed and sputtered.

"Ow, thanks for that visual," Bella rasped. Edward wasn't particularly fond of fashion either, though you would never know it by looking at him. The man made anything look good, and no one would believe that his hair looking like that was an accident. But, no, neither of them were attending this show to look at the dresses.

Bella, Edward and a handful of Alice' Whitlock's closest friends had been flown to New York by her boyfriend, Felix Scarpinato. Felix's father and uncle, Aro and Caius Scarpinato, along with their partner Marcus Betaluci, were the men behind the Volturi Italian fashion empire. In other words, Felix was very, very, ridiculously rich. Not that it was so important to Alice, but hey - who was going to complain when their boyfriends spoiled them with high end fashion merchandise?

In all honesty, the money was just a perk of the Felix package (not the one Edward was currently trying to size up). Rather than spending his father's money on alcohol, drugs, and very yappy type dogs, Felix fueled his thirst for knowledge and new experiences. He spent half of every year thoroughly exploring something - be it another country, an interest, or whatever else he found a passion for. And he read... a lot. That especially suited Alice. She was a book editor by trade, and nothing saddened her more than when someone remarked that they didn't read.

It couldn't be said that Felix wasn't a catch. He was smart, rich, and handsome to boot. Alice was a very lucky woman.

Alice wasn't aware that her friends were behind her, watching her and Felix where they were at in the front row. She was completely enraptured by the show on the stage - a new collection of wedding fashions from the Volturi's newest line.

"I'd imagine it would have its advantages," Edward mused, ignoring Bella's distaste. "I mean, she's so light it'd be like a plug and play. Just pick her up and go."

Luckily, Bella had stopped trying to drink her water at that point. "Edward!"

"Do you suppose she can wrap her legs all the way around his waist? I really doubt it."

"EDWARD!" she protested, a little louder than she'd intended. She earned a few nasty looks from the people in front of them.

Edward just laughed and held his hands up, palms out, in an apologetic gesture. Bella glared and crossed her arms. He sighed a little, looking down, and then looked up at her from underneath his long, long eyelashes.

She fought it, pursing her lips, but eventually Bella couldn't help but crack a smile. "Cheater," she muttered, looking back at the couple.

Edward just laughed again.

Before he had a chance to get back to his teasing, they noticed Felix lean down - very far down - to whisper something to Alice. He got up then and slipped off. "Time for the big show," Bella murmured, feeling her heart speed up in anticipation.

Rather than change into a different dress, as was usual for a fashion show, the models all remained in their dresses. Instead of disappearing once they were done strutting the runway, each stood off to the side, striking a pose. Currently the stage was lined with models.

Then, instead of another model, Felix walked out. The crowd began to murmur, only a few of them in on what was going on. He looked straight out at Alice and asked her to join him on the stage. Obviously confused, but unafraid of the cameras that were snapping away, Alice went to stand beside him at the front of the runway.

Felix asked his unsuspecting girlfriend if she liked the dresses. Alice demurred that they were lovely.

Felix dropped to one knee. Alice's hand, the one that Felix wasn't holding, shot to her mouth as she gasped. Later, Alice would be glad that the brief flicker of panic that shot across her face was mistaken as shock. It was actually a funny picture as Felix wasn't that much shorter than Alice when he was kneeling. Still, it was sweet. He was grinning at her adoringly. The love he had for her was easy to see in his eyes.

He proposed, adding that if she said yes she could have her choice of any dress on the stage. It seemed a superfluous offer on top of the ring he was presenting her with. He'd shown it to Edward and Bella that morning. It wasn't huge – as well it shouldn't be, Alice's fingers being as dainty as they were – but it was littered with diamonds.

Of course, Alice said yes. The crowd went wild as Felix swept his new fiancée up into his arms, cradling her – bridal style, as it were – as he kissed her, and kissed her, and kissed her.

And though she was deliriously happy for her friend, Bella's heart gave the tiniest, jealous pang. Not that she would have enjoyed the pageantry – she would have hated that. But it was perfect for Alice, and therein was what Bella longed for. She was a fiercely independent woman, and she didn't need a man to make her content with life. Still, she had to admit that this would be nice – someone who openly adored her the way Felix adored Alice; someone who knew her well enough, and loved her well enough, to do something tailored specifically to her.

It was a beautiful thing to see.

Bella tried her best to push that feeling away. Felix was heading their way with a beaming Alice firmly glued to his side. She wanted her friend to see nothing but her sincere happiness for her.

~0~

Alright, let it be said that Felix didn't typically spend his father's money on alcohol. His engagement, however, was a special occasion. Alcohol was served in copious quantities at the grand celebratory party he threw that evening.

Luckily, Felix had also spent his father's money on luxury suites for all the friends he'd had flown in... at the same hotel where the party was.

"Come on, sweetheart. Just a few more steps to go."

"You don't have to baby-sit me, Edward," Bella mumbled. "I'm not that drunk."

The way she was leaning on him took the air out of her argument. Edward chuckled. "I know that, Bella. You know me. I would just worry that you'd end up in an unconscious heap at the bottom of the stairs. It would keep me up all night."

"Oh. Well, if it keeps you from worrying…" she muttered, forgetting that she was in a hotel and the stairs were actually very much out of her way. It was more likely she'd pass out in the elevator. Then she frowned. Her keys weren't working. The lock seemed to be missing. What…

Highly amused, Edward picked the keycard out of her purse and opened the door smoothly, walking with her into the overly large room. While she hummed nonsensically, he turned down the covers and guided her into bed. She lay down without fuss but tugged on his arm until he lay down with her, his chest pressed against her back.

She sighed.

He chuckled again, a little sad as he ran his fingers through her hair. "It's never easy, is it? To be happy for your friends when you're alone?"

"I am happy for her. After all she's been through, Alice deserves this," Bella said firmly.

"Of course she does," Edward soothed. "You deserve it, too," he added after a moment, his tone completely sincere.

Bella didn't answer at first. Then she sighed. "I really don't need a man to be happy. I am happy."

"But it's okay to feel lonely. I feel it too, sometimes. Like tonight. They looked so good together. It would be nice to have someone look at you the way they looked at each other," Edward murmured wistfully. "It would be nice to have someone to share your life with."

"Mmm," Bella mumbled in agreement. She turned in his arms. "It's too bad you ruined me for other men. They just aren't as sweet as you are."

Edward grinned in that lopsided way of his. "I adore you, Bella. You know that. Sometimes I wish it were different for us."

"Yeah…" she answered. Then she grinned at him. "Is it just the penis? You know, I can buy a penis. I mean, I already lack the ample bustline of what's supposed to be all that is female."

Laughing, Edward stroked her cheek tenderly. "Baby, you are all woman. Trust me on this one. And you're drunk. Go to sleep before the room starts to spin."

"Okay," Bella agreed surprisingly quickly. She closed her eyes obediently, and fell asleep.

**A/N: Annnd so it begins.**

**Thanks to josieswan for beta'ing and my darling Makkitotosimew for help with the title. Mwah.  
**

**First, I'd like to say that this is a birthday present fic, and I don't intend to update again until October 2nd. Hehe. I have to finish the last chapters of two of my other fics anyway. But you should know – no update until October 2nd so that my darling Melly can meet her Jasper on her birthday.**

**Second, this is the part where I IMPLORE you to review. Thoughts? Initial guesses? Felix and Alice – ikr? Eww! Let me know.**

**  
**


	2. The Love We Left Behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedication: Merry Birthday Melly.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own them, they own me...but Stephenie owns them so I guess she owns me. Thanks SM.

" _ **I can't remember when it was good**_

_**Moments of happiness elude** _

_**Maybe I just misunderstood** _

_**All of the love we left behind** _

_**Watching the flash backs intertwine** _

_**Memories I will never find"** _

_**~Falling Away With You, Muse** _

"Do you know how you just put something off, and put something off, and it just gets to be bigger than it probably needs to?"

Bella looked across the room at her good friend, raising her eyebrow warily. They were back home in Seattle after spending a long weekend in New York celebrating Alice's engagement. Alice had come to her apartment after work, wringing her hands together fitfully.

Bella had noticed that her friend looked a little worried from time to time over the weekend, and it wasn't like Alice to worry. She hadn't had a chance to ask her about it as this was the first time they'd been alone since Alice was engaged. "Alice, you're not going to tell me that you meant to break up with Felix ages ago, and now you don't know how to get out of your engagement, are you?"

Alice's head snapped up and her eyes widened. "What? No! No. I want to marry Felix. I can't wait to marry Felix," she said fervently.

"Alright," Bella calmed, breathing a sigh of relief. "What's the problem then?"

For a long while, Alice didn't speak. Instead, she clutched at the pillow on Bella's couch, squeezing it in her hands like a stress ball. The tension between the two women mounted and finally, Bella couldn't take it anymore. "Jeez, Alice, spit it out. Is it really that bad?"

"No. Yes... I don't know," Alice cried. She let go of the pillow and covered her face with her hands.

Quickly, Bella stood from where she was curled up on her armchair and went to sit next to Alice. The other woman was all about theatrics but dramatic she wasn't. She put her arm around her friend. "You're scaring me."

"It's just that... well... I'm married," Alice blurted, the sound muffled by her hands over her face.

Bella was sure that her heart skipped two beats. "What?" she asked brilliantly.

Tears slipped down Alice's cheeks and she sniffled. "I really didn't mean for it to happen like this. It's just that...when I left Forks, I was so lost. Everything was so uncertain and scary."

"I know, Alice. I know. I was there," Bella murmured soothingly.

Though they were the same age, Alice had been a year behind Bella when they met at the University of Washington. Back then, Bella had been a sophomore working at the front desk of the counseling office on campus. For days on end, she saw a nervous looking, young woman peer in the doors, but she never went in.

From the first day, Bella was concerned. The poor girl's shoulders drooped from the weight of whatever burden she bore. Her tiny frame made her look exceptionally vulnerable. After a few days of watching her flit up to the doorway and away like a startled little butterfly, Bella enlisted Edward's help to bring her in safely. Edward had a very gentle nature when he wanted to. It was what made him an excellent psychologist.

The day Bella met Alice officially, she and Edward had hatched a plan. When Alice peered nervously into the glass doors of the counseling office that day Bella looked her straight in the eye and smiled warmly. The frightened little thing had looked startled, and she'd quickly turned to walk away. She hadn't gone ten steps before Edward called to her in his soft, melodic, inviting tone.

Quiet and unassuming, he'd asked for something generic - directions to to one of the dormitories. Alice had stuttered nervously. Edward observed that she was new there, and started to ask unobtrusive, open-ended questions. It was like watching a man sit perfectly still in a field, his palms held out, until the butterfly fluttered right into his cupped hands.

Little by little, they'd gotten Alice to open up about her past.

That nervous, twenty-year-old woman wracked by anxiety had long since become the vivacious, strong twenty-seven year old woman that Alice was now. It had been a long time since Bella had seen her friend this upset, reminding her far too much of that lost girl she had been.

"What do you mean you're married, Alice?" Bella prompted when her friend seemed a bit calmer.

Alice took in a shuddering breath, closing her eyes and staring at the floor. "You remember everything I told you about my ex?" she asked in a whisper.

"Of course."

Alice only ever referred to him as her ex, but had told Bella once, a long time ago, that his name was Jasper. She knew that their relationship had been borderline abusive. After an accident that killed her parents and almost Alice herself, she had been in the hospital for a long time. Instead of going back home to Forks like she was supposed to, Alice had run. She'd started life anew in Seattle, living off of the money her parents had left her, as well as the settlement money from the accident.

"He wasn't just my ex-boyfriend," Alice admitted finally. "We were married. We  _are_ married."

"Oh, Alice," Bella breathed, squeezing her friend's shoulders tightly as her head reeled.

The other woman started crying quietly again. "At first everything was just so overwhelming. I couldn't even think about the fact that I was married. I was scared that he would come after me, but when I told him to stay away, he did." She shrugged helplessly. "Then, I don't know... years passed like nothing.

"When things with Felix looked serious, I started looking into it. I even filled out the paperwork, but..." she trailed off.

"You haven't sent it," Bella supplied.

Alice shook her head slowly.

"Why?"

"Because when I told him to leave me alone, the last time, he promised he would. But he said that if I tried to divorce him, he would contest it," Alice explained, her voice quavering with emotion.

Taking a deep breath, Bella considered this. "Well, you have to try to serve him the papers."

"I know. I know," Alice said, nodding her head and blowing her nose into the tissue that Bella had proffered. "I was thinking about trying to go there, and talk to him myself but..." Again she trailed off, this time getting visibly upset at the very idea.

"Deep breaths," Bella prompted, rubbing her friend's back in slow, slow circles. Though it had been years since Alice's last panic attack, Bella recognized the signs easily enough. She had started breathing hard and blinking sporadically. Her face had a sickly, gray pallor to it. "Hold on a second, Alice."

Quickly, Bella ran to the kitchen, taking a bottle of water out of the fridge. She opened it and handed it to Alice, noticing how the bottle trembled in her shaking hands. Alice drank and started to calm down again.

"You know, you can hire someone to serve him the papers directly if you think he'll dodge them by mail," Bella suggested carefully. "A sheriff, or a paid liaison."

Alice shook her head vehemently. "If he chooses to contest the divorce he could draw this out for years... and there will be no way I can keep this from Felix."

"So you want to try and settle this as quickly as possible, without lawyers or sheriffs that might set him off," Bella concluded. "Do you want me to go with you?" she asked quietly.

Breathing deeply, Alice gave a humorless laugh. "I don't know what I want. I'm just… I get so worked up even thinking about it. I don't know what I'll do when I see him again."

 _And no one wants to face their ex looking wrecked_ , Bella thought inwardly. She considered how she would feel in Alice's place. She would want to seem like a tower of strength, especially to a man like Jasper who'd preyed on Alice's weaknesses.

Then she remembered how scared Alice was in the beginning, and how every time she'd comforted her friend when she cried, Bella had wanted to confront the man responsible. Back then she'd felt helpless. Overcoming something like Alice had gone through took time, and it was frustrating knowing that all you could do was just be there.

"Well, why don't you let me take care of it then," Bella suggested.

Alice's head shot up. "What?"

"You're allowed to have someone over the age of 18 serve him the papers. Let me talk to him," Bella grinned. "I'll just tell him you're far too busy doing important things."

Giggling a little at that, Alice smiled tentatively. "You would do that for me? He's…intimidating."

"Pffft," Bella scoffed. "Let him try to intimidate me. Worst case scenario, we took those self-defense courses, right?"

Alice looked a little green at the thought of Bella needing to use self-defense courses. "I don't think… I mean, he wasn't like  _that._ " She frowned. He'd never been violent with her - a little pushy, perhaps, but he hadn't hit her. "But who knows. It's been eight years."

"He's probably a pathetic, unemployed s.o.b. with a beer belly," Bella returned.

Considering this, Alice smiled again. Then she hugged Bella tightly, laying her head on the other woman's shoulder. "Thank you," she said sincerely.

~0~

Bella had not set foot in Forks since she was a little over a year old. It was one of those odd coincidences of life that she had been born in this tiny town and yet she'd met Alice by chance at the UDub.

Her mother, Renee, had hated Forks enough that she'd left her father, Charlie. However, Charlie had followed her to Phoenix and successfully wooed her back. He'd given up the small town he'd loved for his wife and child.

Still, Bella had grown up hearing her father's wistful tales about life in Forks. Throughout high school, Bella had grown more and more distant from her peers. Though she loved the sun, she decided to see if her father's home state – her birth state- spoke to her. She'd found Edward and then Alice. She'd stayed.

But leaving the big city for a town as small as Forks was where she drew the line.

It was, perhaps, an omen that no sooner had Bella crossed into Forks than she was given her first reason to hate the little town. A cop cruiser peeled out of the shade of the trees, its lights flashing in Bella's mirror.

"Shit," she cursed to herself as she pulled over. She'd seen the speed limit sign, significantly lower than the speed she'd been going. However, the sign had been just a few seconds prior to the cruiser's mostly hidden location.

Sighing, Bella rolled down her window, watching in the mirror as a cop about her age with spiky blond hair sauntered up. "Good morning ma'am," he greeted pleasantly.

She didn't know if it was because she was already nervous about finding Jasper Whitlock or if the irritation that raced through her when the officer gave her a once over was too much, but Bella found herself mouthing off as she handed over her license and registration. "That's a nice speed trap you have going there."

Now, Bella normally had a natural respect for cops. Charlie was a cop, in fact. However, well… this was just an off day.

The officer – M. Newton his badge read – looked amused. "Well, Isabella-"

"Bella."

Another grin. "Bella, if you have a problem, you can bring it up at the station."

Knowing she'd already said too much, Bella kept her mouth shut before she could snap at the officer again. He was just doing his job after all.

But he didn't have to look like he was enjoying it quite so much.

Officer Newton finished writing out the ticket, handed it to her with a friendly smile, and wished her a good day, helpfully informing her of the town's speed limit. He walked away whistling merrily.

Annoyed – with the officer and with her own irritation – Bella started her car again. She tapped on her steering wheel, considering what she was going to do. When she and Alice had looked, they'd found Jasper Whitlock's address and phone number easily enough. Calling him was out of the question – it was impersonal and gave him a chance to get defensive. Then again, showing up at his house would probably be a worse idea.

Alice had given Bella the names of the few classmates she remembered from high school. Forks was a small town – Bella had figured that it couldn't be that hard to locate Jasper by just asking around.

Well, the police station seemed like as good a place to start as any. Surely the officers knew most of the people around town. She could kill two birds with one stone. She'd start asking around about Jasper, and she could contest the unfair ticket at the same time.

Decided, Bella pulled back out onto the highway and continued into Forks.

The police station wasn't hard to find. Bella found it inside of ten minutes. She stepped inside, ruefully noting that it looked nothing like the police stations she'd seen on television. The room she stepped into housed many filing cabinets and five desks. There were a few doors beside that, one of which Bella assumed led to a few holding cells in the back. Only two of the desks were currently occupied.

"May I help you?" said the officer at the desk closest to the door. The placard on her desk identified her as an Officer Angela Cheney. She looked, if anything, younger than Bella.

"Yes, um," Bella dug through her purse, trying to figure where she'd left her ticket. "I just got a citation, and I wanted to see who I could discuss that with."

"You want to contest the ticket?" Officer Cheney asked, looking confused.

"Yes, Officer Cheney-"

"You can call me Angela."

That caught Bella off guard and she paused, startled. Then she nodded and continued. "Angela, it's just that the sign-"

This time Bella was cut off by the ringing phone.

"One moment please," Angela said, holding up a finger. She picked up the phone, "Forks Police Department." She listened for a moment, and then a grin came over her features. "Well, now that seems very serious, ma'am. Give me one moment and I'll get you right to the Sheriff." Still smiling, Angela put the caller on hold and called over to her right, "Emergency in the town of Spoons!"

"I got it," a deep, smooth voice responded. All Bella could see was the back of the man's head as he reached for the phone on his desk. He had honey blond hair – thick, honey blond hair – short enough to be neat but long enough to get that voluminous look that typically eluded men. "This is the Sheriff of Spoons, how can I help you?... Oh, well that sounds like a tricky situation, Officer Tanya. I'm going to need my best officer on that. Hmmm. Who can I trust to be tough enough, and brave enough, and strong enough to tackle a criminal of that type?"

Bella must have looked perplexed as she turned back to Angela because the other woman chuckled. "His daughter, I'm assuming?" Bella asked, curious.

A hint of sadness came over Angela's face before she pushed that back and smiled again. "No, he has no children. Tanya is the five year old daughter of his neighbors – Kate and Garrett Damon. She's a very bright little girl, and very creative. She and Garrett usually get into the role-playing games that she makes up." Angela's lips turned down slightly as she continued. "But, Garrett is away a lot on business, and Kate…well, that kind of game is just not her forte, you know?

"So, about a year ago, he," Angela nodded at the blond officer who was still talking on the phone, "happened to answer a call from Tanya. She said there was an emergency. Caused quite a ruckus around here until Jasper figured out she was just playing. Now he lets her call as long as she knows that if he's busy, or needs to go, playtime is over. He came up with the Spoons thing – so we would know for sure that she was playing, and if it was a real emergency she would say Forks."

Bella's heart warmed and seemed to expand in her chest. She always appreciated moments like these. In a world where one so often heard about the atrocities people were capable of, the good things were very rarely recognized. Here was a man who took time out of his day to indulge a child who wasn't even related to him. She was willing to bet it eased the pain of Tanya's father being gone, just a little. "He couldn't be a Sheriff though," she mused out loud.

"No," Angela agreed. "He's Lieutenant-"

"Lieutenant Jasper Whitlock, ma'am. And who might you be?"

Bella's tongue seemed stuck.

He didn't look like a cop. He looked like a male stripper at a bachelorette party dressed up as a cop. His uniform hugged the musculature of his arms and hinted that his abs might be just as defined. His face was handsome in that way that bordered on the obscene, especially with the way he was smiling at the moment. For the first time, Bella understood how Alice could let herself be manipulated by this man. When he looked at her with that grin, her brain seemed to melt a little. Panty dropping was the least of her worries. She would have dropped her panties  _and_ killed her own mother if he asked.

But his eyes didn't look even remotely mischievous. Mostly, he looked questioning, waiting to see how he could help her. And even though he was smiling, he looked worn - inherently sad somehow.

Bella shook her head harshly. Her brain was stuck on confused. Two seconds ago. this guy had been the type of man who would spend time out of his own day playing games with a lonely five-year-old who missed her daddy. This guy was a police officer, and Bella had grown up believing if there was one person you could always trust, it was a cop.

She couldn't quite reconcile that impression with the image she'd built up in her head after so many years of knowing Alice. She'd imagined eyes of cold, calculating ice blue. In her mind's eye he was all harsh expressions and gruff voice. Nothing like this tranquil, cerulean blue gaze and wide, honest smile.

Before she had to answer his eyes turned curious as he peered at her. "Do I know you?" he asked, tilting his head and squinting a little.

"No," she said too quickly.

He snapped his fingers, his eyes widening slightly. "I'm sure I've seen you. On TV or something, right?"

Bella's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "I'm not on TV," she said slowly, her mind kicking into high gear again. There was absolutely no reason she'd look familiar unless...

Unless he was keeping tabs on Alice. If he was a cop, he'd have the resources.  _Oh, Alice_ , she thought, pushing the last of her positive feelings toward Jasper away.

"What did you say?" Jasper asked, his voice taking on an edge. He stepped toward her unconsciously.

Had she spoken out loud? "I didn't say anything," Bella responded.

"You did. You said 'Alice.'"

"I didn't say Alice. This isn't Wonderland, and I don't know you. Look, I have to go," she babbled, quickly turning on her heel. A strong grip on her elbow restrained her and Bella whirled. "Get your hands off me!"

"Ma'am," Angela said softly, her eyes darting between Bella and Jasper in confusion. "You said you wanted to contest a ticket right?"

Bella huffed, confused before she remembered her original purpose. "It doesn't matter. I'll contest it in writing." She turned to leave again.

"Wait!"

Against her better judgment, Bella stopped and turned again, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring. "What?"

Jasper wasn't smiling anymore. His eyes were narrowed, quite a bit closer to the icy cold version she'd originally expected. "Let me see your ticket," he commanded, holding his hand out.

Hesitantly, reminding herself that she was actually in a police station, Bella dug the ticket out of her purse and handed it to him. He yanked it out of her hand more aggressively than was absolutely necessary. His eyes scanned the information there, and then he grabbed her arm again. "Speeding twenty-five miles an hour over the speed limit is a criminal offense. I'm afraid we're going to have to take you in," he gritted out between clenched teeth.

"What?" Bella shrieked as he started to drag her toward the back where she was sure the holding cells were. "I wasn't going that fast."

He wasn't listening. He just continued to drag her, ignoring her protests and Angela's questions. He didn't let her go until he'd shoved her into a cell and slammed the door behind her. He locked it without looking at her, and stalked away.

She yelled uselessly for a few minutes at the closed door before she gave up. Furious didn't even begin to describe her mindset at that point. Livid was a little closer. With a growl of frustration, Bella sat heavily on the cot, rubbing at her wrist. He hadn't grabbed her that hard, but hard enough that she felt his touch on her skin.

The words 'borderline abusive' echoed in her head. He'd never hit Alice, not really, she'd told Bella. He'd grabbed her a few times, shaken her, but never left a mark on her. It seemed he was much the same.

Bella wasn't stupid or naive enough not to be wary. He had power and obviously wasn't afraid to use it. What that meant for her, she couldn't know just yet.

About ten minutes had passed before the door opened again. Bella stood, instantly squaring her shoulders. Fuck him if he thought she was going to bow to his bullshit. But it wasn't Jasper who stood in the doorway, it was Angela.

Her face was an apologetic mask. "Miss Swan-"

"My name is Bella," she said coldly, more to exert control over the situation than to encourage any kind of familiarity between them.

"Bella," Angela corrected. "I would like to express, on behalf of the Forks Police Department, my sincere apologies for Lieutenant Whitlock's actions."

"What, he's not enough of a man to come in here and apologize to my face?" Bella spat before Angela could attempt to placate her any further. By then the officer had the cell door open and Bella was standing on the outside as quickly as she could get there. On a shallow level, it irritated her that she couldn't claim to have never seen the inside of a jail cell now.

"Miss Swan," came a gentle, contrite voice from the doorway.

"Bella!" she all but bellowed.

Jasper's lips pressed together in a line as he visibly took a deep breath. "Bella. Of course I want to apologize. The only reason I asked Angela to come in here first was because I didn't want to upset you any further."

"That's something you should have thought of before you were trampling all over my civil liberties," Bella responded icily.

Another deep breath. "I know. And for what it's worth I'm very, very sorry. I'm not going to offer you any excuses - I know what I did was inexcusable-"

"And an insane abuse of power," Bella inserted.

Jasper swallowed audibly but nodded. "Yes. But if you'd like to listen, I'd like to explain my...over reaction."

Then it was Bella who was taking deep breaths, forcing back her immediate impulse to tell him to go fuck himself and get on the phone with the first lawyer she could think of. She wasn't about to let him off the hook easily, but on the other hand, if she was going to accomplish what she'd come here to do she was going to need to be patient with him.

Finally, she gestured that he should continue.

A look of relief came over his features, and he nodded toward the door. "It's better explained if you see something."

When he was sure that she was following him, he looked over his shoulder at her. "It's just, when you said Alice's name, I remembered where I'd seen you. Now, I don't watch the E network very much, but a friend of mine does." As he spoke, Bella could hear his voice get tight, almost pained. "It seems you attended a fashion show last week."

He sat at the desk Bella had seen him in earlier and spun the monitor around. Jasper had an entertainment website pulled up. On it was an article about Felix's engagement to Alice. The picture shown was from when Alice had dashed into the audience to celebrate with her friends. Bella's face was very clear.

Jasper pointed to Alice, his finger just above her head - conveniently covering Felix's face. "Your friend...is my wife."

Bella swallowed, surprised at how sedated he sounded. She debated with herself briefly before deciding, at this point, honesty was the best policy. "I know," she admitted.

His eyes snapped to hers, shock rippling across his face. "You know?"

"You think it's a coincidence I'm here?" she countered.

His lips twitched and he looked back at the screen. "I thought you were here fighting a speeding ticket."

"That's why I'm at the police station. I'm in Forks looking for you."

"Why?"

Bella nodded at the screen. "Shouldn't that be obvious?"

Jasper didn't speak immediately. "She wants a divorce," he said, his voice completely flat and lacking inflection. Not knowing what to say, Bella just waited.

"Who are you? Her lawyer?"

"No," she said, letting the full force of her irritation slip back into her voice. "I'm her friend. And you still haven't explained to me why you felt the need to throw me in a cell."

Jasper looked down, the picture of contrition. "I don't know how much Alice told you," he began.

"I've known her since we were both twenty."

He looked up at her and then nodded, looking more resigned than anything. "Then I can imagine what you think of me." He laughed humorlessly. "And I'm sure my reaction didn't help my cause any." He sighed. "Look, what it comes down to is this: I wasn't expecting her to run from me. I've spent the last seven years wishing I'd done something - anything - to stop her."

"She isn't yours to control," Bella protested before she could help herself.

His eyes widened. "No, I ... I didn't mean it like that. I just wish she'd talked to me. If she'd only talk to me now, I know we could sort everything out," he said, obviously agitated. He rubbed the back of his neck. "When I knew you knew her...well, all I could think was that I didn't want you to run off too. It was a knee-jerk reaction."

He looked her directly in the eye again, and Bella once more noticed how worn he looked. It was even more pronounced now, the unfathomable sadness there. It was almost enough to dredge out her sympathy, but she knew better. "Once again, I'm not offering an excuse for my actions, just an explanation," he said slowly, his tone and expression matching the absolute sincerity of his words. "Your citation has been completely stricken from the record. Not as a bribe, mind you - your record shows no previous citations ever, so that's pretty common policy around here. If you want to speak to Police Chief Marks you're well within your right to do so."

Abruptly, his eyes seemed to harden and he stood. "However, on a personal note, if you think I'm going to sign whatever paperwork you brought, you are sorely mistaken."

With that, he turned and walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: TY to Josieswan for beta work. As previously mentioned, this is a fic I'm writing for my darling Melly. My first fic wife. I do love her muchly...obviously as this story might just break my canon heart. Lol.
> 
> So, her request was this. Jasper/Bella. Edward could IN NO WAY be a threat. The plot line was vaguely Sweet Home Alabama, except that it was Alice and Jasper who would be still married, and Bella who went to go obtain the divorce on behalf of Alice. Those are my only restrictions. Bwah.
> 
> I would appreciate it if you wished her a happy birthday! You can do so in your review here or drop her a line on her twitter. You'll find her under dizzygirl28. She's a talented writer too if you can stomach C/B ::shudders::


	3. We Fell Through The Ice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: **IMPORTANT** - Make sure you saw last chapter or you'll be mighty confused. I think was having problems.
> 
> Dedication: To darling Melly. We survive Cella's insanity only by leaning on each other.
> 
> Disclaimer: If Jasper and Bella were listed amongst the things I own, my taxes would look different so I guess they're not mine.

" _ **We've tried to wash our hands of all this**_

_**We never talk of our lacking relationships** _

_**And how we're guilt stricken sobbing with our** _

_**Heads on the floor** _

_**We fell through the ice when we tried not to slip,"** _

_**The Freshman, Verve Pipe** _

"Hey!" Bella protested, hurrying after Jasper.

He ignored her, taking long, quick strides across the room and outside. He let the front door of the police station slam shut in her face.

Before she could follow him, Angela's soft voice stopped her. "Maybe it's a better idea if you let him cool down a little."

Bella paused with her hand on the door, considering this. She was irritated – no two ways about it. All that would happen if she caught up with him would be more yelling. It was counterproductive. With a quiet growl of frustration, Bella let her hand drop.

For a few minutes, Bella just sat in one of the chairs in front of Angela's desk, thinking. To her credit, Angela merely sat quietly, doing whatever paperwork and not asking Bella anything. This both irritated and impressed Bella, albeit the latter grudgingly. Logically speaking, anybody would have a million questions after what had just occurred. Hell, Bella herself had a million questions for Jasper. But Angela remained silent, not trying to get any additional information out of her.

She decided, finally, that it was best to retreat for the moment. She would give Jasper room to think, calm down - whatever it was he needed to do. She'd need to take some extended time off work to fix this problem.

Choice made, Bella got up and exited the Forks Police Department, feeling better that she at least had a plan.

~0~

Bella got home to find that Alice had camped out at her apartment, waiting for news.

"He wasn't... mean, was he?" Alice asked, wringing her hands unconsciously.

Bella felt a rush of anger toward Jasper. She hated seeing Alice so nervous and timid. This guy had obviously done a number on her. "He wasn't happy about it, but no he wasn't mean."

Alice studied her face and sighed. "You're a horrible liar, Bella. Just tell me what happened.  _Exactly_ what happened."

The more that Bella told her friend, the more worked up Alice got. "It's not a big deal. Really."

"Bella! He threw you in a jail cell!"

"Just for a few minutes," she placated. When Alice stopped pacing long enough to glare at her, Bella rolled her eyes. "Look, we figured he was going to be difficult, right? I'm going to go back. Give me a week and I'll go back."

"No," Alice said firmly, shaking her head. "Don't go back. I'd feel horrible if... what if he hurt you this time? I mean, if just saying my name made him do that in a police station..."

"You said he never hit you," Bella replied, narrowing her eyes at Alice and trying to gauge if she'd been lying all these years.

"He didn't," she said quickly. "But it's been years. I mean...people like that - they escalate, don't they?"

"You talk to Edward too much," Bella said softly, trying to calm her. "Yes, I'm sure it's possible that he would have escalated to that point... with a girlfriend. I'm not going to date him, Alice. I'll make sure to keep to public places, without jail cells, if it'll make you feel better."

Alice stopped pacing then and pointed a finger in Bella's face. "Promise."

"I promise."

~0~

Bella pulled up to the Pacific Inn Motel in Forks in the late afternoon. She'd gotten a later start than she wanted but couldn't really complain. Knowing that she'd be gone for a week, her boss had her working to the last minute.

It was the off season and she knew that Forks didn't have many visitors - tourists or fisherpeople - so Bella hadn't bothered to get a reservation. Sure enough, the Pacific Inn Motel displayed a bright vacancy sign.

A bell chimed as she walked in the door of the lobby. A woman about her own age with cornsilk blond hair and a plastic smile came from the backroom. "Good afternoon," she greeted. Her name tag identified her as Lauren.

"Hi. I'm looking for a room, possibly for a week."

"Oh," Lauren's smile quirked. "That's a rare request around this time," she said slowly. Bella knew Lauren was waiting for her to fill in the blanks but, well, she didn't want to. The other woman's fake smile faltered just a bit as she cleared her throat. "License please."

Silently, Bella passed Lauren her driver's license. At first, the other woman just glanced at it - then she did a double take. Her smile vaporized like plastic thrown in acid - shrinking and shriveling as her lips pursed. Bella furrowed her eyebrows in confusion as Lauren leveled her with a malevolent glare. "I'm sorry. It looks like we're all out of rooms."

For a few tense moments, Bella simply blinked at the hotel clerk. "Are you kidding me?"

Lauren smirked, nastily. "If I was a comedian, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be here," she snapped.

 _Pretty sure you would as you'd probably suck at that job too,_ Bella retorted mentally. "Right...you just told me you don't have many people renting rooms."

"For a week," Lauren corrected. "And it looks like I was mistaken. We're all booked."

Trying to keep a hold on her temper, Bella pointed to the sign outside. "It says vacancy."

Still glaring, Lauren leaned down, flipping a switch that Bella couldn't see. The 'no' sputtered to life.

"Oh, for heaven's sakes," an exasperated voice came from their right. Bella hadn't noticed, but there was a woman who'd been lounging in the waiting area of the lobby. She came up to the desk now, an admonishing look on her pretty, heart-shaped face. "Lauren, you know you have rooms. What is wrong with you?"

Lauren's face fell a bit and she looked back and forth between the stranger and Bella. She leaned in close to the stranger and hissed out between clenched teeth, "Esme, that's Bella Swan."

"I'm well aware of who she is," Esme said in a clipped, no-nonsense tone.

" _She's_  right here," Bella cut in, thoroughly irritated.

Esme turned to look at her, an apologetic smile on her face. "I'm sorry, dear. I didn't mean to be so rude." She rustled through her purse before producing a business card. "My name is Esme Evenson. I run the Miller Tree Inn. Why don't you come rent from me? I'll give you a good deal on a room - see if we can't change your mind about Forks's hospitality," she finished, sending a pointed glare at Lauren. The blond haired woman crossed her arms.

"Um, thank you," Bella said, a little confused as to everything that had transpired. She took the card from Esme's hand.

"I just have a few minutes of business to finish up here, and I'll be along. If you'd like," Esme continued.

"No, that sounds good. Thanks again," Bella said, offering a genuine smile to the slightly older woman. She turned back to Lauren, trying to keep from outright scowling. "Can I have my license back please?"

With a huff, Lauren tossed the license on the counter and turned on her heel, retreating to the back room she'd come from.

Bella left after Esme had given her instructions and assured her she'd only be a few minutes. She tapped restlessly on her steering wheel as she drove, trying to sort the things she'd just found out.

Obviously, Jasper had told his story. She might have guessed that the good townsfolk of Forks would be on his side. Why wouldn't they be? Hadn't Alice said how she kept Jasper's rough, manipulative behavior a secret. She hadn't had a lot of friends. He had.

He'd told her that without him, she would be alone.

By the time Bella pulled up to Miller Tree Inn she was fuming again. She was going to settle this for Alice once and for all - get her friend some closure.

As she'd promised, Esme pulled up only a few minutes after. She still had on a friendly, open smile as she led Bella up the stairs of the Inn. The Miller Tree Inn was actually a large farmhouse. There were eight rooms, not including Esme's room and office on the bottom floor. Each had it's own bathroom. The room that Esme set Bella up in was the Sunset Room. It was one of the smaller bedrooms but still held a king size bed. Honestly, that was all Bella needed. As promised, Esme offered her the room at an insanely discounted rate.

Finally, Bella couldn't help but address the elephant in the room. "So...you're aware of who I am - obviously."

Esme glanced up from where she was carefully filling out the ledger. She tilted her head at Bella and took off her reading glasses. "Honey, there aren't a whole lot of people in Forks who run in this social circle that don't know who you are."

Bella scoffed under her breath. "The police officers and inn-keepers social circle. Noted."

"Not exactly," Esme said with a soft chuckle. "I just happen to run with that crowd, so to speak. Well - not really run with them. I suppose I'm like the older sister - not always cool, but they love me all the same, and I love them."

"You love Jasper, then," Bella concluded.

Esme nodded carefully.

"And yet, you're being very nice to me...despite the fact you have to know what I'm here to do." Esme grimaced and Bella apologized. "I'm sorry. I'm just trying to understand."

"Don't be sorry, dear. The difference between me and Lauren Mallory is that I haven't caught the fever," Esme laughed. "I love Jasper like I'd love my own son, or brother. But he's the most eligible could-be-a-bachelor in a small town. Lauren isn't the only one that imagines that he wouldn't be as jaded as he is now if it wasn't for his wife." She grimaced. "I'm afraid that young woman is quite villainized amongst the single young ladies of Forks, especially."

Bella took a deep breath and signed the paper that Esme handed her with a little more force than necessary. "They have no idea the kind of hell he put her through," she muttered, and then sighed at herself when she saw the look that crossed Esme's face. "I'm sorry," she apologized again. "You've been very kind to me. I don't mean to disparage your friend."

"That's one of the reasons why I take the rumors that are rampant in this town with a grain of salt," Esme said, patting her hand reassuringly. "I didn't know Jasper back then...when Alice was here I mean. I didn't live here. All I know of Jasper is that he helped me out of a very bad situation, so I'm inclined to think well of him. You, however, have a different reality than I know of."

"You're a rare breed of people," Bella said kindly. Truthfully, Esme reminded her so much of Edward's older brother, Carlisle. Hmmm. They looked to be around the same age too...

Esme smiled again. "I do try."

~0~

As evening fell, Esme was in the little kitchen area of the Inn making dinner. She'd explained to Bella that dinner was always served here for whoever cared to join her. Even though Bella was the only renter currently, dinner was going to be made for several people whether Bella decided to go to Forks's diner or not.

And Bella wasn't allowed to help, either.

So, Bella found herself at the stool by the counter, watching with a sort of fascination as Esme moved about the kitchen. Bella liked to cook but had only rarely ever had someone cook for her. The roasting meat and fragrant rice filled the kitchen with smells that made Bella's mouth water.

Esme also proved to be excellent company as well. They kept to neutral subjects like where they'd grown up and why they'd moved to Washington. Bella found out that the other woman had moved to Forks originally with her husband, Charles Evenson. She didn't say what had happened except that they were divorced.

Just as Esme finished cooking, both women heard the sound of a car pulling up close to the Inn. Esme's eyes shot up toward the side door entrance, widening for an instant before she dropped them back down to the counter. She cleared her throat as she finished putting some steamed vegetables in a serving dish. "Bella, I absolutely didn't plan this but you should know - during the off season, people in that social circle we talked about have a standing invitation to join me for dinner."

Bella had barely processed what Esme was talking about when the side door opened and in walked a towering, bear of a man. He was good looking - broad shouldered with curly black hair and a devastatingly adorable grin. He instantly pulled Esme into a hug that completely engulfed the much smaller woman. "Oh, my God that smells good."

But Bella didn't have time to see much more than that because right on the bear-man's heels was a man that she was, unfortunately, very familiar with. He was still dressed in his uniform.

Bella still felt the urge to rip it off him. It was so disconcerting to feel attraction even as she felt repulsion. Of course, it helped that in the next second his pretty features twisted into an angry sneer.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Jasper demanded, his eyes finding her the minute he walked in the door.

Before Bella could snap back, Esme extricated herself from bear-man's grasp in order to level Jasper with the same glare she'd pointed at Lauren earlier. "Jasper Whitlock. I know damn well your manners are better than that."

"Esme-" Jasper began, but Esme cut him off.

"All of you listen to me right now. Only those that can keep a civil tongue are welcome at my table. If Miss Swan is welcome here then I think she's being a bit more polite than you are, isn't she?" she said in a 'that's final' tone.

Bella resisted the urge to stick her tongue out. "Not that I don't appreciate it, but you can't bully the whole town into being nice to me," she said quietly.

Esme's lips quirked, sullying her fierce expression. "Maybe not, but I can demand that people play nice at my own table," she directed at Jasper.

For a minute, Bella thought that the disgruntled officer was going to turn tail and run. Then he took a deep, calming breath and nodded his head at her. "I apologize for my rudeness. I was just surprised to find you here."

Some of the palpable tension in the room seemed to drain. "So this is Bella Swan, huh? Well, you don't look anything like the rumors say." Bear-man grinned then, a wide grin complete with disarming, boyish dimples. "Most of them, anyway."

"Oh, really?" Bella asked, too curious for her own good. "What do the rumors say?"

"Depends on who you ask," he responded sitting at the counter next to her.

Bella arched a single eyebrow. "How many versions are there?"

"Emmett," Jasper said warily.

"Emmett McCarty by the way," Emmett greeted, holding out his hand. Hesitantly, Bella stuck her hand out, fascinated by how it disappeared into Emmett's like Esme had disappeared when he hugged her.

"If you ask Jessica Stanley, you are a banshee woman. Messy, dull brown hair, lifeless eyes and a shrill voice," Emmett continued.

"I don't even know a Jessica Stanley," Bella murmured.

Emmett straight out guffawed. "That doesn't stop her, believe me. Now, Mike Newton was inclined to be much more charitable. Unfortunately for him, I know who Zooey Deschanel is, so I know when it's her he described. I guess that means it's safe to assume that you didn't flirt and flash your boobs at him either."

Bella started to choke on her drink. "What?" she demanded between coughing fits.

Emmett had to hold his sides he was laughing so hard. "I thought not. To be fair, that man has not been laid in a long time."

"Alright, alright," Esme interrupted, chuckling. "Help me get this food on the table, boys."

Jasper jumped up so fast he almost stumbled. "Come on, Emmett," he commanded, leaving no room for argument.

Diverted at the thought of food, Emmett went for the roast. "Holy shit, Esme," he cried out as he opened the oven. "It's a good thing my parents taught me not to touch the stove or I'd have jumped right in here. Jesus that smells good."

They'd all settled down at the small table off to the side of the kitchen. Esme said there was a larger one for when they were filled to capacity, but this would do on most nights.

"So," Bella began nonchalantly, "were there any other rumors about what I was supposed to look like going around?"

Jasper dropped his fork.

"One," Emmett said, his voice dripping with innocence though anyone could see the smile he was fighting.

"Hey, Emmett. Is Rosalie going to be joining us?" Jasper interrupted before the other man could speak again.

One thing was for sure, Jasper sure did know how to focus Emmett's attention elsewhere. Bella was tempted to ask him again just to see if the officer would resort to yelling 'tits and ass!' before he let Emmett answer.

"You know she's not coming, dude," Emmett answered, looking perplexed. "I told you she was working on a project behind old man Dowling's back." He rolled his eyes and shook his head lightly, but there was a fond smile on his face.

"Should she be on her feet this much in her condition?" Esme asked, worry tingeing her tone.

Emmett snorted around a mouthful of food. "Try telling that to her, I dare you."

"What condition?" Bella asked, hoping she wasn't being too nosy. She felt more concern than outright curiosity.

"We're having a baby!" Emmett crowed, his eyes lighting up. "My Rosalie is seven months along now."

"Well, congratulations," Bella couldn't help but laugh at the deliriously proud poppa. "I don't know you well but you with a baby is a terrifying idea, I have to admit."

This time it was Jasper who laughed. He tried not to, that was obvious, but then he leaned his forehead on the palm of his hand and chortled. His gentle, rich laughter was, again, a counterpoint the to the mental image that persisted in Bella's mind.

Emmett just laughed, looking back and forth between his friend and Bella. "I like you," he said decidedly to Bella. He fixed Jasper with an apologetic look. "Sorry man. Is that against the bro code?"

Jasper shrugged, becoming overly interested in the task of putting a thin strip of roast beef in a roll. "I have nothing against Bella," he said softly. He glanced up so she could see his eyes. He seemed sincere.

"Well," Esme's quiet voice cut into the thick atmosphere that had arisen between Jasper and Bella. "I'm sure there'll be plenty left over. I'll wrap up some dinner for her."

"She'd like that," Emmett said gratefully. Then he waggled his eyebrows like the brat he was. "Unless I finish everything off, first," he said, leaning in toward Esme conspiratorially.

Esme rapped his knuckles in a chastising fashion with a serving spoon.

Toward the end of the meal, Emmett looked up at Esme with that mask of innocence that Bella was already beginning to recognize. "So Mae," he started, using his favorite nickname for her, "didn't you need to use me for my size again?"

Bella blinked, trying not to pervert that comment and failing. Esme just rolled her eyes. "Yes, there's a light bulb at the top of the stairs that's out. You know I have trouble getting to it even on the step stool."

Emmett pushed back from the table. "After you m'lady," he said, bowing.

A nervous, cloying kind of fear started in the pit of Bella's stomach at the prospect of being alone with Jasper. It wasn't that she was afraid of him per se, it was just that they didn't have a history of playing well with each other.

Esme looked worried for a moment before she looked determined. She nodded and let Emmett pull her to her feet, and then followed him out the door.

Neither of them spoke at first. It was like watching a storm gather off the ocean – black clouds gathering and moving in the static charged air. They weren't eating anymore, but neither of them looked up from their plate.

"I'm sorry about Lauren," Jasper said finally, not looking at her as he slowly gathered all the rice on his plate into a neat pile. "She was around, you know...when Alice left. She knew us. She harbors her own resentment for the way Alice left, but she shouldn't have treated you like that."

Bella scoffed lightly. "This is what you wanted her to come back to? Old friends who would look at her the way Lauren looked at me?" She stared at the top of his head as he continued to look down at his plate. "A husband who would throw her in a jail cell just to keep her in one place?"

That made his head come up and he frowned. "Look, I already apologized for that."

"Yes, you did. That's not the point I'm trying to make. Why in hell would Alice come back here?" she asked, her voice not unkind but still pointed. Effectively, her words stabbed him deep and he looked away so she wouldn't see the pain in his eyes. "She's moved on. Why won't you let her go?"

Silence stretched on between them like the clock on the last day of school before summer; it was endless. Then, as if she hadn't spoken those last words he looked at her. "Tomorrow's my day off. I'm going into the Olympic National Park, have you been?"

Bewildered, Bella answered before she could catch up with the swift change of subject. "No."

"Well," he said, standing, "if you're going to be in town for a while, you are more than welcome to accompany me."

He must heard Esme and Emmett coming down the stairs because they reappeared as he took his plate to the sink. Though she was still shocked at his sudden invitation, Bella didn't miss the look of relief that flitted across the older woman's face. She must have half thought she'd come back to find they'd killed each other.

Bella was quiet as she picked up her plate. She got as far as the counter before Esme descended upon her. "Oh for goodness sakes, dear. You're a guest here. No. Helping."

With a sheepish smile and a blush, Bella relinquished her hold on the dinner plate, quieting any protests. She had a point after all.

Jasper and Emmett hugged Esme, thanking her for dinner and promising to be back soon. Right before they left, Jasper looked at Bella raising an eyebrow.

Taking a deep breath to steady her nerves, Bella just nodded. Jasper nodded back and said simply, "Nine A.M." and then he was gone.

Emmett surprised Bella by pulling her into a body engulfing hug. Before he left he whispered something in her ear that made her heart skip two beats out of sheer surprise. He cackled at the shocked, pale look on her face as he strode out the door.

Though it confused her to no end - especially as she felt equal parts elation, surprise and horror at it - Emmett's words echoed in her head for the rest of the night.

"Jasper told me you were beautiful."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: jadedandboring is my hero. If you haven't read the Kubler Ross Model and its sequel, Tie Me Here In Time, you should. Freally.
> 
> So sorry about not responding to last update's reviews. Speaking of which, so sorry about the delay in updating. My mojo abandoned me straight up for a while there…but it seems to be back. I try to update my stories every week and a half.
> 
> Let me know what you're thinking!


	4. In Love On My Own

**"You shimmy**

**Shook my bones**

**Leaving me stranded all in love on my own**

**Do you think of me?**

**Where am I now? Baby where do I sleep?"**

**Closer, Kings of Leon**

"Are you insane?"

Bella held her cell phone away from her ear, glaring at it as if Edward could actually see her. When the volume of his voice lowered enough that she couldn't understand him, she put the phone gingerly against her ear again.

"You're not going into the middle of a fucking forest with him," Edward was saying.

She balked at the phone. "Excuse me?"

He must have heard the incredulous fury in her voice because he didn't speak right away. She heard him sigh and when he spoke again his voice was a lot calmer. It was also a bit condescending, like one might use on a child who didn't understand why she shouldn't touch the hot, hot stove. "Bella, it's too dangerous. He's too dangerous."

"He's a cop, Edward," she pointed out.

"That only means he knows how to hide a body. Just don't go, Bella," he pleaded. He growled in a frustrated manner when she didn't answer. "Please. I … forbid you to go," he said firmly.

Bella blinked at the phone again because, really, hadn't they just gone over this? "Are you kidding me? Are you really trying to order me around?"

There was a pause. "Is it working?"

"You know me better than that," she chuffed. "Now, not only am I going, but I'm actually going to give him the knife to kill me with."

"Why would he use a knife when he already has a gun?" Bella could tell Edward was trying not to smile, trying to keep his voice stern.

"Don't be dense. He's a cop. If he fired his weapon, they could trace it back to him when they found my body." Familiar chuckles came from the other end of the phone and Bella grinned. She didn't like to think about Edward being so worried for her. "See, you're laughing."

He sighed. "You know I love you, Bella. That's why I don't want to see anything bad happen to you." His voice reeked of sincerity the way many men reeked of cologne.

In all honesty, a small voice in the back of Bella's mind had urged her to call Edward in the first place. Despite the fact that Jasper had been a menacing, teenage asshole, Bella sincerely doubted he was a murderer. Still, it couldn't hurt to let someone know where she was.

Of course, she really hated that he was going to be distracted, worrying about her safety. She made a mental note to text him frequently. "I know you love me. I love you too. That's the only reason I haven't kicked your ass for being so damn pushy."

"Why can't you at least wait until I can get down there? I'll go with you."

Bella rolled her eyes, glad he couldn't see her. "Yeah right, Edward. If he's ready to talk, I'll talk with him on his terms. I know you. You'd go all alpha male on him. Then I wouldn't get anything done until after you'd both put your dicks away."

"Oh, is he prone to whipping it out?"

There was a distinctly lascivious edge to his voice, and Bella rolled her eyes again. "Edward..." she warned.

"Because I guarantee you, I'd win that contest."

"Edward," she tried again, stifling a giggle.

"I'm just saying, Bella. If you need me to bend him over and show him what a real man is, I'll take one for the team. For Alice."

"Edward!"

"What?" he asked innocently.

"Thank you for that visual," she said wryly. "How's Jake?" she asked, looking for a subject change.

The distaste in Edward's voice was palpable. "I had her stuffed."

"Be nice," she admonished. "You know that female cats are very territorial of their owners- that's all. She'll get used to you."

"It's been four years! She still hates me as much now as she did the day we met - remember, when she tried to claw my leg off? I still hate her. I went to give her food like you're making me, and she was hissing at me the whole time. Does she not understand that without me, her bowl would go unfilled? I should just let her suffer," he groused.

"Don't kill my cat, Edward," Bella warned.

"Cats die. It's what they do," he said mischievously.

Before a major argument could ensue, Bella happened to glance out the window in time to see Jasper emerge from an old car that had obviously seen better days. Well, it was much better than going in his cruiser. When she'd gotten her first truck, Bella had sworn that she would never ride in a police cruiser again. "I'm going, Edward."

Another sigh. "Be safe," he said sincerely.

After she hung up, Bella watched Jasper carefully from her second floor window. She was sure to stay well back, half hidden behind the curtain so he probably couldn't see her unless he was really looking.

Bella had wanted, badly, to tell Edward about the, 'he thinks you're beautiful,' thing. She wasn't the type of girl who over-analyzed everything to death, but on the rare occasion she wanted to, Edward and Alice were her go-to people. For obvious reasons she couldn't tell Alice about that little comment, and she wasn't sure Edward would be much better.

Jasper was standing by his car, looking up at the house with a slight grimace on his face. He seemed uncertain. He stroked his chin in a nervous gesture, and Bella was momentarily distracted.

Objectively, Jasper was ridiculously good looking. Dressed as he was today, in jeans and a smart looking jacket, she could easily see why many of the women in town were attracted to him. She reasoned that his comment to Emmett didn't have to mean anything, just like her own observations meant little.

Edward would have offered up a profile of men like Jasper. They were controlling, seeing women as objects and status symbols. If he was taken with her, he could feel her cooperation was his right. Certainly, the defiance she'd already shown was an affront to his personality type.

On the other hand, Jasper didn't show any other warning signs that she could see.

After the boys had left the night previous, Esme had told her that she and her husband had moved to Forks from Ohio several years before.

_"I don't really know why I married Charles, now that I think about it," Esme mused, turning her cup of tea around and around on the table. "I suppose many things seem like a good idea when you're twenty years old._

_"At first he was a very sweet, giving husband. Gifts and attention - you know. Every girlfriend of mine who met him was jealous," she said softy, the skin around her eyes tightening only barely perceptibly. "Then he started asking a lot of questions. Who was in my classes. What was the name of the boy I said I'd talked to after class. Who was I going out with. Why hadn't I gone home for lunch on Tuesday, and on and on."_

_She took a long sip of her tea, and Bella couldn't help but notice how her hand shook slightly. "When he moved us over here, away from the prying eyes of the friends he couldn't drive away, he started hitting me."_

_"I'm sorry," Bella murmured, her heart going out for this woman who had obviously been through so much._

_Esme smiled a tight lipped smile and nodded her thanks at Bella's sentiment. "I was very good at hiding his abuse, though for the life of me, I can't quite piece together why I did."_

_It wasn't unusual, Bella knew well. Especially in cases like Esme's where the abuse worsened over time. It was like a gradual conditioning process._

_"Then, almost three years ago now, I met Jasper," Esme continued. "Of all the idiotic things... I burned dinner that night. I went to The Lodge, one of the finer restaurants in town, such as it is, because I was desperate. My plan was to pass their steak dinners off for my own cooking._

_"Jasper was there, at the counter. Eating alone. He's almost always eating alone," she said, sounding a little sad. "He struck up a conversation. No matter how many times I tried to politely end the conversation, he wouldn't be shaken. It seemed like it was taking forever for the food to come, especially when he started asking me questions about my husband. They seemed innocent enough, but I was nervous._

_"He even followed me out to my car, and I was almost running away from him. But right before I could speed off, he stuck his head in the window and looked me right in the eyes. He said, 'Ma'am, you know - there are people who can help you...if you need it. I mean, if you wanted to follow me to the police station, I could make sure you get anything you need, if there's any problem.'" A single tear slid down Esme's cheek, though she was smiling genuinely at the memory._

_"I know I must have stared at him like an absolute idiot. I remember telling him I was fine, and I had no problems. I didn't understand how he seemed to know. I drove home in a daze."_

_She took a deep breath and smiled bitterly. "Well, the long and short of it is that I found out that night that The Lodge does not know how to cook a rare steak. To this day, I really don't remember what happened all that clearly. All I remember was that one second I was curled up on the kitchen floor with Charles towering over me as he screamed at me, the next minute Jasper was there and Charles was the one on the floor with Jasper's knee digging into his back."_

_For the first time since she'd begun talking, Esme looked up and right at Bella. "I asked him later how he knew. He said that my voice had trembled when I ordered the meals and that I was very particular about one order, anxious. He said that when he spoke to me, I didn't look him in the eye. In fact, when he spoke to me, my nervousness seemed to increase, and I looked around as if I was about to be caught - as if I was doing something wrong. Then, the more he talked to me, and the longer the food took, my nerves got a lot worse. Finally, when he told me that there was help out there for me, I didn't look confused. I knew what he was talking about. Then he found out from Cora - the waitress - that I'd lived in Forks for years. It's a rarity to not know someone in this town. It's even rarer for a cop not to know someone. He put together that I didn't get out much."_

_They sat in silence for a few moments, Bella processing everything she'd heard and trying to match this kind soul who would rescue a battered woman, a stranger that he'd never met before, with the person that Alice had always described. "Like I said," Esme spoke softly after a while, "I didn't know Jasper when Alice did. I suppose it's possible that he knew the warning signs because he used to be the cause of them in his own wife." The way she frowned when she said this spoke volumes. There wasn't a part of her that believed it. "Either way, that's not who he is now. I just...thought you should know."_

As she watched Jasper square his shoulders and start up the walk, Bella shook off the last of the conversation. She supposed it was good to have a glimpse of the person he could be. If she could keep the conversation civil, maybe she had a chance of getting him to agree to let Alice go without a fight. It didn't hurt to hope.

She made her way downstairs, finding Jasper with Esme in the living room. Jasper's back was to her, his fingers absently stroking at very contented looking cat as he murmured in a low voice. When Esme's eyes flitted to hers, Jasper turned. His eyes automatically gave her a quick once over, taking in her outfit. Bella felt a blush rise to her cheeks. Irritated, she stepped forward quickly - reminding herself that this wasn't a date by a long shot.

"Stay. I'll be right back," Esme said, darting off before either of them could protest.

Then it was awkward.

After a few moments where they both thought of what to say - and failed, Jasper sighed and extended a hand. "Truce?"

Bella raised one eyebrow, looking at his hand but not taking it. "I wasn't aware we were fighting."

He gave her a look, not bothering to drop his hand. "You know this is hard for me. I don't think you can fully grasp why, but I can also tell that you love Alice. I know you're trying to protect her and do what's right by her. I can't be anything but grateful for that." He paused, letting that sink in as Bella blinked back at him. He gestured with his hand again. "So what do you say? Truce?"

Biting her lip for another moment, Bella finally stepped forward, putting her hand in his. "Truce," she agreed.

Jasper squeezed her hand, the small smile on his face conveying his sincerity. "Thank you."

They were interrupted then, as Esme came back. She pushed a basket into Jasper's hands. "Lunch," she explained. Jasper opened his mouth to protest but Esme cut him off. "It's already made and in your hands. You can't say no. Go on."

There really wasn't any way to argue that point. In the next minute they were both buckled into their seats and on the road.

Bella spoke first. "So, Olympic National Park is huge. What part are we going to?"

"It's a little over a half hour drive, and then a short hike to Sol Duc Falls," he answered.

A nervous sense of dread crept into Bella's belly. She wasn't what anyone would refer to as outdoorsy. She'd managed to resist almost all of her father's camping trips growing up. Somehow, she didn't think that struggling up rocky cliffs was the way to keep the upper hand in any discussion with him. Maybe he'd planned it that way.

"A short hike," he repeated, obviously seeing the anxiety that she struggled to keep off her face. "It's not even a mile, and all of it is on well worn, fairly flat trail."

Letting out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding, Bella settled back in her seat.

The rest of the drive was filled with stilted conversation. Jasper asked about her life before giving in and quietly asking after Alice. Deciding it was good for him to know how well she was doing without her, Bella gave small details about her life. Alice had a keen attention to detail that made her an excellent editor. She'd climbed ranks quickly, and her career looked to be long and prosperous. She was a vivacious, fiercely strong woman with many friends - though Edward and Bella were definitely the closest to her.

Still, not feeling as vindictive as she had expected to be, Bella tip-toed around the subject of Felix. On that token, Jasper continued to surprise her. She could see that he clung to every word, and when she spoke of Alice's many accomplishments he always smiled. The pride was easy to read. Then he all but shocked her into silence when he asked about Felix.

"He's good with her. Very gentle. He's the only man she's trusted in all these years."

"He loves her," Jasper said, almost to himself. "I saw it in the way he looked at her in those photos."

"He does," Bella confirmed simply.

Jasper was quiet after that, and Bella thought it best to let him think.

By then they'd arrived at their destination. Deciding to leave Esme's lunch for when they got back, they set off down the trail - well marked and trodden as Jasper had promised.

Bella found herself enjoying the walk. The cold air cooled her body just enough to cover the exertion of their brisk pace. There wasn't a doubt that the forest was gorgeous. The colors here were so much richer than the washed out colors of the city.

Conversation was surprisingly easy between the two of them. This time they stuck to neutral comments. They actually found a similarity in the cars they preferred. Jasper confessed that he could easily afford a newer car, but where was the fun in that? New cars lacked personality.

"And reliability," Bella agreed before telling him about her first vehicle - a monster of a truck that was older than her father.

As the dull roar of the distant falls got closer, they lapsed into a comfortable silence,

Bella was certainly confused. If she didn't think too hard about what she was here to do and didn't think about all the stories that Alice had told, she found that she actually liked Jasper. A lot. That in and of itself was a rarity for her. People, like their cars, were largely uninteresting, but Jasper held her attention easily. And he made her smile.

She was still lost in thought when the waterfall came into view. "Beautiful," she said perfunctorily. It was breathtaking, but her mind was heavy with questions.

The person that Jasper seemed to be was completely at odds with the person she'd built in her head from Alice's descriptions. Alice had undoubtedly been bullied and controlled. Bella had been witness to her battle to overcome her paralyzing anxiety. That kind of behavior didn't come from no where.

Bella was smart enough to understand that men like Jasper Whitlock were masters at what they did. How else would otherwise intelligent women fall prey to controlling, abusive assholes? It was a process, and they always seemed so nice and charming on the outside.

Was she being duped?

As she thought, they'd walked to the center of a bridge overlooking the falls. She looked up in time to see his hand coming at her. Instinctively, she ducked back and away from him.

Jasper froze, staring at her with wide eyes. Then he spread his palm out in a peace-making gesture and reached forward again - slowly. He flicked something off her shoulder and Bella flinched. "There was a spider," he explained.

Feeling embarrassed, Bella couldn't find much to say besides, "Oh."

"You thought I was going to hit you," he said dully. "You think I'm capable of that." He sighed and looked away from her, leaning heavily on the railing of the bridge, just watching the water with sad eyes.

Bella stared at his profile, torn. Part of her wanted to call him out on this act. Most of her believed that it wasn't an act. She felt his heartache as if he was projecting it from the defeated slouch of his body. Thinking back on what Esme had told her and what she had observed, Bella allowed herself to entertain the notion that Jasper was a changed man. Still, he could hardly expect her to just trust him - not after the way they met and not after everything she'd heard from Alice.

Stepping up to the railing next to him, Bella too stared down at the the thundering water. "I don't know what to think about you. When I met Alice... look, she was a wreck, okay? She was completely anxiety ridden and skittish. She flinched at raised voices and didn't look people in the eyes when she did speak to them. What am I supposed to think about you?"

Jasper didn't speak right away. Even out of her peripheral vision she could see he was upset. His hands were white knuckled as they rested on the wet wood. His jaw and shoulders were rigid with contained emotion. He breathed deeply and swallowed several times before he finally spoke. "I didn't do that to her."

Anger flashed through Bella's body like fire, instantly evaporating any sympathy she might have had for him. "Don't give me that bullshit. What, you're going to tell me she was acting?"

"I didn't say that," he said quickly, still not looking at her. His voice was even as he spoke. "I said  _I_  didn't do that to her. Someone did, but it wasn't me. I know she thinks it was me, but it wasn't."

"Is this where you tell me you have an evil twin brother?" Bella sneered.

Jasper's head bowed and he let out a frustrated growl. He pushed away from railing and walked briskly across the bridge, his hands shoved in his pockets. Bella followed after him. "You brought me out here to talk and now you're walking away?" she demanded.

"I don't know why I thought this was a good idea," he said out of the corner of his mouth. He stopped short on the trail, causing Bella to barrel into him. Automatically, his hands came out, steadying her. For a split second, she was completely overwhelmed by how warm he was. The day was chilly, and though she wasn't entirely uncomfortable, it was the kind of weather that would have made a roaring fire one of the best things in the world. Like the fire, Jasper's body seemed to have a pull. She wanted to curl closer to him.

Hurriedly, she stepped away from him. Whatever had passed between them took the antagonistic atmosphere that had surrounded them only moments before to a much calmer level. "Look," Jasper started, his tone lacking the frustrated edge, "I'll explain it to you, but you have to promise to listen. Listen first, and then decide if you don't believe me. What do you say?"

Bella thought carefully. Recognizing that there was nothing but sound logic in his request, she nodded. "Okay," she agreed.

Jasper looked relieved. He nodded his head at that trail. "Come on. There's a little shelter just a ways over here. We can sit and talk."

The shelter they came across just a few minutes later was dank and musty, but it was far enough from the falls that they didn't have to shout over the rushing water, and it did have a bench. Once they were settled, Jasper began.

"Alice's parents and my parents grew up together. They were friends. Her parents were … flighty. They took off, sometimes for months. When Alice got to be around school age they tried to stick around, that much was true. They would still take off for a couple weeks here and there. Alice missed a lot of school. It was lucky she was smart or she never would have gotten through it.

"Then, when we were in junior high, they started to take off for longer periods of time. After the first couple of times, my mom told them that she could stay with us."

Jasper's eyes tightened, flashing with an old, aching anger. "It hurt her, you can't imagine how bad it hurt her every time they drove away. They missed everything… all of her recitals, all of her awards. The way I figure, those are the type of scars that run so deep, you can't ever forget them.

"Around our sophomore year of high school was when she met James." Jasper's voice turned hard as he spoke, his fists clenching unconsciously. "I think it's pretty understandable that Alice was real needy for love, and James was the type of asshole who preyed on that. He was older than us – which always made me uncomfortable. I tried to convince her to stay away from him, but she wouldn't listen to me.

"They started dating seriously during our junior year. He'd be all sweet to her sometimes, that was true enough, but if Alice pissed him off, he'd be all sorts of nasty. He yelled at her, he berated her, he pushed her around. He told her who she could and couldn't hang out with. You can't imagine the fights they got in over me, but he couldn't keep her away from me – we lived in the same house often enough. He did everything short of hit her." Jasper was practically speaking through clenched teeth at that point.

Though Bella hadn't known all that about Alice's parents – Alice said they left her with Jasper's family occasionally, but she hadn't made it sound nearly as bad as Jasper had – what Jasper was saying about this James was very familiar, except, when Alice told the story, it was Jasper who'd done all those nasty things.

Jasper took a deep breath, calming himself visibly. "It was just after graduation that she called me very late one night. She was wandering the streets of Port Angeles. She was crying and alone. I swear the drive out to Port Angeles was the longest forty minutes of my life," he chuffed, his voice trailing off into nothing at the end. He took another breath. "When I finally got to her, she told me she was pregnant."

He paused then because Bella started visibly. Shock seared her thoughts white for one, two, three full seconds before her mind was crowded. "Pregnant? She never… she didn't…" she stumbled.

"She was terrified," Jasper continued quietly. "James had taken her out for dinner – that's what they were doing in Port Angeles – and she told him. Of course, he didn't want anything to do with her or the baby.

"Now, hypocritical as it is, Alice's folks were very traditional. I took her home, and the whole way she was just crying and crying. She thought they would disown her. And she was right, they would have. I brought her to my house, and I held her all night until she cried herself to sleep in my arms. "

His lips quirked up then in a gentle smile as he recalled the next part of his story. "I didn't sleep at all that night. The next day, I brought her here…to this waterfall. There's not a hell of a lot to do in Forks… and this park was always something we enjoyed to do together," he said wistfully.

"So, I brought her here and I told her that I'd loved her since we were kids – since before I knew what love was. I said I'd take responsibility. I'd say it was my baby, and I meant it too." He gave a small shrug, staring off, not really seeing what was in front of him as he remembered. "It was believable enough. Hell, everyone in this godforsaken town knew I was in love with her…except for her of course.

"We left that day…straight from here. Ran off to Vegas, got married. Our parents were disappointed, sure. But you know – we were young and in love. We were going to make it work. Three of the police officers in town were set to retire, and I knew they needed fresh meat. I got on the fast track to becoming a police officer. It seemed like good, honest work,"

Bella got up then, too agitated to sit still anymore. She began pacing the length of the shelter. "None of this makes any sense," she mumbled, almost to herself. "Why wouldn't she remember any of this? I don't understand."

"It's not her fault," Jasper said, watching her with just his eyes. "The accident occurred when she was seven months pregnant," he began thickly. "It was bad, Bella. Really bad. You can't imagine… it was gruesome. Like…Frankenstein sized stitches all over her head… under her hair, she's like a jigsaw puzzle. She was in a coma for weeks." He looked down at his hands. "And she lost the baby."

Bella stopped pacing, grief hitting her hard at the thought of Alice hurt to that extent. She couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose a baby.

"When she did wake up," Jasper continued, "she had a selective sort of amnesia. She remembered parts of our past, but not all of it. And when memories came back to her she… she mixed them up. James and I were very similar in build. I wore my hair long, like he did, back then. I don't know what caused it. All I know was that after she woke up from the accident, she held me responsible for a lot of what James did…even for a lot of the abandonment issues that her parents caused. Only I didn't know she thought that until it was too late. She was quiet when I came to visit, and then the doctors started turning me away."

He rubbed his forehead absently with one hand, his eyes taking on that sad expression she'd glimpsed out by the waterfall. "Then, one day I tried to visit her and she wasn't there. She'd just…disappeared. She hadn't gone home. There was a nurse who worked there. He had the night shift and used to talk to me when she was in a coma. I never did leave her side then. He was the one who told me all the things that Alice thought. He told me that she'd left the hospital to get away from me."

Sitting down heavily, Bella put her head in her hands, trying to think.

"You still love her?" she asked finally.

"Yes. Very much so," he answered, his words sounding so tired - forlorn, almost.

Her thoughts felt thick - harder to process like logs on the river after a flood. They couldn't flow smoothly. They bumped and caught against debris on the shorelines even as the current struggled to pull them forward. "And what do you want, Jasper? Do you think that if she knew all this that she would leave Felix and come back to you?" she demanded.

Jasper was quiet for a too long moment. He stood, facing away from her. She was beginning to recognize that he did this when he didn't want her to see the emotion on his face. "Do I want her back? Well, yeah. I do. But I'm not an idiot. I know she's not the same girl I remember. I know that she's done all she can to move on past me - past her life here. I'm not... I'm not trying to win her back, if that's what you're asking. I love her, and it's enough to know she's happy.

"But Bella, I  _need_ her to know that it wasn't me. I can't stand that she thinks I'm the one that hurt her. All I've ever done was love her." He paused, turning back toward her though he still didn't look up. "I don't think I can ever settle... I don't think I can move on unless I know that she knows. I would never hurt her."

The silence in the little shelter was almost eerie with its heaviness. Bella felt tears prick at her eyes as she tried to grasp the enormity of what he wanted her to believe. If it was true...

If he had lived all these years knowing that Alice was out there, blaming him for a situation that he'd tried desperately to get her out of ...

She struggled to comprehend it.

Oblivious to the dampness on the ground, Jasper went to her and knelt before her so that he could look her in the eyes. "I tried to talk to her, but she wouldn't listen. And how could I blame her for that? If I was James, I wouldn't have wanted her to listen to me either. This...you... are my last chance for any kind of peace." His eyes were intense - endless in their pain and in the way he pleaded. "Do you believe me?"

Bella bit her lip so hard that she nearly drew blood. "I don't know," she admitted.

He studied her for another moment and then nodded. "It's enough that you're not dismissing me outright."

"I need to think," Bella said as if he hadn't spoken.

He nodded slowly and then smiled a sad smile that nearly broke her already aching heart. "I've waited all this time. I can wait a little longer."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oye vey. Again. I apologize for the time between updates and the lack of review replies. Real life is consistently trying to drag me back into the land of no mojo. I'm putting up a fight though. I'm winning! Hopefully I'll be able to beat the bastard.
> 
> I wrote a J/B o/s that you can find on my profile. It's called Where We Overlap, so give that a looksee if you wish.
> 
> Thanks to josieswan for beta work!
> 
> Hit the button!


	5. Just Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedication: To my Melly who will drive me crazy by not reading this until Tuesday. Bets? Anyone?
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. Incidentally - I also don't own the Miller Tree Inn but it does exist. It's more frequently called the Cullen house nowadays and you will find messages from "Esme" on the whiteboard.

" _ **Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,**_

_**But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,** _

_**Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.** _

_**Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,** _

_**And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.** _

_**No one can find the rewind button, boys,** _

_**So cradle your head in your hands,** _

_**And breathe... just breathe,"** _

_**~Breathe (2AM, Anna Nalick)** _

The ride back to Forks was mostly silent. Esme's lunch made for passable small talk and something to do in the tense atmosphere that permeated the car. Besides that, they were both lost in their own thoughts.

Bella tried to imagine that Jasper's story was true. Several times, out of the corner of her eye, she would see a sad, wistful smile quirk at the corners of his lips as he drove. If it was true, she imagined that he would be remembering when he and Alice drove away from here, years before. He must have been so full of hope. The girl he'd always had to watch walk away with someone else was going to be his wife. He must have been scared shitless, but happy. Determined, maybe.

She imagined Alice sitting where she was sitting now. In her minds eye she could perfectly see Alice at 18, glancing over at Jasper with giddy nervousness. They would be smiling at each other askance, holding hands over the gear shift during the two day trip to Vegas.

"Bella?" Jasper said quietly, interrupting her little fantasy.

She glanced at him, waiting for him to continue.

"I don't know who you would tell, but just so you know, nobody knows that it wasn't my baby." He chuffed softly, wringing his fingers around the steering wheel. "I guess not even Alice knows that. I never told anyone."

"Does she remember the baby?" Bella asked after a moment, just trying to put the pieces together.

"She must. The doctors said they told her." He sighed. "I had to name him. You know, at seven months he actually took a few breaths before he died." He trailed off, lost in the memories for a moment. "I never did get a chance to ask her... I named him William because both our favorite grandfathers were named William. William Brandon Whitlock. I never knew if she would have approved of the name."

"Why Brandon?"

Jasper looked way from the road momentarily to raise an eyebrow. "It's her maiden name. Mary Alice Brandon."

At that moment, Bella felt like she'd been struck. She felt betrayed in some way. Alice, it appeared, had kept much from her, despite the fact that they were supposed to be best friends. While Bella understood her reasoning, it was difficult to accept that all the secrets Alice had kept, Jasper knew.

But Jasper had no idea who Alice was now.

Jasper whistled then as they pulled into the parking lot of the Inn. "Looks like Esme got a new guest," he murmured, changing the subject.

Following his gaze, Bella sat bolt upright in her seat when she saw what he was looking at. "What the…that asshat." She was very familiar with the pristine, black Mercedes that stood out in the almost empty parking lot.

"Friend of yours?" Jasper asked mildly, pulling the car into a space.

"Yeah. Um. I'm going to…" she trailed off, not knowing what she was going to do because she didn't know why he was there. Instead, she unbuckled her seat belt and all but sprinted up the steps.

In the living room of the Miller Tree Inn she found exactly who she expected to find. "Carlisle, how on earth did he convince you to come down here?" she demanded as both Carlisle and Esme, who were sitting side by side on one of the room's comfy couches, looked at her in mild surprise.

"I just hitched a ride, actually," Edward's voice startled Bella. She whirled, finding him standing behind her in the entryway. "It was just a fortuitous twist of circumstance."

Bella chuffed. "Don't give me that. You're checking up on me." She smacked his arm lighter than he deserved. "What are you thinking? This isn't worth taking off work for."

"This doesn't have anything to do with me checking up on you," Edward insisted, lying through his teeth. "Carlisle's always wanted to check into purchasing some investment properties here, and I wanted to see the town you were born in."

"You were born here?" a voice from the doorway interrupted their discussion.

When Edward saw Jasper standing there, he drew Bella into a protective embrace, pulling her against his side. Jasper's eyes swept over them, taking in their intimate posture before coming up to look at Edward straight on. He cleared his throat. "Sorry. I'm Jasper Whitlock," he said, extending a hand to Edward.

Edward looked at it as if it were covered in dirt. Bella elbowed him and wrestled out of his embrace, crossing her arms. "Be nice, Edward."

Slowly, Edward reached out and gripped Jasper's proffered hand. From where she stood, Bella could tell they were both doing the hand squeeze of death. She rolled her eyes, sending a prayer up that they stopped short of whipping out their dicks for comparison's sake.

When everyone had been introduced, Bella turned back to Carlisle with accusing eyes. "Seriously, how did he get you to come down here? You shouldn't cater to his ridiculousness."

Looking amused, Carlisle tilted his head at her and smiled patiently. "Actually, he was telling the truth. We had coffee this morning, and I mentioned I was going down to Forks to look at a few potential investment properties. He merely asked if he could tag along."

Edward waggled his eyebrows at her. "Told you."

"He's off the hook. But you know I know you better than that. You're always running in on your white horse, thinking you need to protect me," Bella poked Edward in his chest with a single finger as she spoke.

Esme furrowed her eyebrows. "Why would you need protection?"

"I think that's my cue," Jasper said dryly. He leaned in and kissed Esme's cheek. "I'll see you later."

"Jasper-" Bella started, but he cut her off.

"I get it, Bella. I'm sure I'll see you soon," he said and quickly turned and headed back out the door.

Bella sighed, bowing her head because she'd gotten too excitable and stuck her foot very firmly in her mouth. "Shit," she cursed under her breath. She thought about going after him, but quickly decided against it. What was she going to say? Her head was still spinning with all the new information he'd given her, and she was far too wary to believe him outright.

Carlisle cleared his throat. "Well, Esme was just offering to go with me to view those properties I was here to see," he prompted, glancing at Esme.

"Oh, yes! " She turned to Bella. "I'm going to leave a message on the dry erase board outside just in case any more surprise guests stop by," her bright eyes flitted from Edward to Carlisle with amusement, "so if you have somewhere else to be, I'd appreciate it if you locked the door behind you. There's a spare key under the planter outside."

Bella was so shocked that Esme would trust her so readily with her business that her brain didn't completely start working again until after she and Carlisle were already almost to the car.

Coming up beside her, Edward laughed lightly as they watched the other pair drive away. "You know, I don't care how old we get, being able to tease my big brother when he has a crush will never get old."

Not answering, Bella turned around and headed up the stairs.

"Bella," Edward called after her. With his too long legs he caught up to her easily. "I'm sorry. You know I feel protective of you."

"And you know I can handle myself," Bella returned, unlocking the door to her room and striding inside. She sat heavily on the bed. "He was the picture of a gentleman, Edward. Even when I lost my patience with him, he was more than understanding. "

Edward crossed his arms. "What did you get impatient about?" he asked carefully.

Bella told him the whole story, watching the turmoil of emotions she felt cross his face one by one. When she had repeated everything Jasper had told her, they both fell silent.

Finally, Bella couldn't take the heavy quiet anymore. She needed his feedback. She needed something to even begin to process what she should and shouldn't believe. Edward not only knew Alice as well as she did, but he was educated as a psychologist. This was supposed to be his expertise. "Is it possible?"

Edward cocked his head, staring forward and seeing nothing for a few moments before answering. He looked at Bella thoughtfully, slipping into an analytical mode and stepping away from the part of himself that was just Alice's friend. "The human brain is a mysterious place. I suppose it'd be like an advanced form of displacement. She couldn't express all the anger and fear she had for James. Jasper would have been a safe option. If it's true, her subconscious would have known that he would never hurt her. It's why abused children often snap at school yard friends for instance, rather than displaying anger toward their abusers."

He stood then, pacing as he thought out loud. "Alice didn't have time to work out her emotions before the accident. It's more than possible that she repressed all thoughts of James after he left her. Then, after the accident, her memories and emotions needed a target. Jasper would have been the logical choice – after all, he was her husband - it would be easy for her to conclude that the man who mistreated her in a relationship was the same man she was married to. Add all of that to the trauma of being in an accident that bad, and losing her parents and a child on top of it? I can't even imagine that level of confusion."

He stopped short, his eyes finding Bella's again. "Yes. It's possible. It even fits in so many ways. But I still wouldn't just believe him outright. Regardless of whether he's lying or whether he's telling the truth, we need real evidence. If it is true, then it's something that Alice should know. But we can't go to her with this story and not offer her solid proof that it happened this way. She'd only feel betrayed by us."

Edward was interrupted by his cell phone chiming. He dug it out of his pocket eagerly, reading over and responding to the text. Meanwhile, Bella considered her options.

She still had the list of names that Alice had originally given her - people that had known Alice and Jasper in their previous life. However, given the way Lauren had reacted to Bella's presence, and the way the rumor mill seemed to spread in Forks, she didn't want to go to those women unless she absolutely couldn't help it.

"Do you remember Alice saying something about how she left almost everything she owned back in Forks?" Edward asked when he'd returned and Bella had caught him up on her thoughts.

"That's right. She even had the Realtor take care of everything when she sold her parents' house," Bella nodded.

"What do you think happened to all of her stuff?"

Bella was quiet for a moment, putting together the pieces. "You think Jasper might know?"

"Well, it'd be worth a shot, anyway. If anyone knows, it'd be him."

"Edward... if we go to see Jasper, you have to give him the benefit of the doubt," Bella said carefully. "You can't make him angry. He's the only one that can help us help Alice, one way or the other."

"Does he get angry that easily?" Edward asked pointedly.

"No, actually," she responded thoughtfully, tilting her head. "He was very patient with me today...even when I got a little sarcastic with him."

Edward rolled his eyes. "And I'm the one that's supposed to not antagonize him."

It took a little convincing and a lot of Carlisle's sweet talking, but they managed to convince Esme to give them Jasper's address. It was a small, white, two story house. Too large for the single man that lived there, but small enough that it would have been a great first home for a family. Bella's heart gave a quiet pang, and she wondered if Jasper had bought this place still hoping that Alice would be with him someday.

As they started up the walk, a tiny voice shouted up at them, "Halt!"

They looked down to see a cherub of a girl. She wore a police man's hat that was a size or so too big for her head and a fierce expression as she looked up at them - one hand on her hip, one hand extended out in a stop motion. Strawberry blond hair fell around her face in soft waves.

Both Bella and Edward bit their lips to keep from laughing out loud.

As the little girl continued to size them up, her eyes suddenly went wide as she took Edward in. Her little mouth shaped an o of some sort of awe. "Who are you?" she asked.

Bella slapped a hand over her mouth to cover a giggle. This was not an unusual reaction to Edward. It was, however, the first time she'd seen it play out in such a miniature person.

Shooting Bella a quick, dirty look, Edward knelt down so he was closer to eye level with the girl. "My name's Edward."

"You must be Officer Tanya," Bella guessed, remembering the story Angela had told her the day she first came to Forks.

Tanya's head whipped over to Bella as if she'd forgotten she was there. Her eyes narrowed at Bella before she turned back to Edward. "Is she your wife?" she whispered to Edward.

He grinned and shook his head.

The little girl's eyes lit up and she extended a hand to him, continuing to ignore Bella completely. "Are you here to see Sheriff Ja'per?"

Still grinning, Edward took the hand she offered and stood. "I certainly am."

"I can take you. Come on! I know the way!" She proceeded to march down the walkway, attacking plants and bushes with a stick she picked up as if she was making her way through a jungle.

When they got to the stairs, Tanya continued their conversation. "Does you have a wife?"

"No, ma'am," Edward said.

"Do you want one?" she asked brightly.

By this time, Bella couldn't contain her laughter. She just full on chortled. Tanya glared at her as if she had grown a third eye before turning back to Edward expectantly.

"Um," Edward said, controlling his own laughter, "I think you should probably talk to your parents before you propose to anyone."

Tanya looked perplexed. "What's uh-pose?"

Edward was saved from that potentially awkward conversation by the door swinging open. Instantly, Bella's eyes were drawn to Jasper's mostly open, button down shirt. More succinctly, to the necklace that hung low on his chest. It was a plain chain with two simple, gold bands on it. Catching her looking, he quickly started buttoning up his shirt.

"What do you have here, Officer Tanya?" he asked, choosing to look at the little girl instead of either of them.

"That one," Tanya pointed at Bella, speaking with a tinge of disdain, "was 'espassing. This," she tugged on Edward's hand, beaming up at him, "is Edward. I'm going to marry him."

"Oh, I see," Jasper said easily, his eyes lighting up with amusement though he kept his face straight.

"Do I get a choice in this matter?" Edward looked down at the tiny vixen.

She looked up at him, considering. "No."

Jasper chuckled. He reached down, grabbing Tanya and throwing the squealing little girl over his shoulder. "Does your mother know you're over here catching trespassers and husbands in my lawn?"

Edward offered him Tanya's fallen officer's hat. "Thanks. I'll take her home and then we can all talk about whatever it is you want to talk about." Jasper couldn't quite keep the grimace off his face.

He came back a moment later and crossed his arms, leaning against the column on the porch. "So, how can I help you?"

Jasper's defensive posture slackened somewhat as Bella explained. Then one side of his mouth lifted in a weak smile. "Gathering evidence. You know that's my thing." He turned then, opening the door and letting them into the house. "I do know where all Alice's things ended up."

Wordlessly, he walked inside, indicating they should follow. As she walked inside, Bella took in her surroundings. Most of the house, that she could see, was spartan. The rooms had the bare necessities of what they needed to not be empty. The exception to this was the small living room. That room had touches of personality. An entire wall was filled with book shelves. The subjects were wide and varied, It seemed, to Bella, that Jasper collected knowledge. The majority of the books she had a chance to take in as they passed were non-fiction. Both the couch and the recliner looked like they'd be heaven to enjoy a good book or the television that was tucked, catty corner, on the opposite side of the room. On the coffee table was a puzzle - mostly undone, though there was a skeleton of edge pieces beginning to take shape.

They walked down a hallway to the last room at the end. Jasper paused for a moment, his hand on the doorknob, before pushing the door open.

The little room was filled with boxes and a few small pieces of furniture. "I don't know if there are any pictures of James, but if you're going to find some type of physical proof of...them, it'd be in here?"

"You don't know what's in here?" Edward asked curiously. It seemed like a stretch that he had moved with Alice's boxes and hadn't once gone through them.

Jasper shrugged uncomfortably. "I guess I was just waiting for her to come home and sort through them herself."

For a few minutes, Jasper leaned in the doorway and merely watched as Edward and Bella dug through the boxes. He looked unhappy and uncomfortable, like he was trying to find an excuse to make them stop. There wasn't much he could say, though. This was what he wanted - a chance to prove to Alice that he wasn't the bad guy. If he could get her best friends on his side, he knew he'd have a much better chance.

But getting what he wanted was as double edged sword.

Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory had come running to him when they saw Alice with Felix for the first time in the celebrity gossip sites. It had been a while since Jasper had laid eyes on Alice and the difference was astounding.

She was vibrant. The way she held herself was so different from what he was used to. She was the epitome of perfect posture and utmost confidence. Her smile, as she held onto Felix's arm, was easy and adoring.

Jasper had realized then that he no longer had anything to offer this new Alice. The Alice he'd known needed a safe harbor. She'd needed something steady in her unstable life. She had needed a friend she could count on. The Alice in those pictures was worldly - deserving of a lifestyle so much bigger than a lieutenant on the Forks Police squad could ever offer.

The downside of being able to tie up loose ends was the finality of the closure he sought. He wasn't sure what he was going to do when he had to live his life without the smallest possibility of Alice.

With a long suffering sigh, he gave in, and went to help Bella and Edward sort through the boxes.

It was hard. The last time Jasper had seen the insides of these boxes, he'd been a shell shocked, teenage boy. He hadn't seen or heard from his wife in months when he got the call from Jessica. Her father was Alice's Realtor. All of Alice's things would be sold off, given away or trashed. She convinced her father to let Jasper take whatever he wanted. He'd spent hours carefully packing everything in Alice's room. He'd been numb - telling himself that one day Alice would remember that he'd taken care of her whenever he could since they were kids. One day she would remember that it was him she'd turned to when James had been cruel. One day she would wake them both up from this nightmare world where nothing was as it should be, and when that happened, she would want her old stuff - her old life - back.

Still, he smiled wistfully, unable to stop himself from explaining certain things. Edward opened a box filled to the brim with awards and certificates. Jasper told them that she'd been a dancer - and fantastic at what she did. She was mesmerizing- her body speaking as it moved to the music.

Bella found a box of newspaper wrapped picture frames and was hopeful that one of them would have what she needed. Jasper stopped her after she'd unwrapped four of them. "I didn't pack the ones she had of her and James," he said flatly. "She probably has a lot of loose images, or scrapbooks in here somewhere...but I left all the framed ones at the house."

In the photos Bella did see, she couldn't help but notice that Jasper's eyes were always on Alice. Most of them were group shots, but Jasper was always looking at her, a private, adoring smile on his face. And, Bella noted, Alice was often looking back at him. The expression was intimate.

They'd loved each other.

As the afternoon wore on, Bella was mostly quiet. So much of what they found in the boxes didn't hold with the Alice she'd come to know and love. It was a lot to take in - these two radically different sides of her best friend.

But there in that room, between the pictures and the reverent way Jasper handled Alice's things, Bella couldn't help but think that the blond haired man could never have hurt her friend.

Still, though they'd put a fairly good sized dent in the pile of boxes, as afternoon bled into late afternoon they hadn't found anything concrete to prove Jasper's claims.

Bella's thoughts were interrupted, for the hundreth time in the last few hours, by Edward's phone chiming. Edward pulled the cell out, staring at the screen. "Um. I'll be right back," he mumbled, standing and heading out the door quickly. A moment later the sound of the front door opening and closing could be heard.

"Hmm," Bella said. "Will you excuse me for a minute?" she asked Jasper.

"Of course," Jasper said distractedly, flipping through what looked like an old yearbook.

Concerned that something was going on with Edward, Bella quickly walked through the house out onto the patio. Edward was leaning on the railing, phone in his hand. He turned when he heard the door swing open.

"Is everything okay? You keep running off to answer the…" Bella trailed off when she saw the look on his face. Edward was…happy. His cheeks were flushed and a small, private grin played at the edges of his lips, like a shy school girl with a crush. "Edward Anthony Cullen, when were you going to tell me?"

He forced his lips into a frown. "Tell you what?"

"Don't give me that. I know that look. You've met someone," Bella accused, crossing her arms.

"No I ha-" he started to try to deny it but the fierce expression on Bella's face had him backpedaling. "I…I… I  _really_  like him, Bella."

Him turned out to be a man who was a senior at the University of Washington, where Edward still worked as a counselor, named Benjamin Massri. Benjamin was a music major – a huge turn on for Edward, not only because he had a passion for musical arts, but also because he'd pursued his dream despite his father's insistence that he follow him into politics. Amun Massri was a strong political figure in Washington. He was on a short list of senators who had a shot at the presidency someday and was a very powerful man. Amun had threatened not to pay Benjamin's way through school – which was how a young man of his means had ended up at UDub instead of some Ivy League school.

"He sounds great," Bella said sincerely, loving the new gleam in Edward's eyes. It took a lot to earn Edward's admiration. Bella could count on one hand the number of people he'd dated with any degree of seriousness in all the years she'd known him.

Then again, the same could be said of her.

"So, why didn't you want to tell me?" Bella asked.

Edward pursed his lips, turning slightly so he could muss her hair tenderly. "I don't know," he admitted. "Alice is, hopefully, getting married. I've been there – where it seems like all your friends are in relationships and you aren't." He shrugged.

Bumping his side lightly, Bella smiled. "I'm happy for both of you."

The door opened then, and Jasper stepped out. He took in the two of them, standing with their sides pressed against each other, and rubbed the back of his neck self consciously. "I was just going to pick up some dinner. You're welcome to stay if you'd like."

"No, actually," Bella glanced at Edward, "I think Edward wants to go back to the Inn. He has an important call to make."

Edward raised an eyebrow, silently asking her two questions:  _Did you just dismiss me so I could go have phone sex with the boy I'm seeing,_ and  _Are you sure you want me to leave you alone with him?_

A roll of her eyes and a tilt of her head spoke volumes to Edward.  _You know you want to get your 900 voice on_ and  _I've been alone with him in the middle of a forest – I'll be fine._

"I hope you don't mind if I excuse myself," Edward said, sounding not entirely certain about it.

"Is it okay if I stay with you?" Bella asked Jasper.

Jasper glanced between her and Edward. "I don't have a problem with that. Do you want to go with me to pick up some food?"

"Sure," Bella said. She turned and hugged Edward good-bye.

Soon, Jasper and Bella were alone again.

"Your boyfriend is very protective of you," Jasper commented, his voice unassuming as they got in his car.

"He isn't my boyfriend," Bella said automatically, used to having to clear that up. "When it comes to romance, Edward prefers the exclusive company of men."

"Oh. Ohhhh," Jasper turned to her briefly, one side of his mouth quirked up. "Well, Tanya is going to be devastated." He chuckled, turning back to look at the street. "I should have known."

"Why is that?"

"He's very pretty."

"You're pretty," Bella responded almost automatically. Her face snapped forward then, her cheeks heating as he looked at her incredulously.

His light laughter sounded almost as nervous as she felt. Bella was startled when the car stopped, but when she looked up, she noticed that they were in a parking lot, in front of a ma and pop pizza place. Before she could get out and forget that moment ever happened, Jasper leaned in toward her. His physical presence so close to her made Bella freeze. "That's too bad. Here I was, going for sexy."

He pretended to sigh as he leaned back and smoothly got out of the car.

It took Bella's brain three full seconds to restart. It didn't help when he leaned back in the door with an easy smile and said, "Oh, uh... Bella. You're pretty too."

Her eyes narrowed at him as he straightened up, and she got out of the car. He wanted to tease her? Fine, two could play at that game. She walked a couple of steps and leaned over the hood. "Jasper?"

He leaned in from his side. "Yes?"

"Did you downgrade me from beautiful then?"

Before he could wipe the shocked look off his face, Bella turned, her hair flipping behind her in a move Alice actually taught her, and strode quickly to the door. She held it open, trying to contain her smirk as he shook off his surprise, laughing as he walked through the door. "Emmett?"

"He seems like a great guy."

"The best," Jasper agreed.

They decided to eat at the little pizzeria. Over pepperoni, olive and pineapple pizza, Bella found that a switch had been flipped inside her. Her anger and uncertainty about Jasper was gone. Without that confusion weighing her thoughts down, she found she actually enjoyed Jasper's company. He was intelligent and funny - charming, when he tried to be.

They lingered long after the pizza was gone. It seemed like they were both avoiding going back to Jasper's place. There was a sense of foreboding. Looking through all those pictures was like looking at pictures of a dead child. It was a life that had been so full of promise, cut short prematurely. That was when Bella knew that she was coming to like Jasper. His pain weighed heavily on her, and she wanted nothing more than to soothe him.

Vaguely, Bella wondered if this was in violation of the friend code with Alice. It wasn't exactly like trying to remain friends with both parties through a bad break up. It was a lot more confusing.

When they did get home, the atmosphere around them moving quickly from light to heavy the closer they got to his house. The levity of the evening faded as they thought of going back into the house...and getting back to the business of ending Jasper's marriage for good.

"Look. This is probably going to sound weird," Bella blurted as they pulled up to the house. "But I know that today hasn't been easy on you. Why don't we take a break from all this searching? Maybe we can watch a movie or something?"

He blinked at her, trying to make sure he'd heard her right. "You sure?"

She shrugged. "If I'm not imposing. Honestly all this," she gestured at the house, "is a lot to think about. My brain is a little fried over all the things I didn't know about Alice, if that makes sense. There's not exactly anything exciting to do here in Forks. So, it's either hang out with you or hang out in my room...contemplating just how dark it can get when you're surrounded by forest."

"How horrible," Jasper said dryly, but he seemed to be amused. "Yeah, alright. I suppose I can let you horn in on my truly epic night out on the town." He grinned at her. "I was actually just going to finish my puzzle and watch a little TV. How exciting is that?"

"I'm pretty easy to please," Bella smiled back. "That sounds like a great time to me."

Jasper told her to pick out any movie she liked while he made some hot chocolate. They settled down - Bella on the couch and Jasper on the floor so he could be closer to his puzzle.

"Really? Die Hard?" he asked, amused.

"There's nothing wrong with a good Bruce Willis flick," Bella countered. "I actually like Die Hard with a Vengeance best for comedic value, but ... I mean, come on. He throws a car at a helicopter. Who could get away with that besides Bruce Willis?"

"Can't argue with that," Jasper allowed.

Mostly, they ended up ignoring the movie, finding it easier to talk now that they were away from the ghosts of the past that plagued them.

"So...you were born here?" Jasper prompted. He'd been curious about this since Edward had mentioned it earlier that day.

"I was. I haven't been back since I was a baby though."

"You're not... related to Charlie Swan, are you?" he asked.

Bella narrowed her eyes in confusion, wondering how Jasper would know Charlie's name. "He's my father."

"Chief Marks talks about him a lot," Jasper murmured, a little ruefully. "Charlie Swan who gave up his life here to chase after his runaway wife and daughter."

They talked then about her life in Phoenix and how she ended up in Seattle. He talked a little about his life here. How Emmett had moved into town when there was a shortage of local lumberjacks. Jasper had to arrest him for drunk and disorderly conduct but had so much fun talking with him through the bars of the holding cell that they'd become instant good friends.

Bella couldn't help but notice, as Jasper talked about his life, that the only names that came up with any frequency were Emmett, Rosalie and Esme. Hesitantly, she asked if he'd ever seen anyone with any degree of seriousness. His answer was an immediate 'no.'

"You've never thought about anyone else?" Bella asked, the idea of Jasper being alone striking her as impossibly sad.

He shrugged, picking up a puzzle piece and turning it over in his hands. "There's no one around here that's really been able to hold my interest."

"Really? What about Esme? She's ... beautiful and kind. And she's done a hell of a job with the Inn." Not to mention reconstructing her life after being in an abusive relationship.

Jasper huffed, busying his hands by connecting two edge sections together. "Esme's amazing, but...just...no."

"Is it the age thing?" Bella asked, not entirely teasing. She knew many men preferred younger women. "She's not that much older than us." She was about the same age as Carlisle.

Over the years, wistful over the fact that she could never have Edward, Bella's eye had often wandered over to his older brother, entertaining that possibility. He was stunningly attractive and gentle, like Edward. But there was always something ... too familiar about Carlisle. He was much more like a brother to her, or a father, even. It was always him that she, Alice and Edward alike went to if they needed advice.

"It's not an age thing," Jasper answered, looking up at her. "It's a pedestal thing. Since the day I met her, she's always been beyond me. I never really considered it." He shrugged. "I guess I just don't look at her with those eyes."

Bella pretended to concentrate on the oddly shaped pieces of cardboard in front of her while she put together quite a different puzzle in her head.

There was a lot you could tell about a person if you just listened for a while. Edward always told her that she would make an excellent profiler for the FBI. She'd have even made a damn good psychologist. Either way, her instinct toward analyzing people was what had kept her single. It didn't take much more than a few conversations for Bella to find a negative trait or weakness in a man that she couldn't see dealing with long term. It was, in many ways, her own negative trait, but Bella preferred it, even when she got a little lonesome. If nothing else, it saved time and undue heartache.

But Jasper wasn't like a lot of men she'd known. His inherent weakness was directly connected to his heart, and proof positive that he was capable of a profound love. It wasn't that he had a fatal weakness - he was merely stuck.

As a boy he'd had a crush on a girl that was always unavailable - not because he couldn't have had her, but because he'd elevated her beyond his reach. It was a trait that many teenagers had and typically grew out of as they gained life experience. Jasper just hadn't had the chance to.

While Alice had moved on and grown into womanhood, building her confidence through personal struggles, Jasper had remained behind, waiting for that lost little girl to find her way back home. He'd been so caught up in dwelling on how things had gone so fantastically wrong that the world had passed him by.

"When's your next day off?" she asked into the silence.

He didn't look up, distracted as he was by the puzzle in front of him. His lips, as he concentrated, pouted out slightly. He had, Bella noted, a gorgeous profile."The day after tomorrow. Why?"

"Well, tomorrow night, we're going out," she said nonchalantly, as if they were friends and this was a typical thing to do.

That drew Jasper's attention away from the puzzle. "Out?" he asked, as if the word were foreign to his tongue.

"Out. What...surely Forks has one bar."

"The Hang-Up Tavern isn't bad. I guess. I mean, I only ever arrest drunks there. I haven't actually been in there recreationally."

"Then that's where we're going," Bella said decisively.

He blinked at her, studying her face as if trying to decide what alternate universe he'd stepped into. "Bella, you've pretty much hated me from the moment we met. Now you're wanting to hang out? What's going on?"

"I didn't hate you," she answered quietly, her face an open book for him to read. "I hate the man who hurt Alice. Maybe it's crazy...but I don't think you're him anymore. And maybe I don't know a lot about you, but I know I could use a night out, so why not?"

Again he was quiet, likely considering how quickly the tables had turned. This morning, Bella had been certain he was going to hit her.

"No games. No expectations... like I said, it's been awhile since I've been out on the town," Bella assured.

He had to laugh. "Right, because Forks has a nightlife." He grinned then - a genuine smile that absolutely overtook his face. He was, in that moment, beautiful. "Well, alright Miss Swan. A night out on the town...such as it is. Shall I pick you up?"

His genuine amusement and apparent happiness were infectious. Bella was glad she'd asked him. "Sure."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you to josieswan for beta'ing from her death bed. I really hope you start to feel better soon, babe. Thanks also to grrlinterrupted for looking a few things over. This chapter was like pulling teeth for me. Damn mojo. I blame Rob and Kristen, making me obsess over Edward and Bella. The nerve.
> 
> Anyway. I know I've been a bastard about not replying to reviews. I'm working on correcting that. I read each one and just know - y'all make me so danged happy. I'll be better about them this time. This time I mean it!


	6. Would Do You Good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedication: To my ridiculous Melly. I love you and your heinous, lying green dot.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.

" _ **A change would do you good,"**_

_**~A Change, Sheryl Crow** _

Bella had reached a stage of contentment that had previously only been achieved by tiny kittens curled up on the fluffiest of pillows in the most perfect beam of sunlight. She was warm and felt more peaceful than she had in a long time. An automatic cheerfulness settled over her as she woke - something residual.

Awareness came back to Bella in increments, but when she sighed and her warm, good smelling blanket chuckled, her eyes all but flew open.

There was an arm wrapped around her.

The chuckle was distinctly male.

It was also familiar.

Bella rolled over. "Edward, how the hell did you get in here?"

Edward looked amused. "Good morning to you too," he murmured. When she only glared back at him, he relented. "I charmed Esme into letting me in." He waggled his eyebrows playfully.

"Figures," Bella mumbled, rubbing her eyes with the palms of her hands. Being his best friend meant that Bella was very familiar with Edward's ability to charm just about anyone - male, female, child, or cat - into giving him anything he wanted. Had he a mind to, the boy most certainly could have used his gifts for evil.

"So, you just needed a cuddle or something? Is...what's his name... Benjie not paying you enough attention?" she grumbled, sitting up against the headboard.

Then it was Edward's turn to glare. "Benjamin. Maybe Ben. Not Benjie," he corrected, fixing her with a hard stare until she put her hands up in surrender. His expression softened and he tilted his head at her then. "Actually, I fully intended to spook you awake -"

"Brat."

"-but I happened to hear what you were mumbling in your dream."

Bella froze. The way Edward was looking at her was mildly disapproving and more than a little mischievous. She knew that she talked in her sleep of course. She wracked her brain, but couldn't for the life of her remember what she'd dreamed about. "What did you hear?" she asked, feigning disinterest.

"Well, you said Jasper's name a lot."

"That's to be expected," she defended automatically. "I mean, obviously he's in my thoughts constantly right now. It's only logical, right?"

Edward raised an eyebrow. "You called him Big Daddy."

All the color drained from Bella's face. "I did not!" she squeaked.

"No, you didn't," he agreed, grinning. Bella smacked his arm and he sobered again. "You did say he was sexy though."

At that, Bella looked down at her hands. She shrugged. "I'm not blind."

He chuckled. "Well, I can't disagree with you on that count." He shook his head ruefully. "Sorry. I guess I got a little freaked out. It just sounded like... a pleasant dream. That's all." He laughed. "I just got carried away. It's not like you'd date your best friend's husband."

Bella opened her mouth to confirm that when a memory stopped her.

The night previous, as he drove her back to the Inn, Jasper had softly pointed out that if they went to a bar together, anyone who saw them would assume they were on a date. At the time, Bella had merely scoffed and said she didn't give much of a damn about what the good denizens of Forks thought. The majority of them, from what Jasper and Esme had said, were fairly certain she was doing everything she could - short of beating Jasper about the head - to make his life miserable.

Edward's opinion, however, she did care about.

She wasn't able to erase the guilty expression from her face quick enough. Edward caught it and his eyes went wide. "Bella..."

"Oh, what?" Bella demanded, exasperated. "It's nothing, okay? It's just... it's not a date, okay? I mean, the man has puzzles out in his living room," she said as if this should justify anything.

Edward furrowed his eyebrows. "You are missing some information that will make that statement make sense.

Growling in frustration, she wrung her hands in the blanket, trying to put her thoughts together. "He has no one, Edward," she said, the thought making her heart twist painfully for Jasper. "He hangs out a little with Esme and Emmett, but that's the extent of his life here. He doesn't even date."

"Well, whose fault is that? From what I understand the majority of the women in this town have a crush on him – even the married ones. That's his choice," Edward countered.

"Think about it. No one here even knows the whole truth of what went on between him and Alice. What's the point of dating someone who really doesn't understand what you've been through?"

"Whoa, whoa," Edward got up so he could face her. "I thought you said it wasn't a date."

"It isn't! He's a nice guy. I just thought… I don' know what I thought. This whole mess is making him really sad. I just wanted to … cheer him up," Bella babbled, very well aware she was digging herself a deeper hole.

Edward was outright gawking at her. "You have a crush on him."

"Oh, come off it," Bella protested. "I do not. And what are we? In high school?"

"Isabella, I know that look. That is a look previously reserved for Johnny Depp and Johnny Depp alone. I'm going to ask you again. Do you have a crush on Jasper Whitlock?"

Bella thought about calling him on his condescending tone. But then the bravado all but melted out of her faster than an ice cube in a pot of boiling water. She leaned forward, burying her face in the blankets. "Can you give me a break here? I mean, contrary to popular belief I am a girl. He is a sexy, charming guy who has been pining for years over the wife he married – despite the fact that he was eighteen years old and she was pregnant with another man's child – who hates him. I mean…come on. I'm hardwired to crush a little on that. Plus… you haven't seen him in his uniform, Edward. Seriously."

She felt the bed dip as Edward knelt, then his hands were on her, tugging her upright. "Bella," he said softly and waited until she looked up at him. "Even if he is telling the truth about everything – and we have no reason to believe he is –"

"I believe him," Bella interrupted, more sure of that than she was about anything else.

Edward sighed and continued as if she hadn't spoken. "He's still your best friend's husband." He paused as Bella's eyes flitted away guilty.

She chuffed. "I'm going to a bar with a man I trust. We're going to have a few drinks, hopefully have a good time. That is all that's going on here," she said firmly.

"Are you sure? Sweetheart, you're playing with fire here. This is so unlike you – to do something that could hurt Alice a lot."

Scrambling to put a little distance between them as her defenses rose, Bella kicked the blankets off and climbed out of the bed on the side opposite of where Edward knelt. "I'm not trying to hurt Alice. I'm not doing anything wrong. For fucks sake – it's just taking a guy out who could use a few drinks over a fucked up situation."

She took a deep breath, calming herself before she spoke again. "Edward...she loved him once. I've seen it. I'm sure of it. She would have wanted him to be happy again, even if she doesn't remember that now. All this time, Alice has had us to support her when she needed it. Surely not even Alice – if she knew the whole truth – would begrudge him a little fun."

Edward still looked wary, always worried - for both her and Alice. "I'm not stupid," Bella asserted.

He crawled over to her side of the bed then and sat on the edge, pulling her down beside him. "You have such a big heart, Bella," he murmured, wrapping an arm around her waist. Bella put her head on his shoulder. "I would just hate to see you trust the wrong person." He chuckled, ruffling her hair playfully. "You're such a bad liar, you'll believe anyone who has the least bit of skill."

At that she thwacked him hard in the stomach. Edward made a satisfying "Ooff," sound but then chuckled, holding her tighter even as she tried to push him away. "Alright," he digressed. "Either way, we're back to square one. We still need evidence we can actually present to Alice."

Bella rifled through her bag, pulling out a list of names. "Well, I suppose I don't have much of a choice but to try to find someone else who might have known them. I can get back into her boxes tomorrow but until then..."

"I am definitely coming with you if you're going to talk to that Lauren girl you told me about?"

Amused, Bella raised an eyebrow. "What, you think I can't take a bitch?"

At that Edward rolled his eyes. "And give Jasper a legitimate reason to throw you in a cell. I can help you." He pointed to himself, smirking, "Charming, remember?"

"As if I could forget."

~0~

That afternoon was a frustrating one. Bella and Edward headed back to the Miller Tree Inn after several unsuccessful conversations.

At the Pacific Inn Motel they had not found Lauren. They did, however, find Jessica Stanley. She had been far more polite to their faces, but in that two faced way the French had perfected where she said one thing and meant something entirely different.

Edward's shameless flirting had loosened her tongue a bit. She did remember a James. Specifically, she remembered the way Jasper pretended it didn't hurt when Alice went "catting around with that creepy blond," further adding that said blond had eyes like a snake.

No, despite her sugar-sweet tone, it was obvious that Jessica was not a fan of Alice. "It's not going to help us to expose Alice to antagonistic people," Edward said when they left the Inn.

Bella agreed. "At least we know he was real," she said pointedly.

Edward's answering hum was noncommittal.

They spent the rest of the day fruitlessly trying to track down an Angela Weber. Whoever she was, she seemed to have disappeared right off the face of the planet. Bella couldn't blame her for wanting to escape Forks.

Since Edward had to get back, they headed back to the Inn at mid-afternoon.

"Looks like Carlisle is back," Edward noted, nodding at his brother's car.

They got out of the car, but Edward paused as they climbed up to the porch. He pulled her down into a crouching position so they were peering in the window. "Seriously, Edward?" she hissed in a whisper. "Is this where I find out that you're a creeper?"

Edward didn't look amused. "Would you shut up? You'll want to see this. It's...sweet."

Skeptically, Bella peered in the window to see what Edward was looking at. Carlisle and Esme were sitting side by side, caught up in conversation. Their faces were lit up with smiles, their eyes only for each other. Looking at them, Bella thought that she and Edward could have done a Riverdance in front of the window and they wouldn't have noticed.

"Observe the Cullen mating dance," Edward narrated for her benefit. "You see how he appears totally enraptured by what she's saying? Some might consider this a ruse designed to lure the unsuspecting woman into bed, but you'll find that a real man, like a Cullen man, does not feign interest with the right woman. No, he's actually into what she's saying."

Bella chuckled and, smirking, Edward continued. "Now watch as he goes in for the kill. Notice that he leans in as he speaks, causing his intended to lean close as well. And you see his hand - brushing hers oh so innocently. That close together, his intended is dazzled -"

"Dazzled?" Bella snickered.

"Dazzled by the signature, Cullen emerald eyes." He grinned at her. "Always a killer."

"I can imagine," she murmured, not taking her eyes off Carlisle and Esme.

"Even just watching, you can see the atmosphere becomes heated. Conversation goes out the window as their gaze lingers on each others lips and then... the inevitable."

As if he was hearing Edward's commentary, Carlisle leaned in. His fingers stroked Esme's chin and his eyes were questioning. Her eyes closed as their lips met.

"And then, we strike," Edward said mischievously, rising and bringing Bella with him.

"Edward! No," Bella protested, laughing.

But it was too late. Edward opened the door, proclaiming loudly, "Hello, Brother! Esme!"

Carlisle and Esme were so startled that they both stood, both looking flushed. Looking at Edward's smug expression, the elder Cullen brother turned to Esme, smiling sweetly. "Allow me to beg your pardon in advance for my unruly behavior in your fine establishment."

Before Esme could respond, Carlisle lunged at his younger brother. Soon they were wrestling in the foyer like they were teenagers instead of grown men. "You think you can take me, old man?" Edward taunted, getting his brother in a headlock.

Carlisle grabbed Edward's leg and toppled him onto his back. "What was that? Ya whipper snapper?"

"Oh, my," Esme muttered, watching them wrestle.

Bella just cackled. "My bets on the blond."

~0~

Bella found herself getting inexplicably nervous as evening rolled around.

Carlisle and Edward had taken off for Seattle, both having to work the next day. Since Edward was going to tease him mercilessly the whole way back anyway, Carlisle had left Esme with a promise to come back that weekend - to look at a few more houses of course - and a sweet, deep kiss.

As Edward hugged Bella goodbye, he whispered in her ear, "Be careful."

"I know what I'm doing," she said.

Now, she wasn't so sure. She found herself brushing her hair and wondering ridiculous things like whether she should wear it up or if she'd brought her curler. Despite the fact that this wasn't a real date, she wanted to look good.

What would it hurt? She argued with herself about her intentions, but the bottom line was that it had been a long time since she'd gone out at all. It never hurt a girl's self esteem to look good.

Justified, she borrowed a curler from Esme, ignoring the other woman's knowing look, and teased her hair into soft waves. Then she'd put on jeans that she knew made her ass look good, and a button down shirt that hugged her curves.

Bella was adjusting her shirt obsessively when there was a knock on the door. "Bella," a highly amused Esme called, "your gentleman caller is here."

Oh, she was a fine match for the elder Cullen, that was for sure. Rolling her eyes, Bella grabbed her purse and opened the door.

Esme was already most of the way down the stairs, so Bella followed her down, trying to ignore the fluttering butterflies in her stomach. She almost stopped short when Jasper came into view.

It was like the first time she saw him in the police station except instead of the fantasy-inducing police uniform, he was wearing a much more casual get-up of a form fitting gray shirt, jeans and a black jacket. Delectable didn't even begin to cover it. That day being a work day, he was clean shaven save for a light, five-o-clock shadow. She didn't miss how his eyes - looking as nervous as she felt - raked over her body.

"Hi," he said brilliantly.

"Hello," she greeted with just as much eloquence.

They were both distracted by merry chuckling moving further back into the house. Jasper rubbed the back of his head. "Sorry about her. Esme is a hopeless romantic. When I showed up here asking for you, she was already writing an unlikely love story in her head."

Jasper cleared his throat in the awkward silence that followed. Bella shuffled her feet. "We should go," she said quietly.

"Yeah," Jasper agreed, nodding. They looked at each other. Bella widened her eyes at him expectantly. "Oh. Right. We should go," he blushed, chuckling nervously.

They both laughed then, amused as much as they were irritated with themselves. It did serve to break the tension, and conversation flowed easily between them after that.

"How did you spend your day?" Jasper asked as he drove.

"Oh, no," Bella shook her head. "The whole point of this evening is to not talk about this whole situation."

"Fair enough," Jasper said smiling.

The Hang-Up Tavern was, as could be expected for the town of Forks, a real dive. There were no pool tables or dart boards. However, there was a screen they could feed quarters into in order to play various games. They decided on Mahjong and played, their fingers occasionally brushing, as they spoke.

"My life is boring," Jasper said, taking a drink of his beer after Bella had asked him a question. "Forks isn't known for its crime rate, and lord knows I'm not that interesting." He shook his head at the bar and then looked up at her again. "Tell me more about you."

Bella gave a short laugh. "There isn't much to say. I went to college, but I didn't have any idea what I wanted to do with my life. I got a degree in business just because I had to make a decision. So now I'm a manager at a company that drives me crazy."

Jasper hissed in sympathy. "Well, what about your love life? Have you met the man of your dreams?"

"Oh, yes." For a second, Bella thought that a dark look flashed across Jasper's eyes, but then it was gone and she thought she must have imagined it. "And he loves me. But he has sex with other people I'm afraid."

"What?" Jasper asked, uncertainly.

"Yeah. Like right now he's probably with a man named Benjamin. Not Benjie," she said with a touch of sardonic humor.

It took a moment for Jasper to process that. "Edward?"

Bella nodded.

"That must have been hard," he sympathized.

"It was and it wasn't," she said quietly. "I never lost him because I never had him. We both lament that we're not … compatible in that way. But on the bright side, he loves me, and because he's a friend and not a boyfriend, it's fairly unlikely that we'll ever break-up. So to speak."

"There's never been anyone else?" Jasper asked, sounding sad at the idea she had been alone all that time.

Bella shrugged. "I don't know if I'm good girlfriend material. I don't know, it seems that a lot of the guys I've met - hell, the girls too - just have this idea that you have to be in a relationship to be happy. I've never subscribed to that. Seeing a lot of my friends move in and out of relationships, losing pieces of themselves each time for people that they shouldn't have been with in the first place. I guess I haven't really been looking that hard."

"I can understand that," Jasper nodded, clinking his beer bottle against hers. He'd seen so many people - Alice included, of course - just wasting their precious time with significant others that, were they thinking at all rationally, they never would have chosen. "It's a delicate balance, I think," he said thoughtfully. "You have to do things for yourself and part of a whole at the same time - but you can't lose yourself. You can't live for someone else, and that's what a lot of people end up doing."

"Isn't that what you've done?" Bella asked not unkindly.

Jasper didn't answer right away. He didn't look at her, moving his fingers over the screen in front of him, mindlessly pairing up tiles. "That wasn't how it was supposed to be, you know?" he said softly. "It wasn't that I gave up any dreams to marry Alice. We both had dreams. We knew that...starting a family as young as we were... it was going to be hard. But we were willing to work hard and work together."

"But then, why not realize your dreams after she was gone?" she pressed, honestly curious. When Jasper looked at her, one eyebrow arched in bemusement, she apologized quickly. "I'm sorry. We weren't supposed to be talking about this."

"No, it's fine. I just can't imagine why you're interested," he admitted.

Bella shrugged, looking at the screen. "It just seems like you're wasted on this town...and in your job. You know I have no problem with police officers - my father's one. But it seems like a waste of your mind."

Jasper gaped, a little shocked by her answer, and Bella kept her eyes studiously trained on the mahjong tiles on the screen. He chuckled to himself, trying to remember her original question. "I don't know why, really. At first, when I was sure she would remember and come back, I was just holding up my part of the bargain. I worked hard. I bought a house that would be great for a small family. The way we had figured it - Alice was going to go to school and take care of the baby, with her parents and my parents help. Then I was going to get to go to school while Alice worked.

"But then, of course, she never came back. A few years passed while I waited...and then my dad got sick. Then there were endless doctor visits, hospital stays...helping my mom out with the house and all that," he trailed off, a forlorn expression coming over him as he remembered.

Wanting to comfort him, Bella reached out without thinking, stroking his hand. Jasper looked down, watching her fingers move over him and resisting the urge to flip his hand over to hold hers. Unconsciously, he leaned in, his voice getting lower as he continued. "My father passed away about a year and a half ago now. My mother moved to Florida and … I'm just here, I guess." He laughed again, humorlessly. "Wow, it's a little pathetic to hear out loud."

"It's not pathetic," Bella countered quickly. "Life just happens sometimes. I understand that. I mean, look at me. I really haven't had any challenges to overcome - not like you have anyway. And I've been working at a job that I can't stand, trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I still don't have an answer. Now that's pathetic."

"No it isn't," he murmured, realizing belatedly that he was staring at her lips. "Edward told me, yesterday, that you two met because you were both volunteering on the Rape help line on campus. He says you still volunteer there."

"I do. I volunteer a number of places, actually," Bella confirmed, wondering where he was going with this.

"Sometimes it's not about what you do to earn a living... it's about what you do with your life as a whole that counts," Jasper concluded.

They had, in the course of their conversation, leaned in so close together that their noses nearly brushed then. Somehow, the proximity was not awkward. Rather, it almost seemed like too much space existed between them. Bella could see in his eyes a hunger she instinctively recognized. He wanted to kiss her.

She found that she wanted to let him.

For one, two, three moments they froze.

Then, Jasper closed his eyes, forcing himself to turn away from her. He breathed in slowly through his nose, trying to reorient himself.

"You really haven't seen anyone seriously since Alice?" Bella blurted without thinking, needing to fill the silence between them.

Jasper's head snapped to her, not quite sure he'd heard correctly. "What? Haven't you already asked me that?"

"Sorry... it's just that it's not hard to see that the single ladies around here are fans of yours. Why wouldn't they be," she chuffed. "You're not like me, you know? You're a little bit of a romantic. I don't see you as..." she trailed off, realizing belatedly what she was about to say. She was going to say that he didn't seem like the one night stand kind of guy, and she couldn't imagine that he hadn't had sex since Alice had been gone. But that wasn't any of her business and way too personal besides. She shook her head, laughing at herself. "You know what... can we start over? Just blame it on the alcohol and forget I said anything?"

All too glad to steer the subject away from that can of worms, Jasper asked her an inane question about what kind of movies she was interested in.

As the night wound down they found themselves reluctant to part, but as they were not on an official date, neither of the pair could think of a good excuse to stay. Reluctantly, Jasper drove Bella back to the Miller Tree Inn.

"Thank you for tonight," he said sincerely as he walked her to the door. "You were right. I needed the break."

She smiled at him, her eyes soft even in the weak light. "I had a good time. You're good company."

They both lingered, out of excuses to stay in each others company.

"You were right," Jasper said suddenly, just as Bella was about to turn away.

"What?" she asked, turning back.

"Earlier, at the bar when you asked about other people?" Jasper sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, looking anywhere but her. "Two years ago, there was a woman. Maria. She and I had a ... thing going for a while. For the first time since... since Alice, I was happy with someone."

He took a deep breath, looking up at the stars. "We had been seeing each other for almost half a year when she started asking a lot of questions about Alice - specifically if I was ever going to get a divorce. I got defensive. I broke it off with her without a second thought. I never even thought to regret it." He looked down, shaking his head before looking back to Bella. "What does that say about me?"

They looked at each other for long moments. Bella stepped back down to Jasper's side. "It was hard for Alice too, you know... to think about being with someone else? But sometimes, you've got to learn to take what you want, Jasper. When you can have it."

He stepped closer to her. The chill in the night air seemed to fade, and Bella's face grew hot as Jasper's eyes took her in from her toes all the way up, stopping at her eyes. Even in the darkness of the evening, they were wide and alive. "Take what I want?" he echoed.

Bella nodded, finding that she had forgotten how to use words.

He took another step toward her, leaning down and kissing her. In the same instant, his hands went to her waist, pulling her up against him - taking exactly what he'd wanted all night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: TwilightMundi is SUCH a hero. My betas are laid up - one of them having just given birth and the other just very ill (I know right? How dare they.) - and she offered her beta services of excellence. Thank you darling!
> 
> Incidentally, sorry about the delay in updating. I got sick and it's horrendously difficult to concentrate when you have cold as bad as this one is. Ugh. But I'm getting over it. It shouldn't be as long before the next update.
> 
> Hit the button! Curse me out for leaving it there if you want. I know. It's evil. It's all about the pacing dudes.


	7. Broken By the Rules of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedication: Jeez Melly, don't you ever get tired of seeing your name up here?
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.

" _ **What ravages of spirit**_

_**conjured this temptuous rage** _

_**created you a monster** _

_**broken by the rules of love** _

_**and fate has lead you through it** _

_**you do what you have to do,"** _

_**~Do What You Have To Do, Sarah McLachlan** _

For the length of one breath, Bella was frozen. Her mind and heart seemed to stop, not comprehending what was happening. All she registered was a distinct thrill that raced through her like a shock of static electricity, except pleasurable instead of unpleasant. Then, her body kicked into overdrive. She wrapped her arms around Jasper's neck, throwing herself into the kiss. He moaned softly against her mouth, shocked by her sudden eagerness. His hands, at her waist, pressed into her skin.

When they parted, both breathless, neither of them made any move to back away. Bella felt one of Jasper's hands lift from her waist a few seconds before she felt his hesitant touch on her cheek. He traced the pad of his thumb down, stroking once over her lips as her eyes fluttered open. His eyes, as he looked on her, were soft and unsure, but wanting. Her fingers brushed through the strands of hair at the back of his neck, and she could imagine her eyes reflected those same emotions.

Moving his thumb beneath her chin, Jasper bent down slightly and pressed his lips to hers again. This kiss was not as voracious as the first. It was sweeter … and deeper. Their eyes closed again as their mouths opened, tongues lapping gently together. Bella sighed contently as she all but melted against him, letting his arms support her. Her hands dropped from his neck to his shoulders, and then rested on his chest.

She felt the chain he always wore, and the two simple, gold rings that hung on it, at the same time he remembered they were there.

They parted abruptly, both staggering one step back. "I'm sorry," Bella breathed automatically.

"No I… I," Jasper stumbled. "I've got to go," he finished lamely.

Desperately needing to clear her head, Bella could only nod. There was an awkward moment as neither of them knew quite how to say goodbye. "Oh. I meant to ask you. Can I come over tomorrow?"

Jasper's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"To finish. I mean. To go through the rest of the boxes," she explained hurriedly.

"Oh," Jasper rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah. No problem. Just drop by at your convenience. I'll be home all day." He walked backward a few steps, giving her a small smile. "Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight," she echoed, climbing the steps. She hated the stilted feeling that suddenly existed between them, but at the same time she didn't know what to do about it. Defeated, she waved once before going inside the house.

The hallway was well lit – Esme no doubt having left the lights on for her. Bella almost wished it weren't. Right now she wished there was a hole to climb into. Closing her eyes, she leaned against the closed front door instead, putting her fingers to her lips and trying hard not to cry.

Her emotions were befuddled, taking her down several paths at once. It was impossible to deny her attraction to Jasper. He was a good man, and she'd felt so at ease with him all evening. She had such sympathy for his situation, and a strong desire to soothe his obvious pain.

And the kiss.

God, she still felt the heat of his body against hers. She ran her fingers over her lips, replaying how it felt when he kissed her. She'd had a few good kisses in her life, but they were no comparison. This kiss was, far and away, the best she'd ever experienced. She'd felt the heated thrill from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. His taste – slightly bitter from the alcohol and minty and masculine – was ingrained in her memory, and she craved it like chocolate.

But he was her best friend's husband.

Even under the best of circumstances, messing around with a friend's ex was never a good idea. Their situation was hardly the best of circumstances. Guilt pummeled her with the force of a hurricane wind. She gasped out loud at the outright pain of it.

Bella forced herself to push off the door, needing a distraction from the crippling emotion that ran through her. She tried to reason her way through what she felt.

It was simple. It didn't matter that she was attracted to Jasper; that would fade in time. Some men were simply not for her, just like Edward.

As she let herself into her room, trying to ignore the way her hands shook, Bella recalled Jasper's sympathetic smile in the bar when she told him about Edward. ' _It must have been hard_ ,' he'd said. She'd answered that she'd never lost him, so in a way it was easier than it could have been.

She crawled into the big, comfortable, but unfamiliar bed, pulling all the blankets around her and failing to feel any warmth.

Somehow, it felt like she was losing a lot now.

~0~

Bella's head was pounding when she woke up. It took her moments to wake up enough that she registered the thoroughly irritating noise was her ringtone for Alice. It was the Pocket Full of Sunshine song. Alice had put it in her phone knowing full well that Bella was too lazy to change it and that the song was so irritating, Bella would always answer as soon as possible just to get the damn thing to shut the hell up.

The phone had stopped its assault on her ears by the time she found it. Bella was a split second from hitting redial when the memories of the previous night came rushing back to her.

The thrill she'd felt every time their fingers brushed as they played mahjong.

The way his smile gave her a warm, pleased feeling in the pit of her belly.

His hands on her waist, pulling her against him.

The absolute perfection of their first kiss.

"Fuck," she said under her breath, falling forward into her hands against the blanket. She was startled upright, her head screaming in protest, when her phone rang again.

"Hello?" Bella answered hesitantly, telling herself that there was no way Alice could know what had happened the night before. After all, the girl wasn't psychic.

"Hey. It sounds like I woke you," Alice said, sounding like her normal, chipper self.

Bella cleared her throat. "Um. Yeah," she offered.

"What were you up to last night?" Alice laughed. "I know Forks doesn't have a nightlife."

Guilt was a crippling emotion, and Bella struggled to swallow it down enough to reply. "I just couldn't sleep, that's all."

"Seriously, Bella, I called to see how you were doing. I'm worried about you, down there all alone. I felt better when Edward and Carlisle were there," Alice said, her tone honestly concerned.

"Don't worry about me," Bella said flatly.

"Edward said he was being civil," Alice pressed.

"Alice, really. He's fine. He's being really nice," Bella said firmly. The part of her that desperately wished she could gab with her best friend about this great guy she'd met screamed at the word 'nice.' There were such better adjectives. "He tells me a lot about the good things in your relationship," she said carefully.

When her friend didn't reply, Bella spoke again, her tone soft and unassuming. "He told me about William."

Alice's breath staggered. "Oh," she said in a tiny voice.

"You never told me." She may have been a crummy friend for doing what she'd done last night, but Bella was still Alice's best friend. Things like husbands and babies were not secrets you were supposed to keep from your best friend.

"I don't know how to feel about William," Alice admitted, her voice shaky. "After the accident, I didn't remember, immediately, that I had been pregnant. The doctors told me about him, but I never saw him.

"I don't know if I ever told you much about the accident, but it gave me a lot of memory problems. The doctors told me that it was possible that some of my fantasies from before might feel like memories. I remembered that when I told Jasper, he reacted horribly. He called me such horrible names, and he didn't want the baby. I think it must have been a fantasy, but I also remembered lying in bed with him, and he was singing songs to the baby, with his head resting on my belly." She took a shuddering breath, obviously close to crying if she wasn't already. "I figured that must have been one of the fantasies."

"I'm sorry," Bella murmured, not knowing what else to say. Her heart ached, not only for Alice's loss but for Jasper's. She knew that what Alice had dismissed as fantasy must have been actual memories of how Jasper really was.

There had to be a way to make her see.

Alice took a deep breath, and when she spoke her voice was steady again. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. There were just so many things I wasn't ready to deal with. I mean, I know it's why we got married." She sighed, heavily. "He didn't want the baby. Why can't he just let me go?"

Bella closed her eyes tight, knowing this was probably not going to go well. Still, she had to try. "I think he just wants to talk to you, Alice. I think all he wants is a little closure for himself, that's all."

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "Are you telling me you think I should talk to him? Bella… I can't. I can't see him. I thought you understood that," Alice's voice was getting reedy. She was starting to panic.

"Shit. Alice, I'm sorry. Breathe deep, okay?"

"You don't understand. This whole nice thing? This is what he does," Alice continued as if Bella hadn't spoken. "After he screamed at me and shook me, he'd turn so sweet and sorrowful. It always confused me. It made me believe he was a good man, and I forgave him over and over." Her words were beginning to run together. "He'll make it all seem like my fault. He'll make it seem like he's the one that's been suffering for all these years."

"Alice. Please, calm down," Bella pleaded, feeling horrible. "I'm sorry I said it. Please just breathe."

"Is that what you think, Bella?" Alice asked, not even remotely calm. "Did he make you believe that he's suffered?"

"All I'm saying is that he's not the same boy he was once. That's all," Bella said soothingly.

Alice's answering laugh was bitter. "That's what he always said. 'I've changed. I'm sorry.' Ugh. It's so cliché and obvious, I hate that I fell for it time and time again. And I'm so scared that he'll still have that power over me. I don't  _want_  to forgive him, Bella."

~0~

Shortly after her disastrous call with Alice, Bella had received a text message from Jasper:  _ **Bring the papers when you come.**_

She'd stared at those words for a long time, wondering where Jasper's head was at. Driving to his house, she was nervous. She had no idea what to say to him after the previous evening. She had no idea what to do about Alice's outburst. There was a chance, though she'd previously refused to acknowledge it, that her friend wouldn't listen to the proof even if they had it.

But what could she do besides continue forward? Given time, Alice could be convinced. That was best for everyone, wasn't it? Alice would understand that there were good parts of her past, and Jasper would be able to move on.

With a head full of uncertainty, Bella pulled up to Jasper's street. She was greeted by a sight that brought a welcome laugh. Emmett was on the lawn holding a shrieking Tanya by her ankles above a rather large puddle. Tanya was trying to scale him like a jungle gym to get away from the dirty water, turning a deep shade of red as she giggled and screeched.

Jasper sat on the porch looking tickled. When he spotted her though, his smile fell and his face became a lot more serious. He stood and walked to her. Shocked into stillness by his expression, Bella didn't move to greet him.

She hated the emotion that welled in her the closer he got. She wanted to squirm like a child about to be scolded. Her face was hot, and she struggled to keep from looking down at her feet. There wasn't a lot Bella wouldn't have given for things between them to feel easy again. She forced herself to look him in the eye. Only Alice deserved to see her shame.

Over everything - the awkwardness, her nervousness and shame - there was a distinct happiness she felt when she saw him. Even though his eyes were tight knit, the corners of his lips twitched like they were on the verge of turning up. For a moment, they were silent, neither of them knowing what to say.

"You look tired," Bella murmured, taking in the shadows under his eyes.

"Yeah," Jasper agreed. "My mind was … busy last night."

Busy. She could imagine. "I brought these," she started, holding out the folder with the divorce papers he'd requested. Staring at them, Jasper looked like he was about to throw up. Instead, he swallowed had and nodded, taking the folder from her. He opened his mouth to thank her, but she cut him off. "Don't thank me," she said.  _I don't like hurting you,_ she thought.

Just then, the pitter patter of little feet in big mud puddles interrupted their tense moment. "Hi!" Tanya greeted, looking up at Bella carefully. She got on her tiptoes so she could stare into the car and then pouted. "No Edward?"

The child's devastated expression over her true love's absence made the pressure around Bella's heart lessen just a little bit. "I'm sorry, Tanya. He went home to Seattle."

Tanya put a finger in her mouth, looking very thoughtful for a five year old. "Seattle is far," she said solemnly.

Holding back a grin, Bella nodded. She was sure that Seattle was forever away to a little girl's mentality.

"What a problem," she sighed dramatically. "I can'ts marry him if he lives there. Mommy lives here. I can't leaves Mommy cuz she'd be all alone when Daddy has to work."

Jasper's chuckle was gentle, and Bella was surprised at the relief that flooded through her when she heard it. It was like some of the tension she was holding herself with instantly drained away. Her body sagged just slightly. Somehow, it seemed like if he could laugh, things weren't as impossibly heavy as they'd felt since last evening.

"Come on, Officer. It's about time for you to get on home," Jasper said, holding his hand out for Tanya to take.

The little girl screwed up her face. "How come every time she," Tanya pointed at Bella accusingly, "is here, I have to go home?" she demanded.

"Just official Forks business," Jasper said sternly. Bella surmised that he was using the real name of the town so Tanya would know that this was serious, not-for-kids business.

Tanya's little shoulder's slumped, but she nodded, reluctantly putting her hand in Jasper's. "Hey!" she said, perking up, "Lemme ride your back!"

Not even hesitating, Jasper scooped her up, transferring her onto his back smoothly. As soon as he was sure she was secure, Jasper took off for his neighbor's house.

"Good noon-time, slugger," Emmett's voice interrupted Bella's staring contest with Jasper's retreating figure. There was something so primal and sexy about watching a man interact with a child.

Shaking that thought off, Bella turned back to Jasper's best friend. "Slugger?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, you sure threw a curve ball at our friend," he nodded in the direction Jasper had disappeared, smiling and pulling her into a side hug.

Suddenly Bella was sick with nervousness again. What had Jasper told Emmett? "I don't know what you're talking about. Besides, if I was throwing balls at him, wouldn't I be a pitcher?"

Emmett's face screwed up just like Tanya's had a few minutes previous. He looked almost as adorable, truth be told. "Ah, baseball wasn't ever my game anyway. I'm more of a hockey kind of guy."

Jasper chose that moment to reappear on his lawn, heading over to them with his eyes cast downward. He sighed heavily and then looked up at her. The sadness she saw made the dense blue-grey of his eyes seem cloudy, like a storm was brewing in his head. She took an involuntary step toward him, itching in her skin to comfort him, but stopped when she realized she could only make it worse.

"I um," he began, obviously searching for words, "I need a little time for myself. Emmett will help you today, if that's alright."

Bella's eyes darted between the two men, wanting Jasper to stay but having no good reason for him to do so. "Yeah, that's fine." She offered a weak smile, trying to alleviate the tension that had once again settled over the three of them. "Emmett doesn't scare me. Looks aren't everything, after all."

The brawny man chuffed, pretending to look indignant. Jasper did manage to smile, and when he looked up at her from under his lashes, his eyes were momentarily lighter. He looked at her for one, two full seconds before his lips tightened into a tight, thin line. Something volatile sparked for a split second before he turned away.

"I'll be back," he said curtly, walking away from them. He was in his car and speeding away before either of them could say anything.

Emmett sighed, and then turned to Bella. "The man has a remarkable calmness about him, but he is prone to somewhat epic fits of temper," he excused.

"Believe me, I've been exposed to his epic fits of temper," she said dryly.

"That's right," Emmett nodded, offering her a grin. "You know, I've seen him face off the most obnoxious drunks and not raise so much as an eyebrow at their bullshit, but you..." he trailed off, barking out a laugh. "You rile him up so quickly, he's got you in a jail cell in minutes. Now that's talent."

They turned to go into the house. "I had a little help with that one," Bella mumbled.

At that, Emmett turned more serious than Bella had seen him. "That's true." He looked at her as he held the door open. "He told me everything, you know."

"Everything?" she asked, mortified when her voice squeaked a little at the end.

"Like I said, you've thrown him for a loop."

"Actually, you said I threw him a curve ball - which is probably more accurate. Hence the throwing me in a jail cell incident," Bella said, unconsciously chewing on her thumbnail.

Emmett shook his head slowly. "Since I apparently suck at metaphor -"

"Analogy."

"Lumberjack, not English professor," Emmett said, exasperatingly pointing both his thumbs at himself. "Are you always this much of a pain in the ass?"

"Only when I'm defensive," Bella shot back.

He blinked at her, looking dumbfounded, before his face broke out into a grin. "It's no wonder he's got it so bad for you."

"What are you talking about?" Bella asked

"I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but I'm a little out of my depth here," Emmett said, folding his arms across his chest. "When I got over here, he was uh... in a bit of a state. What would you call it. In a tizzy?"

"Maybe if you were an old biddy from the 1900's you would say tizzy." Bella's eyes felt as tight as her chest, wondering what Jasper was upset about.

Emmett's lips turned up in a slight smile. "He was a little fucked up. Better?" She nodded dully, and Emmett continued. "I didn't catch a lot of what he said at first - he was kind of pacing and ranting - but I did hear your name in there. And then... like I said, he told me everything."

Bella bit her lip. "He told you he … liked me."

"No," Emmett admitted, grinning at her again. "But I kind of got the idea when he got that fucking ridiculous smile on his face talking about you." He pointed to himself again. "Lumberjack, not idiot."

For a few small moments, Bella couldn't help but smile. Though the way he'd kissed her the night before told her plenty about the way he felt, some latent school girl in her was giddy at the prospect that Jasper liked her enough that it showed to those who knew him best. She felt her face grow hot.

But then she remembered the reality of the situation. He shouldn't like her. Or at the very least, she shouldn't like him. Not like that.

"Come on, kid," Emmett said, tugging on her arm. "Let's get this done."

~0~

Their search that day was a little more fruitful. Emmett came across a handful of letters and cheesy greeting cards where James had scribbled apologies and endearments, unfortunately signing only his initials: JH.

The first time Bella had been at Jasper's house, she'd asked what happened to James. Today, Emmett had given her the print out that Jasper had given him. Skimming it, Bella saw that James Hunter had been arrested a year before and was currently serving time for domestic violence against his girlfriend Victoria Damon.

Bella shuddered at how easily it could have been Alice.

"This is definitely a start," Bella said, feeling cautiously optimistic.

The rest of the day was frustratingly lacking in any sort of evidence. Bella wanted something more than letters. Worst case scenario, Alice could accuse Jasper of writing them himself and concocting the story around James Hunter - a man arrested in Oregon. Bella wanted to take away all doubt, if possible.

It was a good thing that Emmett was so easy to talk to. Bella chuckled to herself more than once thinking about how Edward and Alice would have been in Emmett's shoes. Besides looking funny when they walked, both of her best friends would have been trying to coax her feelings about Jasper out in the open. Emmett either didn't care if she liked Jasper back or it just didn't occur to him to ask.

Before they knew it, afternoon had seamlessly transitioned into early evening. "No kidding. Angela Weber is Officer Cheney?" Bella said, feeling stupid for not thinking that some of Alice's high school friends might be married by now.

Emmett was about to answer when the sound of the front door opening and slamming into the wall startled them both. They looked at each other with concern in their eyes before they scrambled to their feet.

Before they even got down the hallway, the door was slammed shut with equal force to the way it was thrown open. Emmett and Bella picked up the pace, easily finding Jasper in the kitchen. He was rooting through cabinets - wood crashing against wood as he opened and closed them, obviously not finding what he was looking for and not pleased about it.

"What are you doing?" Emmett asked, looking about as flabbergasted as Bella felt.

Jasper looked toward them, his glare livid. "I need a fucking drink," he snarled. "There is no alcohol in this g'damned house!"

Emmett blinked. "That's because you don't really drink, man!"

For two tense moments Jasper was absolutely still, his eyes closed like he was trying to calm down. Then, he exploded. "G'dammit!" he roared, rearing back and slamming his fist into the wooden cabinet door. It broke easily under the force of his blow, sending chips and splinters of wood everywhere.

Though her heart was racing with fear, worry for Jasper overpowered Bella, and she took a step forward before Emmett's arm stopped her. He pushed her back slightly, and went to Jasper's side in her stead. "Dude!" he cried, catching Jasper's arm before he could punch the kitchen again.

Jasper shrugged his friend off with a half-hearted, "Get off me," and stalked out of the kitchen to the living room. Bella and Emmett followed him, watching helplessly as he sat heavily on the couch. He tried to put his hands in his hair but hissed with pain when he realized his right hand was bloody. The look of disgust he gave his broken skin would have been comical in a different situation.

Walking slowly, Bella made her way to where Jasper was sitting. It wasn't that she was afraid of him - no part of her actually believed that he would ever hurt her - she simply didn't know if her presence would make it worse for him. He didn't even look up as she approached and sat gingerly on the couch beside him.

"Are you okay?" Bella asked softly, knowing the answer was no but hoping that it would prompt him to talk.

Jasper chuffed. "I'm fine," he said, barely opening his mouth. Then he took a sharp breath through his nose as his features tensed. He reached out and grabbed up a glass with a move so quick that Bella jumped a little. He hurled it at the wall, the cacophonous shattering noise perfectly accompanying the fury that undulated in the air around him. "No. You know what? I'm not fine. I'm sick of pretending I'm fine."

He stood and began pacing frantically, rage coloring his skin and making his footfalls harder against the carpeted floor. "I tried to be a good husband. I tried so hard to be understanding about everything Alice was going through. I tried to be a good son. All I've ever done is try to do the right thing, and I have never asked for a damn thing for myself."

Though she ached to go to him and quiet his agitation, Bella forced herself to remain still on the couch, warning Emmett back with one hand. She thought she knew what was going on here. All these years, Jasper had spoken to no one about the completely shitty and unfair hand he'd been dealt. He hadn't let himself feel the self-pity that was perfectly warranted under the circumstances. He needed to let some of that bottled emotion out, and if she approached him now, it was likely he would calm himself, shutting everything back up inside again.

"I fucking... I fucking..." Jasper struggled with his words, violently slapping at a chess board that was set up on an end table. Pieces went flying everywhere, and Bella tried not to flinch. "I... I want to hate her so much. She blames me for everything that asshole did, when I never hurt her. I told her so many times he was bad for her.  _He_  hurt her. I didn't do anything. I never hurt anyone. But she's the one who got to move on. She's the one that gets the fairytale that I always wanted for her. And what do I get?"

He stopped his pacing then, his shoulders slumping as he stared up at the ceiling. When he spoke again, his voice was heartbreakingly tired and raw. "But now... here's this incredible girl... and for the first time in so fucking long I can't even remember, I want something. Hell... I want the possibility of something."

Then Bella did go to him, unable to keep herself still any longer. Unhesitatingly, she put her arms around him, sliding her hands up his back to the hair at his neck. At first he stood entirely still, not moving his hands from his sides. Then he crumpled in on himself, like a puppet whose master had let go of its strings. He wrapped his arms around her waist, lying his head on her shoulder and letting her comfort him.

"I'm going to go get some dinner," Emmett said awkwardly. Bella opened her eyes long enough to nod at him.

Eventually, Jasper let Bella pull him to the couch. Minutes ticked away and they just sat in silence, clinging to each other. Bella ran her hands up and down his back and through his hair. "It's not fair," he mumbled into her neck.

"It really isn't," Bella agreed.

He lifted his head, but his eyes were closed. His lips were parted slightly as he tried to breathe steadily. "I'm so fucked up. I didn't even realize how fucked up I was."

She cupped his face, wiping away a tear that fell from his closed eyelids with the back of her hand. "There's nothing wrong with you."

His eyes opened slowly, and he looked so lost. "Yes there is," he said quietly, and then laughed without humor. "I don't know how to think about wanting something else." He put his hands over hers, winding their fingers together tightly as he brought them down. He kissed her fingertips and looked at her again. "And apparently, I always want exactly what I can't have."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oh, mai gosh. So, it turns out that josieswan is alive after all. And she did me such a favor by beta'ing this after a marathon of judging for a contest. I flove her.
> 
> Sooooo….


	8. Nowhere To Go But On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedication: Seriously? Have you not gotten it by now? This is all about Melly. And my flove for her. Yet she insists on sleeping with her boyfriend instead of me. What's a girl got to do!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.

" _ **My care, my coat**_

_**Leave on a high note** _

_**There's nowhere to go but on** _

_**Heart on my sleeve** _

_**Not where it should be** _

_**The song's out of key again,"** _

_**~ My Moon, My Man, Fiest** _

Bella couldn't think of any way to ease Jasper's struggles, so she turned to what she could do. She brought their joined hands to eye level, examining the self-inflicted wounds across his knuckles. It wasn't so horrible - just one deep scratch and many smaller ones.

"Do you have peroxide?" she asked softly. She looked him in the eye as she spoke, hoping he could see what she couldn't say out loud. She felt the same way and hated that she was causing Jasper more pain.

Jasper grimaced, looking for a moment like a little boy who would run away when his parents tried to give him cough syrup. "It's fine. I've had a lot worse."

She lifted his injured hand, showing him. "You have splinters in it."

He sighed. "Under the sink," he said reluctantly.

She retrieved the bottle, noting that it had never been opened. Of course it hadn't - it was more manly to let wounds get infected. Bella shook her head, bringing the bottle out to the living room along with a small washcloth.

Jasper was resting with his head against the back of the sofa, his eyes closed. He opened only one to watch her as she rustled through her purse. His deep chuckle when she pulled out a pair of tweezers surprised her.

"What?" she asked, carefully putting her hand under his injured one and pulling it toward her.

"Just seems like such a girly thing to have tweezers. You don't even wear make-up." His fingertips brushed the skin of her cheek tenderly. Suddenly shy, Bella looked up, finding his eyes soft as he looked at her. "Not that you need it."

She concentrated again, trying to bite back the pleased, small smile that threatened to emerge. Instead, she focused on a particularly stubborn splinter out. "It's Edward's influence. If I take these kits out of my purse, he just puts another one back in. He says you never know when you're going to need a good tweeze. Between you and me, though, his eyebrows get out of control. I think he just makes me carry it so he can steal them when he needs them."

He laughed again, and the sound was more genuine than it had been a moment before. Then he sighed, wiping his free hand across his eyes. "I'm sorry about all that," he gestured vaguely at the kitchen. "I shouldn't have done that."

"Don't apologize."

"No, I need to apologize. That was unnecessary. I shouldn't have scared y-"

"Jasper," she interrupted, dropping his hand and looking him in the eye. "I know you feel that Alice is the only one who went through a traumatic experience, and it's true, she did. But so did you. You've carried that with you for too long. You have to be able to vent it somehow." She picked up his hand again, squeezing it lightly. "Although, it would be better if you didn't hurt yourself."

Save for hissing at the sting of the peroxide on his wounds, Jasper was quiet as she finished tending his hand. He caught her hand with his before she could pull away. "Do you really think what I went through is traumatic? I mean - nothing happened to me."

Bella chuffed, shaking her head incredulously. "Watching a friend go through a lifetime of hurt while you're helpless to stop it is a hard thing to go through - especially when you're just a kid. But you lost your son, for all intents and purposes, and then you lost your wife. If..." Bella steeled herself, closing her eyes briefly so she could get through the words, "If Alice had died with her parents and William, you would have grieved, but you would have been able to gain closure eventually. The girl Alice was - the girl who loved you - didn't survive the accident. I know you know that now."

He nodded - a short jerk of his head, and swallowed thickly, obviously trying to keep his emotions in check.

"All of that, and having to shoulder blame that didn't belong to you, is traumatic. It affects you. You need to - and deserve to - acknowledge that," she concluded firmly.

She knew she should have resisted when he tugged lightly on her hand. Instead, she let Jasper pull her tight against him. He needed a hug. Surely there was no harm in providing him the comfort he'd been denied for so long. She molded herself to his side, lying her head on his shoulder, and wrapped one arm around him, letting their joined hands rest on his lap. He let out a slow, deep breath, resting his head lightly on hers.

They flew apart guiltily when the front door opened.

Emmett was standing in the doorway. He stopped short for a moment, seeming to realize belatedly that he'd interrupted something and offered Jasper a dimpled grin. "Sorry."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "I thought you went home to eat."

"I said I was going to get some dinner." He lifted one bag he was holding for them to expect. It seemed to be filled with footlong sandwiches. "Dinner!" He jostled the paper bag he held in his other arm so that they could hear the clank of bottles clacking against each other. "The uh, 'fucking alcohol' you were looking for earlier."

"Emmett, you didn't have to-"

"Shut up," Emmett interrupted good naturedly. He closed the front door with his foot and headed toward the table. "You sir, are abusing alcohol tonight. Don't worry, you're already at home so unless you're the type of drunk that likes to pee in the neighbor's bushes, you won't have any of your cop-buddies hauling your ass to the station to sober up."

"That's you, not me," he reminded, pursing his lips in amusement. "Don't you have a pregnant wife to get home to? Is it really wise to leave her home alone right now?"

"First of all, you know as well as I do that Rose is a tough cookie. She can take care of herself...however, I did manage to convince her friend Vera to invite her to stay the night. See, Mr. Vera is out of town, and she has suddenly become very afraid to sleep in the house alone," Emmett chuckled at his own cleverness. "Worst case scenario, you call your cop-buddies to escort my drunk self to the hospital."

"Your wife would be angry if you had to show up to the hospital drunk," Bella pointed out, smiling anyway.

Emmett shrugged. "What's the worst that could happen - she cuts me off from sex? If we have to go to the hospital now, the kid is likely being born, and that means no sex for me anyway. But let's not tempt fate because the kid still has a little while to bake. Don't want my boy to be all gooey in the middle."

"That's...disturbing," Jasper said, wrinkling his nose as he hauled himself upright. He started poking through the bags Emmett had brought.

While the boys were going over the alcoholic beverages and calling dibs on the sandwiches, Bella set about retrieving various sizes of glasses. She was distracted from her task when Jasper outright chortled.

"Emmett, what the hell is this?" he asked. Bella peeked out of the kitchen and was perplexed to find Jasper brandishing a tube of cookie dough.

"I don't know," Emmett shrugged. "Whenever Rose gets all emo, she eats some of that. It's supposed to help."

Bella snickered both at Emmett's logic and the vaguely horrified expression on Jasper's face.

"I'm not..." Jasper trailed off, looking at the cookie dough with curiosity. "Fuck it," he muttered, recklessly tearing the cellophane wrapping away from the dough. He broke off a bit and stuck it in his mouth.

"Well?" Bella asked after a few moments. "Feel better?"

"I'm having flashbacks of licking cookie dough off the mixer when my mom made cookies," Jasper said, breaking off another piece.

"Gimmie a piece," Bella requested, holding out her hand. "Please," she added as an afterthought.

Jasper's eyebrows bunched and turned down at the middle as he held the tube away from her. "No. It's mine."

Rolling her eyes, Bella stepped toward him, but he scampered back. "You can't eat the whole thing by yourself," she said with mock exasperation.

Defiant, Jasper broke off a chunk of dough that was the opposite of dainty and shoved it in his mouth.

"So classy," Bella mocked, stepping toward him.

Again, Jasper stepped back, his eyes teasing her as he held the dough behind his back. Unfortunately for him, he'd completely forgotten Emmett was there. The other man plucked the dough out of Jasper's hand and ran.

"Give it!" Jasper demanded, running after him.

A predictable case of keep away ensued. It ended when, after finally gaining the upper hand, Bella nearly took a dive into Jasper's glass-top coffee table. It was only luck that Jasper had been reaching for her anyway, and he was able to grab her around the waist, keeping her upright against his body. Automatically her free hand went up, palm flat against his chest to steady herself.

The night before she'd felt the gold wedding rings he wore on a chain. Tonight she felt nothing under his shirt. Stunned by that revelation and still recovering from her almost-fall, Bella didn't move out of his arms quickly, but he didn't let her go either.

"Careful, B," Emmett said, apparently oblivious to the sudden tension in the room. He grabbed the dough from Bella's hand and plopped down on the sofa, taking a huge bite.

Jasper's hold on her loosened, and he stepped back, his hands sliding along her hips, lingering under the guise of making sure she was steady.

"Um," Bella said, trying to shake the sudden haze from her mind. Her cheeks felt flushed, and she needed distance from Jasper. "I should bake those."

"Bake them?" Emmett asked. "Tastes just fine like this."

"It'll be easier to share," she insisted, snatching what was left of the tube from Emmett's hands. Without waiting to see if they were staring at her, Bella all but ran from the room. Safe in the kitchen, she leaned against the counter, trying to calm herself. His arms around her had felt so right it made her dizzy. She laughed at herself then, the sound bitter to her ears.

She wanted to go back out to the living room with her fingers covered in cookie dough. She wanted to lick and suck her fingers clean while he watched, imagining the way his eyes would get dark, and his tongue would dart out, licking his lips hungrily. She imagined that he would wrap his fingers around her wrist, keeping her still before she could lick all the dough away. He would lean forward slowly, his eyes holding hers until she forgot to breathe. His lips would close around her finger, enveloping her in moist heat, and she would feel his tongue swirl over her skin.

And then, when he released her finger with a wet pop, his lips would find hers. He would taste sweet and wonderful.

Bella shook her head hard, rubbing her neck as she tried to drive the images away. She busied herself finding a cookie sheet, trying to keep her mind blank as she tore off chunks of cookie dough into cookie sized pieces.

When she got back to the living room she felt a lot more centered. Jasper offered her a beer and a small, sad smile.

Despite the melancholy moment, the rest of the evening went well. One of the subs Emmett brought was meatball, causing both of the boys to revert back to twelve year olds as they razzed each other about which of them preferred eating balls. Bella solved their dilemma by taking the sub for herself, winking at their gaped mouth expressions. "I like her," Emmett said to Jasper.

Several hours and a few shots of whiskey later and their eyes started to droop. It was past midnight at that point. They were all a little tipsy but no where near obnoxiously drunk.

Except for Emmett, but he was obnoxious with or without alcohol.

They started to argue about sleeping arrangements as neither Bella nor Emmett were in any shape to drive. Jasper only had the one room.

Emmett wasn't tactful to begin with, but the alcohol had loosed his tongue and his brain cells even more than usual. He grumbled, scratching his stomach sleepily. "Maybe you can actually turn that spare room into a decent guest room now-" He caught himself then, his mouth snapping shut with an audible clack, but the damage was already done.

The silence was uncomfortable. Emmett opened his mouth to say something, but before he could make it worse Bella grabbed Jasper's hand, tugging lightly. "Show me your room?"

Bella meant to put Jasper to bed -he was a little unsteady on his feet- but he would have none of that. "You're taking the bed," he insisted.

"I'm not going to take your bed," she argued, exasperated. "Where are you going to sleep? Emmett's passed out all over your couch."

"I've fallen asleep in the Lazy-Boy many times. It'll be fine for one night."

Jasper's bedroom, like most of the rest of the rooms in the house, was spartan and neat. There was a bowl full of coins on the dresser and books on the nightstand.

Bella hadn't noticed she was still holding Jasper's hand until he let go. He didn't step away though, and they both lingered in the doorway. "You can use one of my shirts to sleep in, if it'd be more comfortable," he murmured.

He started to mutter something about changing the sheets when Bella shushed him. "We should sleep," she said quietly. Part of her, still feeling bad that she was kicking him out of his bed, wanted to tell him that they were adults - they could share it. But, left alone in the quiet of the house, the atmosphere between them was intensifying again.

It was that somewhat awkward, heated feeling. Would he or wouldn't he? They were still standing close together in the doorway, Jasper slightly behind Bella, facing away from each other. She turned slightly, and as her eyes met his, she could see the uncertainty written there. And the want.

He wanted to kiss her, she could tell. Her body screamed for him, an itch beneath her skin that compelled her to just give in. Fighting the urge to touch him and kiss him was exhausting. How many times that evening had she wanted to reach for him? Just catch his hand when he was flicking Cheese Puffs at Emmett, or ruffle his hair because she could. A hundred tiny, affectionate gestures had raced through her mind that night, and she'd fought them all.

But now, standing in the doorway of his bedroom with him so close, Bella knew her control was close to snapping. If he kissed her, she wouldn't be able to resist. She would grab him by the shirt and pull him into his room and down on the bed with her.

Would he or wouldn't he?

Jasper swayed and closed his eyes, breathing out through his nose. When his eyes opened again the uncertainty had been replaced with regret. He raised his hand, stroking her cheek with the back of it and smiled softly. "Good night," he said quietly. He turned away then, shutting the door behind him with a click.

Disappointment was a hard pill to swallow, and Bella's eyes teared automatically as she stared at the closed door. Irritated at the overwhelming emotion, she swiped angrily at her eyes, forcing herself to breathe through the ache in the center of her chest. She distracted herself by rummaging through the dresser he'd indicated, finding a t-shirt of his that looked comfortable enough to sleep in. In the master bathroom she found toothpaste, using her finger to brush her teeth and mouthwash to finish the job. Then she was out of things to do before bed.

She was restless. Too restless to sleep. She tried to thumb through a couple of the books on Jasper's dresser, but nothing held her interest. Everything inside her coiled tight in expectation. All she could think about was flying out of the room. She wanted to go find him, and pull him back with her to the bedroom.

She wondered if he was thinking about the same thing.

Bella made herself turn off the light and tried to settle.

Usually, alcohol made her sleepy. That night it only made her impossibly hot. It had the effect of enhancing the scent of Jasper that lingered on his pillows - on his sheets. Instead of spinning, the room seemed to sway - like a palm tree in a balmy, thick, Florida summer breeze. Bella threw the blankets off of her to escape both the oppressive heat and the gentle sway that seemed to beckon her body to action.

Entirely too fidgety, she sat up, flinging her legs over the side of the bed so she could sit on the edge. She rolled her head back and forth, trying to clear it of the images and desires that were all she could think of. Needing to feel the coolness of the room on the back of her neck, Bella swept all her hair up, piling it on top of her head and pinning it there with one hand.

The door, when it opened just then, was almost silent, but even if she hadn't heard it, Bella would have known exactly who was standing there. She wasn't even surprised, though her heart began to race. He didn't move from the door though. Bella released her hold on her hair, letting it fall down her back again.

He was waiting for her to decide.

Would she or wouldn't she?

Bella breathed deep, trying to remember that there were logical reasons this shouldn't happen. But logic and reason felt far away. She was standing before she consciously realized it.

The need inside of her was building; she'd never wanted something as badly as she wanted this. Her willpower had never been tested in this way. She turned.

And when she saw him in the doorway, dressed only in boxers and wife beater, she knew she'd lost the battle. Her body felt full of kinetic energy dying to be spent. The pull was all but irresistible.

So she stopped resisting.

Bella was across the room and in his arms in the next second. She hurled into him with such a force that she heard an 'oof' of surprise before she'd swallowed it with her lips. His arms went around her, his hands everywhere - as if he couldn't decide how he wanted to hold her. As their mouths moved on each other, hungry and hard, his fingers traced her spine all the way down to her ass. He moved both of his hands to cup her ass right where his shirt ended. His fingers brushed the backs of her thighs.

Wordlessly, Bella tugged on his shirt and Jasper obediently walked forward into the room, never letting her go. He closed the door behind him, managing just enough control to keep it from slamming.

Bella gasped wildly, when his hands worked up the front of her body, palming her breasts. She pulled on his tank again, almost roughly. Her head tilted slightly, even as she walked backward, so that he could nip the side of her neck lightly with his teeth.

It took them only seconds to get to the bed. Jasper pushed her down into a sitting position. She cupped him then, through his boxers and he moaned, steadying himself by putting a hand on her shoulder. "Jesus," he panted as she moved her palm over him.

Bella wasn't looking for gentle or slow. She wanted - needed - to sate this hunger for him, this want for him to be beneath her skin that felt like it might be essential to her existence at that moment. Most of all, she wanted to feel everything, because if she thought about what she was doing it might burst this bubble of complete pleasure.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew their frantic pace was because they only had that night. Where most couples could afford to take all the time in the world, their time was limited.

He tugged on her shirt, growling a single, "Off," in command. She released him long enough to comply. "You're beautiful," he said.

She blushed, which seemed like a ridiculous reaction given that her hands were tugging his boxers down as she did it. As she stroked his length in her hands, she suddenly remembered Edward's joke.  _Big Daddy._

Well, he was right about that.

Jasper took his own top off, looking down on her with hooded eyes. She scooted to the middle of the bed, bringing him down with her. Her hands, when he was hovering over her, trailed over the lines of his chest.

Holding himself up on one arm, Jasper used his free hand to tug her panties down. Eager, she helped him get them off. His hand was on her then, first stroking one thumb along her slit, then carefully sliding two fingers into her. When he found she was ready for him, already wet from her restless fantasies earlier, he cursed under his breath in appreciation.

They stilled then, for just a moment as Jasper's eyes became impossibly tender. "Bella," he said her name on a breath. It was a question and a plea all at once. She knew what he was asking. Was she sure? Was she thinking clearly - not too drunk that she would regret this in the morning light?

In answer, she wrapped her arms around his neck, threading her fingers into his hair and pulling him down to her. Obviously, she was not thinking clearly, though that had little to do with the alcohol she'd consumed earlier that evening. However, she was more sure she wanted this than she'd been of anything before in her life, and while the small part of her she'd muzzled and locked away knew that she might regret the consequences, she would never regret whatever time they had together.

He put more of his weight on her then, his body pressing against hers. This was exactly what she wanted. Skin to skin, he surrounded her from the outside, his tongue stroking hers as he kissed her hard and deep. His cock slid along her entrance, teasing her, and she moaned, bucking her hips up against him. He smiled against her lips. In retaliation, Bella sucked his bottom lip between her teeth and bit lightly.

When he finally, finally was inside of her, Bella finally felt calmer. Whatever desperation had come over her quieted. As they moved together, their lips rarely parted. When they did the only thing they whispered were each others names - their voices thready with exertion and the emotion that welled in them. Though greatly pleasurable, the atmosphere around them was heady with a bitter-sweetness.

As their rhythm quickened, Jasper leaned his forehead against hers, reaching between them to find her clit. He circled her with two fingers, his breath hot and ragged against her face. She moaned and whimpered, shifting up to meet him with each of his thrusts.

When she looked in his eyes then, her breath left her body. There was an intensity in them that she hadn't ever experienced before. It was soft and fiery all at once, making her heart ache with the tenderness she felt in response and making her blood boil in her veins. Suddenly, though he was pressing against her and into her, he wasn't close enough. She arced her body against his, claiming his lips again as she let that emotion completely take her.

She came hard, with a wordless wail he silenced with his mouth. With one, two, three more thrusts, he followed after her.

Jasper managed to roll to his side, taking her with him, before he collapsed on her completely. They were both breathless, stealing tiny kisses as they came down. Bella stroked the sweaty hair at the back of his neck, and his hands strummed along her back lazily.

Neither of them spoke. There was nothing to say. Their little kisses got fewer as their eyes drooped. Bella knew he was on the same page she was. She was exhausted and content like a cat in a sunbeam to stay in his arms forever, but the sooner they slept, the sooner it would be morning. In the morning they would have to remember the reality they faced outside this room.

Bella dozed lightly, waking easily. She blinked awake at some point during the night, watching Jasper's naked ass when he disappeared into the bathroom and felt incomplete without his body against hers. But he came back quickly and drew her back into his arms, stroking her hair as she fell back asleep against his chest.

When she woke again the room was dully lit, the first rays of morning making everything a washed out grey. She wanted to ignore the need to pee, but she couldn't delay any longer. Carefully, she extracted herself from Jasper's arms and tip toed into the bathroom.

When she came back, Jasper appeared to be asleep, but as soon as she got close enough to the bed, he reached out, pulling her to him so her back was against his chest. She snuggled back against him, shivering with pleasure when he stroked the hair off her shoulders so he could kiss the side of her jaw.

"I signed the papers yesterday," Jasper announced, breaking the silence by dropping a bomb.

"What?" Bella exclaimed, startled. She tried to roll over to face him but he held her fast. She stilled in his arms, figuring that whatever he had to say, it was easier to say without looking at her.

He didn't speak right away, and she felt his deep, forced even breaths filter through her hair, warming the top of her head. His hand found hers, and he began playing with her fingers. "When I went home after kissing you the first time, at first, I couldn't stop beating myself up. But then, the more I thought about it, the more I realized I wasn't sorry." His voice was low – almost monotone as he spoke.

"And then I was just… so angry. I didn't want to have to feel bad about something that was…" he struggled, and a thousand adjectives ran through Bella's mind. "I was happy. For just a few seconds I was so happy."

Bella sniffled, realizing belatedly that she was teary. "I was too," she whispered quietly, using their joined hands to pull him closer around her. She felt dangerously close to falling apart. Morning had brought with it reality. No matter how right they felt together, the reality was that they couldn't be – not this way.

"I tried to sleep, but I couldn't. It all felt so unjust. By the time morning rolled around, and Emmett knocked on my door… I don't know. I was worked up. It was just… everything hitting me all at once. I never really let myself  _feel_ anything about Alice. Not about how horrible it felt that she ran away from me. Not about how it drove me crazy – that she saw me instead of James in her memories. I  _hate_ James," he growled.

"I know," she soothed, squeezing his hand tightly.

Jasper breathed in deeply again, calming himself. "So I told Emmett everything. Everything. I'd never told anyone everything because I didn't want them to think poorly of Alice… but then I remembered how it felt when you cowered away from me like you thought I was going to hit you, and I remembered the disgusted look in Edward's eyes when we met." He chuffed. "She obviously didn't grant me the same courtesy. I know it isn't her fault, but I wanted to hate Alice so badly right then. So I told Emmett all of our secrets. It helped a little. But I was still really worked up, so I asked him to stay with you so I could try to calm down."

He paused then, and Bella both heard him swallow several times, and felt the movement of his throat against her hair. His heart was pounding hard, and she felt the thump, thump, thump against her back. When he spoke again, Jasper's voice was raw-filled with a pain that matched the ache building in the center of Bella's chest. "I thought I'd calmed down. I drove around all day, trying to make myself understand that Alice might never believe it wasn't me who hurt her. It was probably the opposite of helpful that I refused to divorce her until she listened. I know it's the right thing, for me too, and I signed the papers.

"And then I realized that it didn't mean I could have… you. There was always a little bit of hope that one day Alice would listen to me. But you and I…" he trailed off. He didn't need to finish.

Bella understood. Though her mind desperately sought some solution, she could find none. She heard herself gasp out a small sob, realizing belatedly that she was trembling. She turned in his arms then, and he let her. Their mouths came together instantly. He cradled her face in his hands, stroking her tears away with the pads of his thumbs as they kissed over and over. They were desperate, hungry kisses that were a poor attempt of communicating all the things they would never get the chance to say to each other.

When Jasper's wandering hands reached between them, guiding his cock to her entrance, Bella didn't protest. After all, they were already damned. Her heart was already going to shatter spectacularly. Because she knew, when they left the safety and quiet of this bed, they were over before they began.

They had to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Ummmm so before I go hide under the bed... I've been remiss at not thanking Barburella for pre-reading. A little feedback as you write goes such a long way. Plus she catches mistakes the stupid gdocs neglects. Heh. And thank you to josieswan for betaing. I'm so glad she's feeling betterish.
> 
> Hi new readers! I try to be good at review replies. Lately I have failed. But I read every one and they all make me smile.


	9. Goodbye Means Nothing At All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Um. Long story short - I'm not updating again until early January. You MIGHT want to delay reading this. There IS angst.
> 
> Disclaimer: These characters belong to SM. Not I.

" _ **Beauty queen of only eighteen**_

_**She had some trouble with herself** _

_**He was always there to help her** _

_**She always belonged to someone else,"** _

_**~She Will Be Loved, Maroon 5** _

Bella was physically and mentally exhausted. It was barely noon and already she felt like going back to bed.

It was no mystery whose bed she wanted to return to.

She and Jasper had stayed wrapped in each others arms for as long as they possibly could - ignoring hunger and the rest of the world. When they finally had to get up - Jasper had already called and asked Officer Newton to swap shifts so he could get the late shift - Bella had tried to find a reason to see him again. She couldn't justify it to herself though - not in the harsh light of day.

After all, what good would a second night do them? They both knew they couldn't be together in the world as it existed right then. If Alice ever found out, she would be devastated. Not because she held any claim to Jasper, but that her best friend would sleep with and trust a man that she truly believed hurt her... it was a betrayal, pure and simple.

One night was bad enough, but she was only human. Her feelings for him were overwhelming and under the impossible circumstances they found themselves in, she had offered him - and herself - what little comfort she could. She couldn't regret it - knowing what it felt like to take him inside of her, what it felt like to be that close to him - but she also couldn't repeat it. It would only be prolonging the inevitable.

As she parked her car in front of the Inn, Bella tried not to remember finally putting her feet on the cold, hardwood floor. She tried not to remember how the simple act of getting up from Jasper's bed had been the hardest thing she'd ever done. She tried not to feel him surrounding her for the last time as he'd pulled her into his arms and kissed her like a soldier heading off to war - making one last memory that would get him through the long road ahead.

His touch still lingered on her skin and his taste in her mouth.

Bella tried to shake all of that away. She still had work to do. With the divorce papers signed and in her possession, her obligation to Alice was finished. Now, though, she had a new mission. Regardless of whether it led them to a place where she and Jasper could eventually be together - something Bella could not afford to let herself think about just then - she wanted to clear his name. He deserved that much.

But as she trudged up the stairs to the front door of the Inn, she felt entirely too weary. She was certain her slumped shoulders and slow pace made her look like an old, old woman, worn down by grief. Just a nap, she told herself. A nap to rid herself of the weighty tiredness, and then she would talk to Angela.

Bella was so lost in her own thoughts - or rather, trying not to think - that she almost didn't notice the couple sitting quietly in the living room. Felix was, however, an imposing figure, and his presence did sink in just before Bella reached the stairs.

At first, she thought she must be imagining things; it was the guilt that rested heavily on her shoulders come to life. She blinked her sore, tired eyes and stared again. No, they were there. "Alice?" she said, her voice timid like an uncertain child.

Alice turned and glanced significantly at Felix. He nodded slightly, kissing her forehead and studiously wandering over to the book shelves at the far end of the room. When Alice turned back to Bella, her face was unreadable.

"After I talked to you yesterday, I couldn't stop thinking about what you said. I kept on thinking that he must be here, telling you all these lies, making you believe it was my fault. He always told me it was my fault."

Bella opened her mouth, ready to protest, but Alice held out her hand, palm out in a stopping motion. "And I decided that Jasper still had entirely too much power over me - and I was the one who let that happen. So I decided I was going to face my fear... that I was going to face him once and for all. What kind of a coward lets their best friend fight their battles for them?

"I had to tell Felix everything, and I'm so lucky. So many men wouldn't have understood." Felix turned then, and smiled gently at her, and Alice smiled back. "Of course, he insisted on coming with me."

"Fighting your own battles doesn't mean you have to fight them alone," Felix said quietly.

"We went to the police station first, hoping he was on duty," Alice continued. "It was good to see Angela again. She told us that Jasper wasn't there. But then, another officer uh... Norton?"

"Newton?" Bella asked, confused as to where this was going. So far, Alice didn't look angry...but then, she hadn't looked Bella directly in the eye yet, and that was unusual.

"Yes," Alice said. "Officer Newton made some comment about how Jasper had swapped shifts with him at the last minute." Alice's breath had become slightly labored, the words more difficult to get out. "He said that Jasper was probably 'out fucking that Bella chick.'"

Bella's stomach twisted, her heart pounding fast and painfully in her chest. How. How could he know?

"Then he told us how he'd seen the two of you together at the bar a couple of nights ago. He said you were all over each other."

"That's not true," Bella blurted, furor mixing with the consuming guilt. "That didn't happen."

Alice still didn't look at her. "Angela said that Officer Newton was prone to exaggeration." She took another deep breath and let it out slowly. "She gave us this address... and the Innkeeper-"

"Esme," Bella offered.

"Esme said she didn't think you'd come in last night-"

"Alice," Bella began, pleadingly. But then she didn't know what to say.

Finally, Alice looked up. Her blank eyes suddenly widened. "Bella...have you been crying?"

"I..." Bella scrambled. She knew her eyes must be red as hell; she'd been crying off and on all morning. "Yes, but..."

"That isn't your shirt," Alice interrupted. "That's a man's shirt."

Bella's hands shot to her chest, the memory hitting her belatedly. Was it really just half an hour ago that she'd grudgingly started to pull her clothes on? She'd been staring at her grossly rumpled shirt when Jasper approached her, proffering the black button down she was currently wearing. He hadn't said a word as he helped her into it, and she'd let him button each button like she was five years old.

His breath was ragged, and as he got to the second to last button, he swallowed hard and audibly. She'd been looking down, watching his long, deft fingers work the buttons - anything to distract herself from the tightness in her throat. It took everything in her to control her tears, but she didn't want him to have to see her cry again.

But he'd crooked one finger under her chin, tilting her head up until her eyes followed. He was hurting. She could see it. He kissed her once. Twice. Tiny, soft kisses that were as light as a breath on her skin. Their last kisses.

Bella closed her eyes and shook her head, willing the memory away so she could face Alice. "It's just a shirt," she mumbled, but even to her own ears her words were thin - easy to see through.

Alice's wide-eyed expression would have been comical under different circumstances. It was possible that she hadn't believed Mike Newton's claims... but now, Alice was obviously putting the pieces together. Bella knew her hair was disheveled; she'd caught a glimpse of herself in her rear-view mirror when she got in her car, but couldn't be bothered to fix it. Her jeans were wrinkled. She was wearing a man's shirt. "Alice..." she started.

To her great surprise, Alice came forward and hugged her tightly. Then she backed away just as quickly, her eyes filled with dread. "Bella...tell me he didn't."

"Didn't what?" Bella was confused.

"He didn't...force you, did he?" Alice breathed.

Bella blinked, sure she had misunderstood. "Of course not!" she exclaimed then, the horrified look in Alice's eyes lighting a flash burn inside of her. She was suddenly so furious at her best friend she couldn't even see straight. Her vision blurred and her fists clenched.

Rationally, she knew that Alice was still operating under a misunderstanding. She still saw Jasper as the bad guy, thinking him capable of any number of atrocities. But even though it wasn't her fault she was confused, the idea that Alice thought such things about a man as kind and gentle as Jasper made Bella angrier than she knew how to deal with in that moment. "I don't even know how you could think that," she spat between clenched teeth.

Taken aback, Alice stared at Bella as if trying to comprehend. "You did sleep with him. On purpose?"

Bella chuffed. "It's not the kind of thing you do accidentally, now, is it?" she said, her voice dripping sarcasm. She turned away from Alice's accusing eyes, her hands in her hair as she tried to bottle her wildly swinging moods. Guilt. Shame. Anger. Heartbreak. They were all attacking her so fast that she felt completely out of control.

"How could you do this?" Alice's voice was just a whisper. "Why?"

She couldn't control her reaction then. She whirled back to face her friend, and she knew her eyes must have been hard because Alice literally took a step or two backward. "Why?  _Why_? Because he's been alone all this time, Alice. Because there was no one that ever knew what he was going through. He deserves to be...to be...cared for."

The hurt and shock written all over Alice's face faded and fury took its place. "Are you kidding me with this? He deserves what? You've watched me put my life back together for the last seven years after what he did to me, and he deserves what? A good fuck from someone who's supposed to be my best friend?"

Guilt tasted like a sour lump in the back of her throat, but still, Bella's anger lingered. Her voice was only slightly softer when she answered. "You don't know what you're talking about. You don't know what he's been through."

"I don't give a damn what he's been through," Alice seethed. "I've told you about almost every lie that he made me believe. You know what he's capable of, and yet you believe whatever fairytale he spun to make you feel sorry for you."

Alice laughed, the sound reeking of bitterness and anger. "When Officer Newton told me that you were with him, I was so worried about you. Ask me why, Bella."

Thrown off by the completely livid gleam in Alice's eyes, Bella complied. "Why?"

"Because the first time we had sex, I said no," Alice shouted. She gasped then, both of her hands coming up to cover her mouth like she could push the secret back inside of her. Her eyes filled with tears. Felix, silent to that point took a step forward, his eyes horrified and furious. Clearly, he hadn't known either. Alice held a hand out to him, stopping his forward motion.

When she spoke again her voice was low and hard. "I said no, and he took what he wanted anyway. Afterward, he told me it was what people in love did. He convinced me that I wanted it because I told him I loved him all the time, and I let him because I didn't want to believe that my boyfriend had raped me."

"It wasn't him," Bella blurted, completely at a loss for how to react. As Alice's best friend, Bella wanted to do what she'd always done when a piece of Alice's past came to light. She wanted to hug her and remind her that she had survived. She was a woman with such strength and beauty. But equally strong was the terrible frustration she felt that Alice didn't remember. There had to be some way to just … flip the switch.

"What are you talking about?"

"It wasn't him who did those things to you. It was a man named James Hunter," she said, the words tumbling out of her at a frantic pace. "You can ask Angela. She'll remember. Please, Alice you have to believe me, Jasper wouldn't ever have hurt you."

Alice stared at her with wide, incredulous eyes. The hurt in them was almost more than Bella could bear. Everything was spiraling out of control so quickly though, and she didn't know how to stop it. "What are you trying to tell me?" Alice asked. "That I made it all up?" She was crying.

"No! I know you didn't make it up. You don't understand." Bella raked her hands through her hair, tugging it in consternation. She started to pace slightly, just a few steps back and forth. "You're confused. You don't remember it right," she said, almost to herself.

"Why are you doing this to me?" Alice's voice was so soft and broken that Bella stopped pacing, feeling her heart tear into one more piece.

"I'm sorry, Alice. I'm so sorry. This is all coming out so wrong. You weren't supposed to find out like this."

That set her friend shouting again. "Find out what, Bella! That you came out here to help me and instead you fuck the man who I had to run away from and tell me I made it all up?"

Out of the corner of her eye, Bella saw Esme come in the room, likely drawn by all the shouting. Though part of her knew that they shouldn't be causing a scene in her Inn, she simply had no room left to think about things like polite behavior.

"No. No. He signed the papers, okay. They're out in the car. And I know. I know what I did was..." she trailed off, still unable to bring herself to call it wrong. It hadn't felt wrong. "I knew it would hurt you, and I'll understand if you..." the words were so difficult to say, "hate me. Just don't hate him. I can't let you keep believing it was him."

"You're protecting him. Why are you protecting him? Oh, God," she cried, putting her hands over her mouth again. She was obviously as close to breaking down as Bella felt. "Was he really that great in bed, Bella?."

"It's not like that," Bella said, her voice pleading. She scrambled, searching for some way to at least get the world to stop spinning so violently. Everything was getting worse by the minute. She'd never felt so completely out of control of a situation.

Of course, she should have expected that the disaster was far from over. The front door swung open and possibly the only person who could have interrupted the friends' tense stand-off spoke. "Alice?"

When she heard his voice, Bella knew what was going to happen a split second before it actually played out. Who could blame Felix for rushing at Jasper the way he did? All the larger man knew was that Jasper had hurt his fiancee. Badly. Worse than Bella had even known.

Everything happened too quickly for anyone to stop it. Felix had Jasper pinned against the wall, one of his huge hands on his chest and the other pressing down hard on his neck. Bella and Esme both screamed, crying out for Felix to let go. Jasper's hands wrapped around the other man's, but though Bella knew he must have been trained in self defense, he didn't try to stop him. It seemed both completely ludicrous and highly dangerous. Jasper was in his full uniform, his gun visible and easily accessible by both him and Felix. This situation was a breath away from getting more ugly than any of them could manage.

Felix looked over his shoulder, obviously controlling himself slightly when he saw Bella and Esme's frightened faces. His grip loosened but he didn't let Jasper go until Alice spoke. "Baby... he's not worth it. Please. Let's go. I don't want to be here anymore."

Just as Bella thought the gagging, choking noises Jasper was making would drive her insane, Felix dropped him and stepped back. Jasper instantly fell to the ground, holding himself up with one hand and resting the other at his neck. He coughed horribly, drawing in gasping breaths. Bella was on her knees at his side before she even realized she'd moved. She rested one arm on his shoulder, brushing the hair out of his eyes to assess his condition. His face was an unhealthy shade of red but his eyes met hers.

Bella looked up in time to see Felix put a protective arm around Alice, ushering her to the door. He looked back, his eyes landing on Bella with a look of disgust that made her stomach churn. "I really hope he was worth it, Bella," he all but snarled at her. Bella flinched.

They were gone then, the door slamming behind them. For a few seconds Bella closed her eyes, fighting a wave of dizziness as her head swam. Her body wanted to split right in two - half of her longing to fling herself out the door and down the stairs and just beg Alice for forgiveness. She knew Alice's furious, broken, completely hurt look would stay with her forever.

But the rest of her wanted to stay right where she was. She could tell herself it was logical: what more could she say to Alice at this point? What could possibly make it all better? But if she was being honest with herself, she knew she wasn't going to move from Jasper's side. Definitely not until she was sure he was all right.

"Bella," Jasper wheezed.

Opening her eyes, she found Jasper's face was already going back to it's normal color. There were oblong, red marks against his neck, but he seemed to be breathing relatively easily. The pressure around her heart decreased by the smallest increment. He sat with his back against the wall, pulling her with him. "I'm sorry," he said in a whisper. "Angela told me what happened at the station. I didn't want you to have to face her alone. I didn't want her to blame you when it's my fault."

"It's not your fault. He could have killed you!" Bella said, her voice trembling. She hit him lightly on the chest. "Why did you just stand there? Why didn't you fight back?"

He chuffed lightly, just holding her closer. "Wouldn't have helped my cause any. In his place, I'd have done the same." He stroked her hair, and she wanted to tell him to stop comforting her. It was her fault a man he'd never even met just tried to strangle him. She'd made the whole situation worse because she hadn't been able to keep her hands off him.

Still, she let him tilt her chin up, and she let him kiss her, kissing him back with the same small kisses they'd used to say goodbye. She heard Esme gasp, and only then remembered that the older woman was standing there.

She must have been so confused - having no prior knowledge of Jasper's past, let alone what had happened between the two of them. Esme sighed softly. "I'll make you some tea. Honey will feel good on your throat."

**~0~**

The whole drive back to Seattle, Bella felt not one solitary emotion.

There was a solid, ice cold weight in the center of her chest. With every passing second, it seemed to grow; she felt the pressure of it squeezing her chest, but none of the pain. It was as if her body had simply reached its capacity for feeling. Her mind, too, was mercifully blank. She followed the lines in the road and the directions of the traffic sign like a trained monkey might.

In the back of her mind, she knew that pain was coming. She knew that she was simply in denial, but that wouldn't last long. She had just survived what was, without a doubt, the worst day of her life. She'd said goodbye to Jasper not once, but twice. She'd watched him - a man who'd been terribly wounded already for doing the right, honorable thing - get hurt physically. She'd had to watch as her best friend realized that Bella had betrayed her. Who knew if her relationship with Alice could be repaired.

That morning, in Jasper's arms, she'd sobbed quietly, Those tears were simply her emotions coming to a head, and they were nothing compared with what was to come. When she fell apart - and she knew she would - it would be ugly and loud.

As she finally got closer to home, the pressure around her heart built. As she turned onto her street, her eyes began to burn.

_Just a few minutes more._

As she parked and shut off her engine, Bella rested her head on the steering wheel, suddenly overcome with fatigue. God, she'd never been so tired in all of her life. The idea of walking to the apartment was almost too much to bear.

Bella breathed deeply, trying to summon her strength. Finally, she got out.

Standing outside of her door, it took a moment for Bella to register that the vague voices she heard were actually inside her apartment. She paused, wondering dully if she was being robbed. It would be the absolute cherry on the pile of crap that was this day.

It was a testament to just how completely resigned Bella was that she didn't even think twice about opening her door.

Any other day, the sight that greeted her would have made her laugh. Edward was sitting on her couch with a slightly smaller, olive-skinned, attractive young man on his lap. Jake was on the the arm of the couch, glaring at Edward and twitching her tail in irritation.

"-this one is mine, and you can't have him," Edward was taunting her cat.

He and the other man - who Bella recalled was probably Benjamin - looked up as she walked in the door, and their relaxed grins instantly fell away. Benjamin stood quickly, looking between Bella and Edward.

"Bella?" Edward said quietly, standing and going to her.

Bella simply didn't have the energy left to try to be polite. "I really need you to leave," she said in a shaky voice.

"Yeah. I can see that happening," Edward scoffed softly. "What's wrong?"

Bella let out a strange, strangled laugh. "Everything." She paused, but her mind was still blank, and her mouth operated with no thought to guide her. "I slept with Jasper."

"What?"

Benjamin cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable. He crossed to Edward and took his hand, squeezing it briefly. "I'll call you later."

Edward nodded, giving Benjamin a quick, highly distracted, kiss. As soon as the other man was gone, Edward took Bella's hand, guiding her to the couch. Obediently, Bella sat. Jake hissed warningly at Edward, pissed as usual that he would touch her mistress. "Fuck off, Jake," he snarled at the cat, pushing her off the arm of the sofa. That done, he turned back to Bella. "Talk."

Completely monotone, Bella gave him a condensed version of the events that had transpired since he left Forks.

"Jesus God," Edward said, pinching the bridge of his nose as he breathed in slowly. "What an unbelievable mess. You were right. Everything is wrong."

"It's worse than that," she said in a tiny voice.

Edward cringed. "What could possibly be worse?" he asked, sounding a little incredulous.

Bella tried to breathe, but the dam inside her that was keeping her brain free of thoughts and her heart free of emotion was breaking. The pressure on her chest was almost unbearable. The weight on her shoulders was crushing. "Edward," she whispered, her voice cracking with the despair that was quickly coming over her. "I think I'm in love with him."

The truth of those words as they tumbled out of her mouth could not be denied. Edward put his arms around her, holding her tight just as she crumpled in on herself. With her hands over her eyes and her forehead resting on his chest, Bella shattered spectacularly into a million, sharp edged shards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I know, I know. It's horrible to leave you hanging, but two and a half weeks isn't so terribly long, is it?
> 
> Thanks to josieswan for betaing.
> 
> Dear Melly – Don't kill me. I love you.
> 
> I love you all, really. Have a merry holiday season. I won't wish you get what you want – because it would decrease my chances of Jackson, Rob or Kristen landing in my stocking, you understand – but I do wish you happiness. Have a safe New Year and I'll catch you on the flip side.
> 
> Review


	10. Here Waiting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I hope you all had a merry holiday season. My New Years resolution is to be good about review replies. I read them all. They make my day, and I thank you.
> 
> Disclaimer: These characters belong to SM. Not I.

" _ **Another day is going by**_

_**I'm thinking about you all the time** _

_**But you're out there** _

_**And I'm here waiting** _

_**And I wrote this letter in my head** _

_**Cuz so many things were left unsaid,"** _

_**~I'd Do Anything, Simple Plan** _

At a glance, Edward Cullen's life was approaching a stage of bliss he hadn't known before. He was falling in love with a bright, funny, passionate man whom he could talk with endlessly. One of his best friends, having overcome no small amount of anxiety and depression, was going to be married to a man who adored her and doted on her. His older brother, so long alone, had found a sweet, kind woman he was absolutely smitten with.

But what couldn't be denied was that his universe was just a little off kilter. Like in that old children's tale, he could just feel that something was not right.

When Edward left Bella's place the night that she came home from Forks, she'd given him the divorce papers to take to Alice. He'd never seen his friend so close to hysterical. Typically, Bella only cried when she was angry, but her tears that night had been entirely other. She was heartbroken for so many reasons, and Edward was helpless to fix it.

Since that day a month and a half had passed. He saw both Alice and Bella frequently but never together. Alice refused to talk to her ex-best friend, no matter how Bella had tried. There was a lot that had been said between them that the raven haired woman just couldn't forgive.

For her part, Bella was far from arguing. No one needed to make her wear a scarlet letter. She wore her guilt in the set of her shoulders, and the tired look in her eyes. It was like watching her slowly lose her bright colors.

"How can I blame her for being angry with me?" she'd said sadly, looking down at her hands - anywhere but him. "You and I were the ones she trusted when she couldn't trust anyone else. I betrayed that. It doesn't matter if it's not true - I slept with a man she believes hurt her over and over again. How long did it take us to convince her that everything he told her was a lie? And yet I believed his story over hers. That I know it was James and not Jasper is irrelevant - she believes it was Jasper." She'd scoffed and finally looked at him. "Admit it, Edward. If it wasn't me, you would be so disgusted with my choices, you wouldn't even be able to talk to me."

In all honesty, Edward had trouble wrapping his head around what Bella possibly could have been thinking. He should have guessed that when she believed Jasper's story, she would put 100% of her faith in that belief, not even entertaining the thought that he might be lying to her. He'd understood that she was smitten with the man - he was rather a romantic figure given what he claimed. But still, the leap between that and falling into bed with him - an action she had to know would devastate Alice if she found out - was one that he never would have guessed Bella was capable of making.

"I don't regret it," Bella had muttered, looking at him with huge, lost eyes. "I'm very, very sorry that Alice found out the way she did, but I'm not sorry that I did it. What kind of a person does that make me?"

"You are, after all, only human," he'd comforted her, but he hadn't understood.

Edward didn't know what to do except let time heal what wounds it could. A month and a half was all the time that had passed when he figured out that his older brother wasn't helping that cause any.

"I can't decide whether it's the sweetest thing I've ever seen or the saddest," Carlisle said, shaking his head with a small smile.

"What do you mean?" Edward pressed.

Carlisle studied his younger brother for a moment and then sighed. "Every time I go see Esme or she comes here, Jasper and Bella ask us to deliver these packages. There's never a letter in them. Just items. Books. Movies. Knick knacks. Things that remind them of one another." Carlisle laughed in his typical, gentle fashion. "Last month, when he found out that Bella was feeling particularly low, Jasper sent her a few Christopher Moore books - brand new except that he underlined his favorite passages."

Like he was sharing that humor with her, Edward realized. Like they were having a conversation without saying a single word to each other. "That's..."

"Sweet?" Carlisle supplied.

"He loves her," Edward said on a breath. He felt winded. Of course, he knew that Bella was in love with Jasper. To that point, he'd had no way of knowing just how requited that emotion was.

"He does," Carlisle confirmed, no doubt in his tone. "You only have to look at him to see it." Silence stretched on between the brothers. Edward looked troubled - deep in thought. Carlisle sighed. "You still don't believe him, do you? That it wasn't him who hurt Alice?"

Edward stood, beginning to pace with nervous energy. "It's just not that simple. I haven't dismissed the possibility, but it's not something I can believe outright. There's a reason why even the smartest, strongest of people can fall victim to an abusive personality. "

Abusers were master manipulators. They were skilled with lies.  _I won't ever do it again. I'm so sorry._ They fooled not only their victims - getting under their skin and systematically breaking down their self worth - but the people around them as well. He had witnessed first hand just how deeply traumatized Alice was.

"I am not an idiot," Carlisle said, his lips pressed into a tight line. "I have the same concerns you do. It just doesn't add up, Edward. If he was the man you think he is, wouldn't he have shot Felix when he attacked him? Or pressed charges at the very least. Jasper is in a position of power. He had every right to have Felix arrested for assaulting a police officer." Carlisle's expression softened along with his tone. "But all that aside, I owe him the benefit of the doubt."

"Because of Esme?"

"He saved her life, Edward. She worries about him a lot. It's the least I can do to ferry a few packages back and forth. It gives him a bit of happiness, and I think we all deserve that."

Edward quirked an eyebrow at his brother, one side of his mouth curling up in amusement. "And you're a hopeless romantic."

Carlisle chuckled. "If you think I'm bad, you should see Esme. But yes, I can't help but hope for a happily ever after for all involved. And I can't help my own observations. Jasper doesn't deserve to suffer any more than Alice did."

Edward didn't respond at first, thinking it over. Carlisle was right: the evidence was most certainly in Jasper's favor. Still, there were holes. If it was possible that Edward could finish the quest that Bella had started - finding physical proof that James was not only real, but the man who had hurt Alice - didn't he owe it to all involved?

"I'm coming with you to Forks," Edward said decisively.

The look on Carlisle's face was comical. He couldn't quite hide the dismay at the idea of his brother crashing his Emse time. Edward laughed. "Don't worry. I'll get a separate room. No need to share the bed."

**~0~**

Once they got to Forks, Edward left Carlisle and Esme to attend to their real estate business, "If that's what you kids are calling it these days." He borrowed his brother's car and drove to the police station.

At the police station, Edward was glad to find one officer there. Being that she was the only female on the force, he guessed that it was Officer Angela Cheney – just the person he wanted to speak to.

"You knew Alice and Jasper when you were in high school?" he asked gently after he'd introduced himself.

Angela seemed wary of him. He could tell she was the type of person that didn't like to betray confidences. "Yes. We were friends," she said carefully.

It took him all of his considerable convincing skills before Angela loosened up and began answering his questions. As it turned out, the policewoman harbored a great deal of guilt about the last time she'd seen Alice.

"I meant to go see her in the hospital, but I didn't know what to say. Then she was just... gone," Angela explained.

It was obvious that Jasper had kept silent about what had gone on between himself and his soon to be ex-wife. Angela obviously knew something had gone down a month and a half previous - she had to have seen the bruises on Jasper's neck - but she didn't seem to know the details at all.

"Of course I remember James," she said, her tone bordering on acerbic. "Alice and I would go out - you know, shopping in Port Angeles, or even just hanging out together. He would call over and over again. The more he called, the more upset Alice got. She would end up pleading with him to believe her that we weren't out doing anything, you know, unseemly." Angela looked frustrated just remembering. "And when she was staying with Jasper's family, forget it.

"He made Alice cry so much, I never understood what good she saw in James. I mean, he wasn't in school and didn't hang out with our group, so I admit I never knew him personally." She shook her head sadly. "I didn't get it. Especially when it was so obvious that Jasper-"

She cut herself off, looking up at Edward as if remembering belatedly that he was there. "Jasper obviously cared for her," he supplied softly.

Angela nodded. "Ben and I used to tell him – just tell her how you feel."

"Obviously that worked out well," a deceptively calm voice interrupted them. Both Edward and Angela looked up, startled to find Jasper in the door. "Edward," he greeted, moving passed them to get to his own desk.

Smiling reassuringly at Angela, Edward nodded at her and went after Jasper. The other man didn't look at him, instead concentrating on hanging his jacket on the back of his chair and flipping through a few papers on his desk. "I thought you'd be here quite a bit sooner. You might as well get it over with."

Edward raised an eyebrow. He sat in the chair opposite Jasper's desk. The other man's defensive tone set off his counseling mode. He studied Jasper carefully, taking note of the tense set of his shoulders and the way his normally full lips were pressed thin with irritation. "What are you talking about?" he asked mildly.

Jasper chuffed. "Why don't you tell me? I figured I'd see your face or Felix's face here eventually after what happened."

Anger radiated off the blond-haired man. "You think I have some sort of problem with you?"

The look in Jasper's eyes as he raised his head was filled with incredulity and suspicion, like he couldn't figure why Edward was messing with him. "You believe Alice, right? I'm a bully and a rapist? You probably think I took advantage of Bella, too. You want me to leave her alone." He eyed Edward for another moment before looking back at his paperwork. "Tell me I'm wrong."

"You're not a mind reader," Edward said bluntly. It was easy to keep his cool when he saw Jasper's outburst for what it was. Anger was one of the more common self defense mechanisms. It was an easy assumption to make, given the circumstances, that Edward was there to antagonize him. He imagined that it must have been outrageously painful to be accused over and over again of being a person he was not.

Keeping his eyes on his desk, Jasper took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I've discovered lately that I have uh... residual bitterness."

"That's understandable," Edward nodded.

"Look, can you quit playing the part of the shrink? I realize you are one. I already have one of those and you're not her. Whatever you're here for, just spit it out," Jasper groused, irritation getting the better of him.

"You've sought counseling?" Edward asked, surprised.

With a sigh, Jasper leaned back in his chair, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "Believe me, the phrase 'residual bitterness' is not one I would have thought of myself. I've got issues. Maybe not the ones you think I have-"

"You know, it seems counterproductive for you to put words in my mouth," Edward pointed out mildly. Jasper was silent. "Given everything you've been through, I'd say counseling is a good decision."

That got Jasper's attention. He looked at Edward curiously. "You believe me suddenly? Why?"

"Evidence has swayed the jury in your favor," Edward said casually, nodding in Angela's direction. "I can't prove your guilt beyond a reasonable doubt, so I have no choice but to return a not guilty verdict."

Jasper's mouth quirked as if he was trying to hide his grin, but he wasn't quite able to. "So, what are you here for then?"

Then it was Edward's turn to sit back in his chair, contemplating. "I have a half-cocked plan."

"Well, those are the best kind," Jasper returned.

"It might not work."

"You know what they say. It definitely won't work if you don't try it."

Edward grinned. "This is true." He let his face be serious. "But I need you to be honest with me."

Jasper returned to his method of avoidance, looking down at his paperwork again. "I haven't ever lied to you."

"Lies of omission are lies too, Jasper," Edward replied. When the other man didn't respond, he continued. "When did James come back, and what happened?"

"What makes you think he came back?"

"Just a hunch. With men like that - it's about a sense of ownership. The baby might have scared him away temporarily, but it probably wouldn't have disabused him of the idea that he owned Alice," Edward explained.

Jasper's fingers tightened noticeably around the pen in his hand. He grimaced and breathed in through his nose slowly. "He did come back. After the accident. After Alice was already gone."

"What happened?" Edward prompted.

The pen in Jasper's hand flicked back and forth as he twitched, almost nervously. "He demanded to know where she was. I told him that she was with family in Olympia. The address I gave him was a friend of mine. Peter. I met him there."

"Then what," Edward asked softly when Jasper stopped talking.

"I provoked him until he beat the shit out of me," Jasper said flatly, idly tapping a scar on his chin, and then pointing to another above his eyebrow.

"Why?" Edward was sure to keep the emotion off his face. Whatever he'd been expecting, it wasn't that.

"Peter was there to call the cops. James did time for it, because I sure as shit pressed charges." Jasper shrugged. "And a prior assault record meant he went down for even more time after the most recent domestic violence charges."

Edward blinked, trying to process all that. Then he suddenly started laughing. Jasper looked at him as if he'd grown another head. "What?"

"You've got to stop letting people beat you up, man," Edward managed between laughs.

At that Jasper couldn't help but smile. He looked sheepish. "Hey - it was just those two in what - seven years? And I'd have stopped Felix before he killed me."

"You just wanted James to be held accountable for something," Edward concluded, sobering again.

Jasper nodded. "And I wanted him behind bars - I wanted Alice completely inaccessible to him."

There was silence as Edward considered this. In the meantime, Jasper went back to filling out the report that was on his desk.

"You never told anyone that, did you?" Edward asked finally.

"Peter was the only one who ever knew - and he never had any idea why I did it. He just did like I asked and called the cops when James started punching."

"Why didn't you tell anyone? Why not at least tell Bella that?"

The only sign that Jasper had heard his question was that his pen stopped. He didn't look up, and after a moment he kept on writing. "Because she would have looked at me like I was a hero. I'm not the hero."

Edward turned this information over and over in his head. He stood, absentmindedly patting his jacket for his car keys. "Jasper?" he said softly.

With a light sigh, the blond-haired man looked up, caution easily readable in his tight, tired eyes.

"You're not the bad guy either."

Jasper looked down again, laughing without humor.

"Jasper," Edward said, waiting for the other man to look up again before continuing. "Do you love Bella?"

This time, the blond-haired man turned around completely in his chair. "When she came here - after I got to know her - it was like... suddenly realizing I was colorblind. Everything felt vibrant when she was here." He paused, and Edward knew what it took for him to admit that. "Yes. Yes, I'm in love with her."

**~0~**

Several weeks passed before Edward was finally ready to talk to Alice.

"Hey, sunshine," Alice chirped cheerfully, kissing his cheek as she let him in the door.

Felix chuckled his deep, pleasant laugh. "Bye, sunshine," he said cheerfully, sportingly kissing Edward's other cheek.

"Where are you off to? Can it wait?" Edward asked.

Both Alice and Felix stopped short, looking at Edward with drawn eyes. They looked at each other, wondering how serious it could be if he wanted Felix there. Edward and Felix got along, but Edward was Alice's friend primarily. "I could stay," the larger man allowed.

Edward guided them both to their living room, telling them to sit down. He pulled a chair over to sit in front of them. When they were all situated, Edward took out a small Dictaphone, pressing play without telling them what was on it.

The tape consisted of a conversation he'd had just the day before with James Hunter - an inmate at the Clallam Bay Corrections Center.

"Do you remember Alice Brandon?"

There was a scoff before James replied. "What about that whore?"

It went down hill from there. He berated Alice, one bad name after another slipping out of his mouth as he talked about how she slept around. How she was ungrateful. How she'd cheated on him, gotten knocked up by another man and he still would have taken her back.

Edward turned the tape off when Alice started to hyperventilate. His heart ached. He hated hurting his friend, but he knew that sometimes you had to rebreak a wound in order to fix it.

"What are you trying to do?" Felix snarled, his eyes livid as he glared at Edward. Alice was tucked underneath his arm, and he stroked her hair, tenderly shushing her and rocking her even as he tossed Edward dirty looks.

Edward ignored the larger man, getting on his knees and leaning across the table so he could talk to Alice. "Alice. Honey, listen to me. I love you. You know I love you. I couldn't love you more if you were my own sister. You know I only want what's best for you."

"You think this is what's best for me?" she demanded in a wheeze. "I don't - I don't even know who that man is. Why..."

Edward slipped a piece of paper in front of her. It was a full color photo of James - a mug shot that was taken when Jasper had filed assault charges against him. "Are you sure you don't remember him, Alice?"

Alice put her hands over her eyes. She was shaking hard, tears beginning to stream from the corner of her eyes. "I don't..." she sounded disoriented.

Closing his eyes for one brief moment, Edward continued, knowing he had to push her. "Your friend, Angela Weber - Angela Cheney now - she remembers James. She remembers him calling you incessantly when you were out. She remembers James," he emphasized the name and Alice flinched, "made you cry. Often."

" _Stop_ ," Felix demanded, slamming a hand down on the coffee table in front of Edward's face. Both Alice and Edward jumped at the sound. "I don't know what the fuck you think you're doing-"

"You have a choice," Edward said steadily, keeping his eyes on Felix though he was talking to Alice. "You can calm down, and try to listen to what I have to say, or you can continue to let him control you by making yourself irrational."

Alice sobbed loudly into her hands and Felix stood, taking a menacing step toward Edward. "Get out of here."

"No," Alice choked out. She was breathing hard, but obviously trying to calm down. She gasped for breath, furiously wiping away her tears as Felix rubbed soothing circles against her back. "No," she repeated when she had a little more control. "Let him say what he came here to say."

Her eyes, though tearful, were hard when she looked up at Edward. This was a woman who was used to being stabbed in the back by the people who were supposed to love her. This was a woman who knew she was stronger than that, and this time she would look her friend in the eye as he tried to break her.

Edward took a deep breath, knowing this could go very badly. His aim was to heal - not just Alice, but Bella and Jasper as well. There was so much wrong to set right, but it all hinged on whether or not Alice could see a truth other than the one her memories provided.

Changing a person's understanding of their own reality was as close to an impossible task as there could be.

Requesting that she listen without responding first, Edward slowly began to explain the story as he knew it. He threw in as many details as he could remember, especially the positive ones of Jasper. He hoped those details would help her establish true memories from false ones, leaving her less room to doubt the version of things Edward was presenting.

He tried to let her see it as he had seen it. Bella's trust in Jasper had come naturally, almost easily. Edward's trust was hard won - with irrefutable evidence. He traced the line of logic from Jasper's attitude, to how he saved Esme, and even Carlisle's observations - Carlisle being someone that Alice trusted. Then there was the second hand verification - people who had no reason to lie and had been questioned away from where Jasper could prompt them. Jessica Stanley had verified James' presence, and Angela had verified the behavior.

"Try to think like you were in a jury," Edward encouraged, remembering his talk with Jasper a few weeks prior. "Don't dismiss a single piece of evidence unless you are certain - concretely - that it can be disproved. If you can't disprove it beyond a shadow of a doubt, you have to consider it. Just consider it. I'm not asking you to believe right now."

"And what is the point of all this?" Alice demanded, her voice raw with emotion. She was overwhelmed and angry. It was easy to read on her face. But at least she wasn't completely shut down. "You're suddenly Jasper's BFF?" she asked bitterly. "Or is this all about Bella? I should just forgive her because I was crazy to begin with."

"I am not asking you to forgive what Bella did," Edward said with calm sincerity. "Not right now. I know better than to ask for the impossible before you're ready. Bella's timing was ill advised to say the least, and her choices were very painful for you.

"This," he gestured back and forth between them, "is not about Bella. Not really. Let me just say - and just put this at the very back of your mind because it's, honestly, the last thing you should be considering right now - Bella loves you. I know, in your heart of hearts, that you know this is true, even though you're angry right now - and you have every right to be. But everything in six years of friendship should tell you that Bella would never hurt you out of any sort of malice.

"What that tells me is that what happened between her and Jasper had to be powerful. It isn't an excuse. Just something to let percolate in the back of your head for the moment. She's sorry.

"But ultimately, what this is about is closure. You've been through hell and back. Lord knows you've earned the right to put your past behind you." He tilted his head, making sure she was really listening. She was staring at the ground, but he could see her eyes were open. "I know this feels like it's opening fresh wounds, but I think that it has the potential to let you reconcile a few issues. You should be able to go back to Forks - maybe even reconnect with friends who meant something to you in high school - or at least have the possibility open to you. If there are good memories, of Jasper and your past with him, to have, you should be able to treasure those instead of looking back on them with fear."

Alice didn't say anything. She didn't even move at first. Slow tears were falling from the corners of her eyes as if on a steady drip. Her face was emotionless. Then she put her hands over her eyes again, and Edward could see the light tremor of her fingers. "I don't know," she said in a faint whisper. "I don't know…"

She was confused. That was understandable.

Edward stood, knowing he'd done all he could. "Take your time. Think about it. Just remember that you and I have known each other for six years. You know I love you, and I would never bring something like this to you unless I was sure. No one is asking you to believe or forgive or forget. Just consider."

He walked to her, running a hand through her hair in a tender motion. She flinched but didn't pull away. "You know I'm always here for you, Alice," he said. Then he let himself out.

This was the part he hated. No matter how many patients he had, this part was always the hardest. He could give his patients all the tools they needed to help themselves, but ultimately they would have to pick them up. And, of course, Alice was not merely a patient. He knew that his actions tonight could have cost not only her friendship, but set her own recovery back instead of helping her move forward.

As he got further away from Alice and Felix's place, Edward had to remind himself that it was worth the risk. To give Alice back a piece of her past – a part that was not complete horror. To clear the name of a decent man; it didn't matter that Jasper and Edward weren't friends in any measurable way, it was the right thing to do. And for Bella and Jasper to even have a chance – however slim – at happiness, they would need their relationship to begin without guilt, and without someone else's pain hanging over them.

So, Edward had no choice but to wait – as much as it drove him crazy. He called Benjamin and spent the evening on the couch, his head on the other man's shoulder, trying to forget his fears, if only for the evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you to TwilightMundi for betaing. I really am the luckiest person. I have such amazing people around me and amazing readers (that's you!).


	11. In the End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedication: For Melly - even though she hasn't read LAST chapter yet. Tsk. Tsk.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own them, they own me...but Stephenie owns them so I guess she owns me. Thanks SM.

_**"I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart  
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard  
And got so far  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter  
I had to fall  
To lose it all  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter"** _

_**~In the End, Linkin Park** _

Jasper Whitlock's life was in shambles.

For so many years, he had simply been existing – drifting along through his days with no real sense of purpose. He was a good police officer. He was a good son, when he was called upon to be a son. He was a kind lover when he took a woman to his bed. He was steadfast friend. But what he wanted to be, for no one but himself, Jasper was completely clueless about.

While he was good at his job, it was not his choice. Jasper never would have chosen a life of police work if he hadn't had a family to support. His house was mostly blank – waiting to be filled with the tastes of a couple, not just himself. His father was dead, and his mother was far from him. He was, officially, divorced, and the only other woman he'd ever loved was inaccessible to him.

After the disaster with Alice at the Inn, Jasper felt numb for days on end. It was like waking up after being in a coma for years. He felt like a stranger in his life. His arms ached for a different woman than the one he was so used to. Slowly, his numbness wore off, leaving in its wake an unsettling discontent with his life. That discontent turned into a fury that scared him.

He was angrier than he could ever remember being. It was as if his blood had been replaced with bitter venom; he could feel it pumping into his veins, spreading poison to his limbs and pooling in the pit of his stomach. He felt the urge to destroy. Even more troubling to him was the fact that when his anger reached its peaks, it was Alice's face he saw – and the rage he felt then left him disgusted with himself.

When he nearly put his fist to Emmett's hard head, Jasper conceded that he needed help. That was when he started seeing Charlotte in Port Angeles. She was his old friend Peter's wife, and an excellent psychologist.

Charlotte reinforced what Bella started to tell him the day he signed the divorce papers. He'd never given himself the leeway to mourn his lost relationship, and the woman Alice had been before she got in the accident. In addition, he'd tapered down his anger - anger at James for damaging Alice's psyche so badly in the first place, anger that he'd had to pick up the pieces before he was really ready, anger at fate for putting Alice and her car in the wrong place at the wrong time, anger with God for her being hurt so badly and for killing the baby, and anger at Alice because she didn't remember.

Charlotte helped him realize that everyone had a breaking point. His had been the combination of the finality of signing the divorce papers - something she praised him for as it couldn't have been easy to admit that his marriage was over - and losing the possibility of Bella all at once. His fit that night had lit the flame. The anger he'd bottled up for so long acted as an accelerant. Everything was much more intense because he hadn't dealt with his emotions for years.

Emotions, Charlotte explained, were, by definition, not rational. They simply happened. What he could help was how he reacted to what he felt. Once he understood where his anger came from and why it was so strong, Jasper was better able to deal with it. He knew to stay still and take deep breaths until he was calm. He invested in a punching bag - which he set up in the room he'd finally emptied of Alice's things.

Weeks turned into months. It was six months since he'd last seen Bella, and she was still very much in his life. They didn't speak - not in voice, or even through letters. Their little packages to each other said all the words they couldn't.

Bella often sent him cookies - enough that he could share with Emmett. He wondered if she did that on purpose - making sure that he kept what little social life he had. If it was her intention, it worked. Jasper often found himself getting off his ass and visiting Emmett and Rosalie, if only to share Bella's baking. She took to his idea of highlighting favorite quotes in the books she sent. He'd never really been into fiction as much. Christopher Moore certainly, perhaps a little  _Hitchhiker's Guide_ , but that was the extent of it. He found the classics were more enjoyable when he looked at them through Bella's eyes.

Sometimes, the underlined quotes seemed to speak to him - striking a chord deep inside of him that ached for only her. They seemed to reflection of his regret that they hadn't met under different circumstances. There was a tenor about those passages that spoke of missed opportunities, and possibilities of what could have been.

The day his divorce was finalized he'd indulged again in a little alcohol. He allowed himself to think of the positives. He was free to start again. He knew that Bella cared for him; he thought of pursuing the possibility of a relationship with her.

But their one night together had caused her so much pain. She'd had so much more to lose than he had. He didn't know how to approach a relationship when he had already cost her so much. Not only that, but what did he have to offer? Would he propose that she move down to Forks? There was nothing for her here. She would be miserable, and the women her age in the town would be overwhelmingly nasty. All that aside, on a personal level he had nothing to offer. Charlotte pointed out that perhaps it was time he thought about what he wanted for himself - as a singular entity - rather than even trying to think about the possibility of couplehood, at least for the time being.

He needed a do-over. He needed a reset button.

Then it dawned on Jasper that he had a chance that not many frustrated souls had. There was no one depending on him. There was nothing that tied him to the small town of Forks. Esme had Carlisle. Emmett and Rosalie were busy with their newborn son.

The day he decided to sell his house - a little more than six months since the last day he'd seen her - Alice appeared on his front stoop with her intimating fiancé. Jasper took a step backward, shock and a little sliver of fear going down his spine. He really didn't want to have to be put in a position where he had to choose between hurting the man who Alice was going to marry, and letting himself get hurt. Again.

Alice spoke before he could. She was wringing her hands fitfully, obviously anxious. "We're not... I'm.." she tried. Then she took a deep breath. "I need to talk to you about a few things," she said all in one breath. "Felix... I just need him to be here. I hope you understand. I thought for a long time that you were someone to be afraid of. My... my body still thinks that. Do you understand?" she asked, looking up at him with tension in her eyes.

Jasper blinked stupidly for a moment, processing her words. "Thought? You don't think that anymore?" He couldn't help the hope that bled into his voice.

A small shudder went through her tiny body, and her eyebrows knitted together. It was taking a lot for her to be here. "I'm sorry," he said, backing away from the door and gesturing that they should enter. "Whatever you need. I'll let you talk."

"I'm Felix Scarpinato," Felix introduced himself as stepped in the door. He offered his hand, and, a little bewildered, Jasper took it. "I'm sorry about the first time we met," he said sincerely.

Jasper had to shake his head to dispell the surreal atmosphere that had settled over the room. "Uh - I don't think any of us wanted things to go down the way they did. For what it's worth, I don't hold it against you. Just have a seat. Can I get you anything to drink?"

"I'd really appreciate some water," Alice said in a small voice that made his heart ache automatically.

"Yeah, of course," he said, nodding. He noticed how Felix put his arm around her, responding to the tone of her voice. Jasper shook his head again, acknowledging and dismissing the echo of an echo that still thought it was his job to comfort her.

"I'm fine," Felix said at Jasper's questioning look.

Jasper nodded again, hating feeling so awkward, and scampered off to the kitchen to retrieve Alice's water. As he poured, he noticed his hands were shaking ever so slightly. His mind was racing at the same time he wished it would go blank all together. He didn't want to think about why Alice might be here - in the living room he'd once hoped to share with her. Over the last few months, with Charlotte's help, he'd begun to come to terms with the idea that he'd have to live with the fact that Alice thought he was James. He was afraid to hope that somehow - some way - she'd finally remembered .

Alice took the glass that he offered with both hands. She sipped slowly and he could see that her hands were trembling much worse than his. Felix rubbed her shoulders supportively. It took her a little over a minute before she reached in her purse and pulled out a Dictaphone. She set it on the coffee table between them and pushed play.

In an instant, James's voice filled the room. Jasper saw red, his fists clenching automatically. He closed his eyes and breathed slowly in and out as James spoke about Alice the way he always had. He talked down about her. He called her terrible names. He tore her to pieces with his words.

Jasper couldn't take it. His hand darted out before he could consciously think about it and he slammed the stop button down. He was breathing hard. Too hard. He struggled to control his rage, hating that the monster's voice had tainted the purity of his home. This place was supposed to be well out of James's range of influence. This place was supposed to be where he could build back what James had destroyed. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice tight and raw as he tried to calm down.

"No," Alice's shaky voice made him look up. His eyes opened, finding her sad eyes on him. "I'm sorry."

He looked at her and waited.

"I'm sorry," she repeated. "I don't remember it the...right way. I mean..." she swallowed hard and tried again. "I do and I don't. I... I remember a lot of the good things. But I tried so hard not to think of those things, because I didn't want to fall into the trap again. I didn't want to remember what it felt like when you made me laugh if you were also the one who made me cry."

Jasper slumped slightly in his chair, but before he could react, Alice continued. "But when Edward brought that to me... and after everything that's happened, I had to consider that you all were telling the truth. I mean - there was a point when I had to accept that for my memories to be true, it would have taken a conspiracy that would have put OJ Simpson's defense attorneys to shame."

Jasper's eyes darted up again, widening. She was smiling. It was a tiny, unsure smile, but it was there. He laughed once, under his breath.

Alice continued talking, telling him how out of hand it had gotten. She remembered waking up and being confused as to what time she was in. She remembered having a boyfriend but couldn't remember his name. Jasper was there - her friend Jasper, but he told her that he was her husband. He held her hand and told her over and over again that they were married and they loved each other.

Little by little, flashes of memories started to come back to her. Some, like she told Jasper, were happy memories with him. Some were more frightening memories of yelling, and being shaken, and feeling like she had to walk on eggshells. They were confusing, painful memories.

In that hospital, with her parents gone and her other friends leaving nothing more than get well cards, Alice's entire world was Jasper. Put that way, it was almost natural that her mind started to believe that Jasper was both the angel and the devil of her shattered memories. He was the one she loved, and he was the one who hurt her terribly.

The counselor that had been assigned to talk to her looked very concerned at some of her memories. Alice remembered feeling ashamed that she allowed herself to be treated that way. She remembered someone, some time, telling her that her boyfriend wasn't good for her. He would only end up hurting her. He was wrong. The counselor had gently asked if Alice had anywhere else to go. Friends. Relatives. Alice had no one. But it was enough to plant a seed. Her parents were dead. Her baby was dead. She'd almost died herself. She wanted a chance at life. She ran.

Years of counseling had only reinforced the story she'd pieced together from her shards of memories. Controlling men, as she remembered Jasper to be, were often monsters one moment and then tender lovers the next. It was a game designed to keep their victims complacent and believing that they were in love. And didn't everyone want to be loved?

As she'd begun to put herself together, making herself into the new, mostly unafraid woman she was now, she had done everything in her power to put Forks - and everything that had happened there - well behind her. As far as she was concerned, she was born the day Edward and Bella coaxed her into the counseling center.

"I need you to know that I know. I mean… I believe you," Alice stumbled.

For a minute, Jasper was sure that he'd heard wrong. And then he laughed – the sound wry and breathless and giddy all at once. His breath left him in one slow, long gust, and when he breathed in again, it seemed like for the first time in a long time, his lungs felt full. There was a constant pressure pressing down on his chest, and for the first time since he'd received the call that Alice had been in an accident, the weight dissipated. Jasper leaned forward, his head in his hands. He felt close to weeping with the relief he felt. The world wasn't righted, but with that weight off his shoulders, he felt he could at least stand up straighter. "You have no idea what that means to me," he murmured softly.

He wanted to hold her – touch her – so badly then. Not because he felt some right as her lover, he knew they would never be that to each other gain, but because he ached to express the tumultuous emotions he felt physically, especially after all these years.

The past few months, Bella had sent him numerous pictures of her, Edward and Alice from the beginnings of their friendship. It was easy to see Alice's journey there. The earliest photos she was a shell – worse even than she had been after James had left her pregnant and heartbroken on the streets of Port Angeles. Her shoulders were hunched and her arms were wrapped around her torso. Her smile, as she looked at the camera, was non existent. She stood between Edward and Bella as if she needed their support to even face the rest of the world. As time went on, documented by the still images of her life without him, Alice slowly evolved. She stood up straighter. Her smile grew into a radiant grin. Some of the last photos Bella sent showed her on her own, hands on her hips as she hammed for the camera.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be there," he said sincerely, because as much as he wanted to communicate physically, he understood that part of her still thought he was the bad guy. For the time being, it was part of her psyche – like being afraid of the dark even when you knew no boogey man lurked.

"Don't apologize – not for that anyway. I know you did what you could," Alice said fervently. "And, besides that, I do want a favor from you." She breathed deeply, gripping Felix's hand before she spoke. She looked him in the eye – something she had avoided as much as possible to that point. "If there's anything these past months have taught me it's that I can't push my past away. It's part of me. Until recently, I didn't think there was anything positive left from my past. I think… well… I want to keep … I want to be able to talk. I think you can help me figure out what's real."

"Yeah, of course," Jasper promised instantly.

Alice's smile appeared again – small but present. She dropped her eyes back to her feet. "Thank you." She was silent for another few moments, sniffling quietly as she thought. "Just … one more question for now." She gulped several times and looked up again. "I don't remember hardly any of our… marriage. Little images. I remember you talking to my belly." She looked uncertain at this.

"Yeah. I did. A lot. You told me I was crazy spending so much time talking to a stomach," Jasper said softly, smiling sadly at the memory.

Alice nodded. "Were we happy?"

Jasper sat back in his chair, turning that phrase over in his head. His heart ached. Even though he knew he didn't want that life anymore – in fact, he longed for a completely different woman – the pain of the loss of his relationship with Alice was still fresh in his memory. "We were… in over our heads. Overwhelmed." He looked at her directly then, feeling nothing but tenderness for the woman he'd once hoped to share his life with. "But yeah. We were happy."

The side of her lip quirked, as if she wasn't quite sure how to feel about that. A short time later, she stood, walking with Felix to the front door. She hesitated on the porch and turned back to him. "I don't know if I can forgive Bella for what she did… but… I still care about her. I'm pretty sure she's in love with you." Alice chuffed. "At least… that's the only reason I can figure that she did what she did."

**~0~**

Two weeks after Alice's visit, Jasper walked into Forks Police Station as an officer for the last time. He walked out a regular citizen. It felt strange to him, losing that definition, but at the same time he felt free.

Alice's admission had relieved him of the guilt and frustration he'd carried for too long. He finally felt ready to close that chapter of his life and move on to hopefully greener pastures. His house was empty - all of the limited items he owned safely stored away for the time being. Alice had retrieved the roomful of things he'd saved for her. They were no longer his burden either - holding onto a past that she'd tried so desperately to make believe had never happened.

He was starting over - back where he should have been when he graduated high school. Jasper took some time to visit his mother in Florida first. As Alice sent him the occasional e-mail asking a random question about their past, it occurred to him that he didn't remember the person he'd set out to be - before life had thrown him the curve ball of the woman he'd pined after being finally his, though pregnant with another man's child. He wondered if his mother remembered his hopes and dreams before they'd been set aside.

Jasper's mother did him one better than faded memories. She produced a faded envelope with his name written across the front. It was written in a sloppy, boy's scrawl that he didn't recognize as his own until he opened the envelope.

The instructions at the top of the page were simple. He was to write a letter to his future self about what he hoped to be doing when he graduated college. The date placed the letter as being written around the time he was graduating from junior high to go on to high school. The directions further instructed that he was to seal the envelope and entrust to a parent for safekeeping until his college graduation.

"After everything ... I just forgot about it. I found it again only a couple of months ago, but I kept forgetting to tell you I had it," his mother said, ruffling his hair affectionately.

His eighth grade self was full of a sense of wonder he could barely remember. He babbled on about a love of history and maybe working in a museum but then confided in his future self that he really couldn't decide. He loved knowledge. There wasn't a subject available to him that didn't find some sort of fascination with.

Except math.

The eighth grader in question was fairly certain that his algebra teacher was full of shit about using all the crap equations jammed in his head. His current self agreed - he had never used the math skills that had been thrown at him throughout his school career. Liars.

After a few days with his mother, Jasper flew back to the comforts of Washington. Forks held nothing for him anymore, but that didn't mean that his home state didn't still call to him.

As he'd read over his eighth grade words, a plan had formulated in his head. At 18 or 19, when most kids were being unleashed on the "real" world for the first time, not many of them truly knew what their calling was. Jasper had already tried heading out into the world of employment. It was time to try his other option - college.

He had enough saved to put in first month's rent on an apartment in the good side of town - near to where he knew Bella's apartment to be, but that was beside the point - and hoped the sale of his house would support him as he went back to school full time. Not wanting to waste money, Jasper applied to the local community college. In his mind, the general education units that were the cornerstone of any bachelor's degree could be just as easily obtained at a community college as at a full fledged university. And it would be a great deal cheaper on top of it. By the time he was finished with his gen ed credits, he should have a better idea about what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. That was the plan, anyway.

With that much decided, Jasper was finally able to focus on what he knew for sure he wanted. Or, rather, who.

It seemed to take forever to get to Bella's place from his temporary living quarters in a hotel by SEA-TAC, but the instant he got there, Jasper was sure it hadn't taken long enough. He was suddenly worried about ridiculous things. His hair was a lot longer than it had been when she met him. What if she didn't like it? He combed his fingers through his hair self consciously before rolling his eyes at his own ridiculousness.

His underlying fear – that whatever passed between half a year before was more one-sided than he'd imagined – was put to rest almost instantly. Bella opened her door, her face drawn and so tired looking – yet as beautiful as he remembered – that his lips automatically pursed in concern. Her eyes met his, going blank for one moment before they went wide and lit up brighter than the Las Vegas strip. "Jasper? Jasper!" She cried as she hurtled herself into his arms.

He hardly had time to return her fierce hug before she had stumbled back a couple of steps. Then she was shoving him and hitting him - not hard, but it was shocking nonetheless.

"You're in trouble," an amused voice informed him. Jasper looked away from Bella's furious face to see Edward grinning at him. The bronze-haired man got up, clapping Jasper once on the shoulder before walking past him out the door. "And didn't I tell you to stop letting people beat you up?" He laughed again and leaned in to kiss Bella's forehead. "I'll see you around."

As soon as he walked away, Jasper turned his bewildered gaze back toward Bella. The fury had drained from her face, and she stood with her hand clamped hard over her mouth, her eyes filing with tears. "Bella?" he said, uncertainly taking a step toward her. She didn't move. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Her eyes narrowed and she stepped forward, putting a finger in his face. "You! You disappeared you idiot!" she exploded. Then she was pacing back and forth in front of him. "Do you have any idea what it did to me? Carlisle and Esme went to look at a house for sale in Forks only to find out it was  _yours_...and you were no where to be found. How could you do that to me? I thought you'd disappeared forever," she ranted, all but oblivious to his presence.

Under different circumstances Jasper would have straight out smacked his forehead for his own idiocy. Instead, he stepped in front of her, putting both hands on her shoulders to stop her frantic movements. "I didn't think... I didn't stop to think of how it would look if you found out."

Her shoulders slumped and she calmed then, stepping forward into his embrace. Jasper breathed deep, taking all of her in. It felt so good to have her slight body tucked against his. "I was just so scared that I'd never see you again," she mumbled against his chest.

They sat on her couch, putting a little distance between them as Jasper explained everything that had happened in the last few weeks. His heart panged when Bella expressed surprise that Alice had visited him. Their friendship was in such shambles that Bella hadn't even known that Alice went back to Forks, let alone that they occasionally e-mailed.

And then, he finally got to the part that had led him to come to Seattle in the first place; what had brought him to her door.

"I've thought a lot about your dad in the last few months," he admitted.

Bella looked confused. "My dad?" she echoed.

He couldn't help but smile at the way her nose crinkled along with her eyebrows when she spoke. Even after all the time they'd spent apart, that fire of adoration - of love - sparked hope in him, giving him the courage to say what he'd come to say. "I thought about how different his life might have been if he hadn't gone after your mom and you. He probably would have ended up just like I did - working in the police station, climbing the ladder and coming home to an empty house."

"But you went after Alice at first," Bella said, still not catching on.

Jasper's lips quirked up into a half grin and he reached out, stroking her cheek. "I wasn't talking about Alice," he said, his voice low and serious.

Her eyes searched his - hopeful, but scared to assume.

"Bella... I want to," he searched for the right words. "I want the chance to figure out what we have together. If that's what you want."

Her eyes fluttered as she blinked at him, and then a radiant, beautiful grin spread over her face. She pressed her lips together, as if trying to contain the giddy smile so she could answer seriously. "Well, I have one question."

Both of his eyebrows shot up at the semi-serious look on her face. "What's that?"

"You're not a police officer anymore..."

His hands found hers on the sofa cushion. When she wrapped her fingers with his, he had to fight back a smile of his own. "Does that make you upset?" She was confusing the hell out of him, but he was right on the cusp of happiness. He could feel it. He could see it.

"No," she shook her head. "But... did you... by any chance... keep the uniform?"

Jasper blinked at her for one second before he threw his head back with a full bellied laugh of complete adoration and amusement. "Come here," he murmured, tugging at her hands. Obediently, she scooted toward him, wrapping her arms around him as she curled against his side. He cupped her cheek with one hand, taking in the happiness that sparkled in her eyes. He kissed her once, filling the moment with all the tenderness and affection he had for her. He felt, finally, at home. "I kept the uniform," he rumbled against her lips before he kissed her in earnest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So...uh... I forgot to warn you that this is a short story. Just one more chapter and an epilogue.
> 
> I'm doing a little better on my New Year's resolution to review reply to everyone. Not there yet, so bare with. I appreciate each and every one of your comments and I love that you're enjoying this story. I'm just trying to juggle two jobs and two fics.
> 
> Love always to the amazing josieswan and barbaurella. I'm surrounded by awesome.


	12. Unintended

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedication: To my Melly. I love you. Obviously. Thanks for "making" me write this.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own them, they own me...but Stephenie owns them so I guess she owns me. Thanks SM.

_**"You could be my unintended  
Choice to live my life extended  
You should be the one I'll always love  
I'll be there as soon as I can  
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before"** _

_**~ Unintended, Muse** _

"Ugh. Look at you. You've become one of those disgusting couples who can't stop looking at each other even when you're apart."

Bella looked over her shoulder to where Edward sat on her couch. He was pretending to give her a disgusted look, but she could see the humor in his green eyes. She turned back to her laptop and the picture that had prompted his comment. Her desktop background was a picture of Jasper. He'd just woken up, so his eyes were sleepy, but soft as he looked at her, and his hair was a honey blond mess around his head, sticking up everywhere. Bella smiled to herself, remembering his sleep-laden voice when he teased her. "I didn't know you were a photographer."

She'd knelt on the bed, snapping another picture of him as he stretched. "I'm thinking of becoming one of those photographers who specializes in only one subject."

Edward's snapping fingers drew her out of her pleasant memory. She looked at him, blinking as if in a little bit of a haze. Edward laughed. "God, you're so gross."

Rolling her eyes, Bella quickly reached over and snatched his cell phone out of his hands. She gave him a pointed look when she saw the person he was texting was, of course, Benjamin. Then she flipped to the home screen and raised an eyebrow at him, holding up the phone to show his background. It was a picture of Benjamin sitting on Edward's lap. Edward looked like he was biting his neck, and Benjamin was mid-full bodied laugh. It was a cute picture.

Grabbing back his phone as the text chime went off again, Edward sat back on the couch. "Whatever; it doesn't make you less disgusting."

With another roll of her eyes, Bella returned to her work. She reluctantly opened up the document she needed, covering Jasper's beautiful, bedroom eyes.

The two friends sat in silence for a few minutes before Edward spoke again. "So things with Jasper are going well?"

Again Bella smiled, a warm flush coming over her. It had been nearly two months since Jasper had finally stepped back into her life. There had been some missteps, of course. Besides being a new couple, they were also both new to serious relationships, but they were both learning.

"I'd say that's an understatement, but you knew that," Bella answered.

"Just wanted to hear you say it," Edward responded. "Benjamin has been wanting to double date, but we didn't want to step on your toes." He grinned at her, waggling his eyebrows. "Most couples want a little time to themselves at first. Easier that way, when you can't keep your hands off each other."

Bella quickly turned back to her laptop so he wouldn't see her blush. She cleared her throat, holding back a childish impulse to tell him exactly what they'd done on the couch, in the very same spot he was sitting on. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well, we have extra tickets to the theater," Edward suggested lightly.

"Oh, the theater. Jasper would love that. But I don't think he owns a tux," she said wistfully. Jasper would look fantastic in a tux.

"Don't worry about that. Benjamin and I will take him out. We'll get him fitted," he assured.

Bella turned around to give her friend the hairy eyeball. "You just want to ogle my boyfriend in the dressing room."

"That is entirely beside the point. He gets advice on a tux that will look fantastic on him - right cut, right length, all of that. If I accidentally get a glimpse of, well, whatnot, I will graciously ignore it like the gentleman I am," Edward said primly.

"Sure you will," Bella snorted. "I'll ask him. But if he agrees, you're going to keep your hands to yourself."

**~0~**

Jasper looked absolutely, jaw-droppingly stunning in his new tux. The cut of the fabric showed off his long, lean body perfectly. His hair was skirting the edge of tamed and unruly. He was delicious. He was hers.

As they approached the theater, Jasper kept tugging at his tie with the hand Bella wasn't holding. Bella stopped them, standing in front of him so she could fix the damage he'd done. "Was it too tight?"

"No," he answered, smiling as he watched her fuss with his tie. "I'm just not used to wearing one. That's all. It feels weird."

Bella stood on her tiptoes to kiss him quickly. "I don't like dressing up either."

His hands went to her waist as he looked her up and down, one side of his lips tugging upward as he grinned. "Have I told you that you look so beautiful tonight?"

"You might have mentioned it," Bella responded, tilting her head up for another, slightly longer kiss.

Over Jasper's shoulder she spied something that made her gasp. Then she narrowed her eyes.

"What is it?" Jasper asked, concerned.

She sighed. "Have I ever told you that the Cullen brothers are prone to meddling?"

"Meddling?" Jasper echoed.

Bella nodded her head at something a little ways away. Jasper turned, seeing Felix and Alice talking with Carlisle and Esme. He turned back to Bella. "Oh, I see."

"It's just ridiculous," Edward said a little while later when Bella demanded he explain himself. "Alice misses you. You miss Alice."

Squeezing Jasper's hand, Bella glared at her friend. "It's not just about forcing us together again. Whether it's deserved or not, Alice has an automatic reaction to Jasper's presence."

"It's a matter of conditioning," Edward responded. When she gave him a hard look he rushed to explain. "Bella, think about it. Are we going to go the rest of our lives walking on eggshells? I want to be able to invite both of you to a party. Or think about Carlisle and Esme. When they, inevitably, get married what are you going to do? Esme would want Jasper there, and you know Carlisle loves you and Alice both.

"Right now they are all the way across the theater from us. Alice is aware you're here, but she's not going to panic. It's just a matter of getting her used to Jasper as a positive presence in her life again." Edward's eyes flitted up to Jasper's and he smiled warmly before looking back to Bella. "Alice still loves you, sweetheart. She still wants good things for you. The more she sees how happy you are with Jasper, the more she'll overwrite negative feelings with positive ones."

Bella sighed but smiled at her well-meaning friend. "You can't fix everything that's been broken, Edward."

"No, but I can try."

**~0~**

As months went by, Edward, Carlisle and Esme continued with their campaign to set right what had gone terribly wrong. Despite many awkward moments, it must have worked because one day, Alice showed up outside Bella's door unannounced.

There was a nervous tightness about her eyes, but nothing as strong as the visible shaking and hand-wringing the entire situation had brought on monhts before.

"Hi," Bella said on a breath, completely surprised.

"Hey," Alice responded, her lips twinging just slightly. "Um. Can I talk to you?"

Bella blinked sporadically, realizing that she was being rude. "Yeah. Come in. Sorry," she said hurriedly, stepping aside.

They went into the living room, and Bella hated the uncomfortable atmosphere that existed between them. It wasn't the first time she'd missed her best friend since this whole debacle began, but it seemed to ache more given that Alice was right in front of her.

They sat down, facing each other, and Bella waited. She had to fight back when, after all the months of silence and stilted conversation, the words flowed like water. As usual, Alice began in the middle of a conversation. Bella was surprised at how much she'd missed that particular quirk.

"I don't know. I was making plans the other day with Jane." Alice's nose scrunched up as she said Felix's younger sister's name. Jane could be... unpleasant. "I just kept thinking that you should be there. I wanted you there instead of Jane. And then I got all self righteous, thinking that you should have thought of that before you slept with my ex-husband."

Alice looked up, her uncertain eyes meeting Bella's as a small smile graced her features. "And then I started laughing. Jane thought I was going insane. But it's all so... I don't know. When did my life turn into a soap opera, you know?"

Carefully, Bella smiled back, laughing lightly under her breath. "Truth can be stranger than fiction." She paused, biting her lip before looking at her friend with all seriousness. "Alice... I don't... I never meant to hurt you. Everything was just so..." she gestured helplessly. There wasn't any excuse, but she felt like it would be better if Alice at least had a reason.

"You don't have to explain."

"I do!" Bella protested.

"No, I mean you don't have to explain because I think I get it," Alice interrupted.

Bella furrowed her eyebrows. "You do?"

"Yeah, I know you," Alice said sadly. "I thought about how it was from your point of view. Here was this beautiful man - because he is still beautiful, even I can admit that - who gave up everything to help a woman, no, a girl who never had the common sense to see the good thing that was right in front of her.

"Then ..." Alice breathed out in one whoosh, "just everything... everything went wrong for him. His wife left him. He was stuck in limbo for years." She looked up, her teary eyes filled with guilt. "If that's not worth a pity fuck, what is?"

Bella flinched, not sure where to even start with that. "Alice-"

"No," Alice waved her off. She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, that came out wrong." She grumbled under her breath and stood, pent up energy giving her the need to move. "This is very confusing for me. I have... so many years of anger... it just feels like it's in my blood. I feel... horrible about what I put him through, and I hate that I feel horrible because most of the time he still ... the bad guy still has his face in my mind." She laughed wryly at how ridiculous it sounded.

"None of that is your fault, Alice," Bella pointed out, wanting to go to her friend but stuck in her seat until she knew how Alice would react.

Alice stopped her restless pacing and plopped down on the couch as quickly as she'd begun. "Like I said, Bella. I know you. I know it was more than just a pity fuck. I know that... you love him. Love makes us all do crazy things. Love in that situation... well, I wish for our sake it hadn't happened that way. But it did."

She paused, taking another deep breath before looking up at Bella. "I think that we've both suffered enough for it. I miss you. I want my friend back."

Bella didn't say a word. Instead she got up and all but ran to Alice on the couch. For long minutes, the two of them hugged. Bella squeezed Alice so hard the smaller woman squeaked. "Oops," Bella said, loosening her hold but not letting go of Alice entirely. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

Alice sniffled and laughed. "I forgot how exuberant you are."

Bella laughed but then the sound choked off with a short sob. "I'm so sorry."

"Shh," Alice soothed. "I know." They rocked each other back and forth for a few minutes. "Bella, come to the wedding. I need you there."

"Of course."

**~0~**

Bella came out of the bathroom with a towel tucked around her, using another towel to dry her hair. She stood in front of the mirror, zoning out a little as she worked. She was brought back to the present as a socked foot traced a toe along the inside of her leg. Her smile spread, sending a now familiar warmth through her.

"Jasper," she said warningly, but she couldn't keep amusement out of her eyes as she met his in the mirror.

"What?" he asked innocently, but his foot continued up her leg, lifting the towel as it went. His lips pursed as his eyes traveled slowly down her body. Bella felt her skin grow heated under his gaze, hunger stirring in her at the look that crossed his face. His eyes met hers again. "You're not wearing any underwear."

"I haven't gotten there yet," she responded evenly, her voice gravely.

"Hmm," he hummed, shifting and sitting on the edge of the bed, directly behind her. "That could be convenient."

He put both of his pointer fingers at the upper center of her back, skirting the edge of the towel as he worked them slowly toward her front. Bella threw the towel in her hands down on the dresser, watching his fingers move toward her front, where the towel that was wrapped around her was clinched. "I have to get ready," she said, but her protest was weak.

He snorted lightly, his eyes still on hers in the mirror. "You always get ready at least an hour before you need to." His eyes sparked mischievously as he crooked one finger in the clinch of the towel and tugged, sending the fabric cascading down to her feet. He let his fingers trace nonsensical patterns against her skin, over her breasts, pressing lightly on her nipples. "There's so much we can do with a spare hour," he said, his lips tickling her back as he spoke. Bella sighed as she felt moist kisses against her back.

When her knees started to get weak Bella leaned forward, putting her hands on the dresser. She was almost sitting on his lap. He wasn't wearing anything other than his boxer shorts, and she swore she could feel heat radiating from his skin, drawing her closer.

He was comfort.

He was home.

Jasper stood then, his hands starting on her hips before inching their way down. Bella ground her ass against his boxer-covered length, feeling how he was growing hard for her. His breath shuddered in her ear as his hands found her thighs. He guided her legs apart, then returned one hand to her hip while the other began to rub against her center.

Bella remembered their first time together - how words like gentle and slow seemed abhorrent. She needed him inside her, quickly. Their minutes together were numbered and every second they spent apart seemed like a waste.

Now, though, sex between them was completely different. Of course, there were those days of hard and fast, when their need for each other was urgent and he bent her over the kitchen table or she straddled him on the couch. But there was never desperation in their lovemaking, and days like today they could luxuriate in a slow, steady, building burn for each other.

Jasper was in no rush, using his talented fingers and deep, sexy voice to show and tell her exactly what he felt. His fingers teased her, making her whimper and thrust against his hand. He whispered to her as his fingers slid inside of her, making her gasp. She answered his playful questions with throaty, teasing responses of her own and answered the dirty-sweet things he said with low moans of pleasure.

When Bella was sure she was on the brink of insanity with the need to have him inside her, she spun. She wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him until they were both breathless, and making sure every inch of her nude body was pressed against his.

He grunted against her lips, holding her around the waist so he could turn them around. When their lips parted he pushed her gently onto the bed. "Lay down," he commanded, and Bella obeyed quickly, scooting up so her head rested on the pillows at the head of the bed.

Jasper quickly kicked off his boxers and went to kneel between her spread legs. He ran his hands over her belly, raising goosebumps of pleasure, and then down to the backs of her knees. He lifted first one leg, then the other, over his shoulders, and then ran the head of his cock along her slit.

"You want this, baby?" he asked, grinning down at her. With that seductive smile, she would have gladly taken him any way he asked.

"Now. Please," she begged, her hands gripping his arms.

As he began to thrust inside of her, he widened his stance so his legs were spread as he knelt between hers. His hands gripped her just above her knees, giving him the ability to slip deep inside her as he found a steady tempo. Bella gasped as he found that elusive sweet spot . Her eyes nearly rolled back into her head, but she found the pleasure of looking into his eyes too great. The connection between them as they moved together was not one she wanted to break. Bella reached her hands up, threading her fingers with Jasper's above her knees and rising slightly off the bed to meet each one of his thrusts.

He whispered, "I love you," when their rhythm was still slow and easy because he'd told her once that it seemed more sincere than if he'd waited until the height of orgasm.

Regardless, he said it again then.

Afterward, they laid together quietly, enjoying the intimate silence that settled over them in their post-coital state. Bella reflected how much had changed about Jasper since she'd met him nearly a year before.

As they'd grown together as a couple, Bella had found more of the playful side of him that she'd only barely glimpsed in Forks. He always made her laugh, and seemed to enjoy laughing right along with her. It was such a difference from the man she'd first met - the weight of his struggles reflecting in his tired, blue-gray eyes.

Bella knew that she'd fallen in love with Jasper in Forks, but the man he was now was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. It was almost frightening how certain she was of that one fact. She'd never known someone as well and completely as she knew him, and never been known - for every fault and every secret and every minute facet - as he knew her.

And because they knew each other so well, Bella knew that there was something wrong. It was a no-brainer, today of all days.

It was bound to be an off-day when your ex-wife was getting married.

"Talk to me," Bella commanded quietly, stroking her fingers through his hair as he laid his head on her chest.

"I thought you had to get ready," he deflected but made no move to leave.

Bella tugged on his hair gently. A warning. She knew him better than that. Something had been bothering him all day and while she could guess what it was, she needed him to put it in his own words. Jasper sighed.

"I don't know, it's not anything really," he began. "It's just a little surreal. I know, technically speaking, that my marriage to Alice only lasted a few months. But all those years, she was part of me - even though she wasn't there."

He raised his head, scooting up so he could lay beside her on the pillows. Tenderly, he ran the pad of his finger over her lips, tracing the line of her jaw. "I need you to know I'm happy, Bella. I didn't really know I could be this happy, or that life could be this way."

Bella smiled back at him, wrapping her hand around his wrist so she could still his fingers. She kissed his fingertips and waited for him to continue.

"I guess it's just a little surreal today. I spent so much time thinking about the day I could give her this - a fairytale wedding surrounded by all of our family and friends." He smiled, a little sadly. "Today it feels like I stepped into an alternate universe. Here I am, completely in love with another woman, and honestly happy for my ex-wife, who's marrying a man who isn't me."

She studied his eyes. "What else?" she prompted gently. Jasper was learning that he didn't always have to show a stiff upper lip when things bothered him. Sometimes she had to prompt him, not letting him fall into old habits of hiding his pain away, no matter how minute.

A few moments passed as Jasper looked down, threading their fingers together as he tried to formulate an answer. He grumbled slightly under his breath. "It's just a domino effect. I got to thinking about all the time I've wasted. I'm 28 years old. I have no career. No family. No idea what I'm really going to do with my life." He sighed. "It feels weird sometimes. You going off to work while I stay home and study. It feels... off balance."

"Jasper," she admonished gently. "How can you say you've wasted all your time?" She shook her head. "Do I have to break this down  _It's a Wonderful Life_  style?"

Jasper looked at her, bemused. "What are you talking about?"

"For a very smart man, you are being a little dumb," she said teasingly. "Think about what your life has meant to other people. You gave Alice a second chance. If you hadn't been there for her, James would have eventually come back - just like he did - and then what? She probably would have gone back to him.

"And then Esme. You want to know a secret?" she asked, waggling her eyebrows comically.

"Of yours, doll? Always," Jasper said, his smile getting wider and easier as the distant misery faded from his eyes.

"Esme's pregnant," Bella revealed.

"You're kidding," Jasper's grin then was radiant. "That's... wow. Carlisle must be over the moon."

"He's jazzed," Bella agreed. "And if you hadn't been there for her when she needed you, she probably would have missed that chance - to be a mother, and to know how it felt to be loved by a real man."

Jasper was silent for a second, then he rolled over, propping himself up on one arm. "Do you know?"

"How it feels to be loved by a real man?" she asked. He nodded and she smirked at him. "Weren't you here, what was it, 10 minutes ago?"

He leaned in, running the tip of his nose along her shoulder. "Maybe you should remind me," he suggested, pressing his lips to her skin.

Bella swiftly, though reluctantly, rolled away from him, standing and retrieving her towel from where it had been so thoughtlessly discarded before. "Now I really do have to get ready, seeing as I have to shower all over again." She pretended to send him a disparaging grin, but then smiled and leaned forward, kissing him once before she disappeared back into the bathroom.

When she emerged Jasper had rearranged himself on her bed. He was wearing a pair of sweatpants and had his schoolbooks spread around him - all business. In the short time he'd been back at school, Jasper had proved he had a love of learning. As if she needed more reasons to love him.

He looked up and whistled as his eyes devoured her. "That's… a very nice dress."

Bella flushed, pleased with his compliment. "It's from the Volturi line, of course. Since it was too late to make me maid-of-honor, Alice said I had to wear one of her father-in-law's favorite dresses." She smoothed down the silky fabric self consciously. "You really think I can pull it off?"

Jasper laughed, shaking his head at her. "If you don't leave soon, I'll be pulling it off for you," he said with a wink.

Smiling, Bella went to the edge of the bed and leaned down for one last kiss. She stroked his cheek, easily spotting the slight ache he was trying to hide from her. She bit her lip, considering.

"Bella," Jasper said warningly, "don't even thinking about it. Go. Be there for Alice. I'm fine, I promise."

With a small sigh, Bella kissed him again. "I love you," she said, earning the grin that made her heart full to bursting. She smiled back and then stood, turning to leave before she got distracted all over again.

When she got to the church, Edward and Benjamin walked up to her car. She was glad because the smattering of camera people who were hanging around outside were somewhat intimidating.

"There you are!" Edward exclaimed, opening her door. "I was beginning to worry. You're never this late."

"We still have half an hour," she defended. "I got held up."

Standing to Edward's side, Benjamin snickered and put on a saucy grin. "I'll bet you got held up. Your legs got held straight up in the air, I'd wager."

Bella flushed bright red, completely negating any attempt she would make to dispel that assumption. She smacked Benjamin's shoulder.

"Don't worry," he said, laughing. "That freshly sexed up glow looks fantastic. Especially with that dress."

This time Edward smacked his shoulder, but then both men started laughing in earnest.

"Oh, sure. Great friends you are. Laughing at my expense," she said disparagingly, marching past them to get to the church.

"Don't be mad, sweetheart," Edward said as they both caught up to her. Each of them looped an arm around hers. Edward leaned in close to her ear. "He's one to talk. He was in much the same position earlier today."

Benjamin snickered, completely unashamed. "Exactly. Takes one to know one," he said softly, making Bella blush all over again.

Inside the church the ceremony began right on time. It was, like the decorations, lavish without being overdone. Perfect Alice.

There was a part of Bella that ached. She should be standing beside her best friend, where Jane was standing now. Instead, she was sitting in the audience as a supportive spectator. It felt wrong, and she almost wished that things were different.

But then, Bella realized that it was the sum of all the bad things that had brought the possibility of this particular happily ever after. That she knew Alice at all was a direct result of a life gone wrong; without James's abuse, the accident that stole her memories and her unborn child, and even the counselor that sparked the idea of escape in her, Alice would never have ended up in front of the counselor's office.

And Jasper…. All the time she spent wishing she could undo the things that had hurt him, but at what cost?

Their hands joined as they recited their vows, Alice and Felix looked radiant. Their happiness seemed to fill the room, like a choir echoing against the cathedral ceilings. On her right Carlisle sat with his arm around Esme, his other hand resting on her still flat belly. They were smiling so broadly Bella imagined their faces would hurt by the end of the day.

Bella felt a warm, soft hand in hers and looked to her left. Edward smiled at her, squeezing her fingers tightly before looking back to Alice and Felix. His other hand was wound with Benjamin's – another happy couple.

No, she decided. It was regrettable that bad things happened, but there was no room in life for regret. Surrounded by wonderful people, her best friend standing in front of her only seconds away from what promised to be wedded bliss, and an amazing man who would greet her with a smile and a kiss when she got home.

This was what happily ever after looked like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, imma leave the obligatory epic thank you a/n until the epilogue which I hope to post before the week is out.
> 
> This story's Tanya - who will make a reappearance in the epi - is currently featured in the the poll over at the Project Team Beta site. If you're interested in voting for her or one of the other Tanyas, go here:
> 
> /4zcz255
> 
> Thanks to josieswan and barbaurella for everything they do for me. Thanks to you for reading. Mwah.


	13. Fumbling Toward Ecstasy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedication: Dear Melly - this was actually a very rewarding journey. What was intended to be a light, humorous story took on a mind of its own. You can't say I don't love ya.
> 
> Disclaimer: SM created these beautiful creatures, and I am endlessly grateful that I get to play with them.

_**"All the fear has left me now** _

_**I'm not frightened anymore** _

_**It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh** _

_**It's my mouth that pushes out this breath** _

_**And if I shed a tear I won't cage it** _

_**I won't fear love,"** _

_**~Fumbling Toward Ecstasy, Sarah McLachlan** _

When Jasper bought the house in Forks, he'd still been clinging to dreams of filling it with a family. Even through all the years he'd lived there alone, he never gave up imaging the spare room filled with toys and a growing, giggling child or two.

His dreams, it seemed, had finally come to fruition, and even though it was not Jasper's own family that made his old house a home, he was glad he was there to see it.

When he put his house on the market two years before, Carlisle had snatched it up. Though Carlisle typically purchased and remodeled vacation homes, Jasper's house was too good an investment to pass up on. When Esme unexpectedly became pregnant, Carlisle sold his home in Seattle and moved his little family permanently to Jasper's old Forks house.

Today, the house was filled with extended family and friends - and the giggling of not only the children, but the adults as well.

"You're a traitor, Tia," Edward teased his tiny, eighteen month old niece. He was holding her as she strained in his arms for Benjamin. "Aren't I your favorite uncle?"

"Nooooooo," the little girl cooed, tittering as Benjamin held her hands, pretending to engage Edward in a tug of war. They ended up stretching her between them, Tia shrieking with laughter as they swung her back and forth.

When Edward let go of her legs, Tia clung to Benjamin. When she was situated with her arms safely around his neck she scrunched her nose at her blood-related uncle. "Mine!" she declared.

Edward turned slightly, giving Carlisle a slightly petulant look. "Is this the way you're raising your daughter?

Amused, Carlisle merely slung his arm around Esme's shoulders and grinned innocently at his brother. "Don't look at me, I'm just the father."

Seated between his spread legs on the room's recliner, with her back against his chest, Bella laughed at the scene before them. With a contented sigh, she leaned her head back against his shoulder, her nose tickling the skin of his neck. "Do you miss this place?"

"The house or Forks?" he asked, distracted as his fingers played with hers.

"Both."

"I miss Emmett and Rosalie," Jasper admitted, looking over to where his two friends stood in the kitchen. Emmett was trying to grab cookies right off the tray and Rosalie was smacking his hand with a spatula. "But no, I don't miss Forks or this house." Twining his fingers with hers, he brought their joined hands inward, wrapping his arms around her. "I was alone here."

He felt her lips curl up against his neck, and she kissed him there quickly. He closed his eyes briefly. With Bella in his arms and his friends – old and new - all around him, Jasper couldn't have imagined being happier than he was right at that moment.

"God, you're disgusting." Jasper opened one eye to find Edward standing over them with his hand on his hips, and a smile threatening the corner of his mouth. Edward made a show of rolling his eyes. "We're all very well aware how desperately in love you are."

Bella lifted foot to kick her friend's leg. "Shut up. You're just jealous because your boyfriend absconded with your niece and you're the only one who doesn't have anyone left to cuddle." She clucked in sympathy. "Odd man out again."

"I'll cuddle you!" a cheerful voice chimed in.

Edward laughed, putting his hands on his knees so he could lean down to Tanya's eye level. "Well thank you, sweetheart, but it looks like you have your hands full."

Indeed, Tanya's arms were full – as they always were when she visited – of Liam McCarty, Rosalie and Emmett's two year old. She had become instantly enamored of the little boy after Carlisle and Esme moved in – the couple watched the baby during the day while Rosalie and Emmett worked. Despite the fact Liam was sturdy lad and half Tanya's size, the eight year old never let him go if she could help it.

Jasper always teased Edward that Tanya had taken up with Liam on the rebound from her heart break over him.

Tanya worried her lip between her teeth looking from her old love to her current one. Liam, taking after his father, strained one hand toward Edward while he kept the other wrapped around Tanya. "There's 'nuff of me for both!" he exclaimed with a dimpled grin.

Bella shook in his arms as she cracked up laughing. Jasper looked around, not for the first time musing about the children. Precocious, energetic, bold Tanya. Charming Liam with his father's smile and his mother's outrageous beauty. Baby Tia – quiet and thoughtful, like her parents, with the Cullen streak of stubbornness.

He wondered what a child of his and Bella's would look like, act like. He'd been thinking about it a lot lately. But then, he was getting ahead of himself.

Bella shifted in his arms, making the item he'd hid behind his back dig painfully into his skin – another reminder of what he was going to do today.

"Jasper… are you okay?" Bella's concerned voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He looked down to find she was looking at him, her eyebrows and lips set in a serious line.

"Yeah," he answered, but his voice cracked slightly. He cleared his throat to cover it. "Why?"

"Your heart is pounding. I can feel it," she reached up, putting the back of her hand against his cheek as if checking for fever.

Catching her hand with his, Jasper kissed her fingers. He searched her eyes, finding the courage he needed in the adoration and devotion he always found reflected back at him when he looked at her. "I have something for you," he said finally.

Her eyebrows furrowed adorably with confusion, and Jasper had to smile. It still confused her when he gave her gifts just because he was thinking of her. She still fussed on her birthday and on Christmas. Jasper put a finger to her lips, stopping the inevitable protest. She pursed her lips and sighed, nodding that he should go ahead and give her the present if he absolutely had to.

Jasper felt his throat go dry as he sat up slightly, reaching behind him to pull out the book that had probably left a bruise on his back. It was a big, fancy thing. A hardback collection of the works of Shakespeare. He smiled softly at the absolute delight that crossed Bella's face. No matter how many times he gifted her with books, her reaction was always just as enthusiastic. It didn't even matter that she had most of these plays and poems in separate books at home, that the book was put together in a different way was enough for Bella to be ecstatic that she had it.

But there were other treasures tucked away in the pages - more to the surprise. Not wanting her to flip directly to the page that had his stomach twisting, he pushed her hands away from the book, opening it to one of the earlier pages.

The first half of the collection were sonnets and poems. As she flipped through the first pages she noticed right away that some passages, or a line here and there, were highlighted in his customary green. She chuckled with delight, giving Jasper a meaningful look. Since the months they spent apart - when they communicated only through other people's words - it was their habit to highlight passages that applied to them or their relationship. Jasper always used green, and she always used blue.

When she got into the plays, Jasper's heart sped up again. He watched her run her finger over a line he'd highlighted from  _Romeo and Juliet._

_Her I love now  
Doth grace for grace and love for love allow;_

_The other did not so._

When she got to the comedies both their breaths caught. As Bella flipped to  _Much Ado About Nothing_  she came to the pages he'd purposefully glued together so he could cut a section of pages out. Not many. Just enough to hold the single item that appeared beneath the most important section of highlighted text.

_Give me your hand before this holy friar._

_I am your husband, if you like of me_

Nestled in the cutaway pages was a diamond ring.

Jasper watched as Bella gasped, her hand going to her mouth. Her eyes scanned the text in front of her several times before she raised her teary gaze to him. He reached around her, plucking the ring from its hiding spot.

"This is fascinating." Neither Jasper nor Bella acknowledged Edward as he spoke. Jasper heard him, of course, but he was too wrapped up in the emotion that was welling between him and the woman he loved. "How are they doing this without words?"

Jasper raised an eyebrow at Bella, holding the ring up slightly with a questioning look.

"Is he... proposing to her?" Benjamin said, sounding perplexed.

A gasp Jasper easily recognized as Emse's told him that their audience was growing. He still didn't take his eyes off Bella.

Slowly, Bella dropped her hand, revealing the wide grin that had spread across her face. She grabbed for her purse, blindly digging around for a moment before producing a blue highlighter. Then she flipped through the book,expertly tracking down the page she needed in  _Henry IV_. He watched as her trembling fingers held the highlighter as carefully as possible, marking out a single line.

_Love for thy love, and hand for hand I give._

His answering grin was painfully wide. His heart pounded then, not with anxiety but with an elation he'd never felt before.

"Think they learned telepathy?" Emmett asked in a stage whisper.

"Shut up," Rosalie hissed. "Don't ruin this!"

Jasper took her hand in his. Pride and deep sense of satisfaction made trails through the boundless, overwhelming love he felt for Bella as he slid the simple, beautiful ring onto her finger. No sooner did he have it settled than Bella had yanked her hands away so she could throw her arms around his neck. She kissed him then - hard, joyous kisses through her bubbling laughter.

"She said yes," Edward informed the watching adults.

"You don't have to be a mind reader to see that," Benjamin laughed.

"Ewwwww," Tanya contributed, coming in and seeing the make-out session.

Bella pulled away from him, her cheeks flushing crimson as her eyes darted to the chuckling, grinning faces all around her. She seemed a little startled to see them, and laid her head on his shoulder, smiling sheepishly at her overzealous public display of affection.

As their friends descended on them, Jasper took a brief moment to appreciate the enormity of the second chance he'd been given. This house that had once held lonely days and blank walls now held the beginnings of not only his own, but the families of the friends he'd gained. He had a support system now - people who knew his troubles and were there to lean on when things got tricky. He had a purpose, a reason to not merely survive but truly live, and a stunning, amazing woman at his side to share in every triumph.

Most of all, Jasper felt the profound gift of hope and the luxury of attainable dreams. Where he had once stood still, desperately wishing for a way to undo his past, his future had been nothing but ephemeral mist slipping through his fingers. Now he allowed himself to imagine what the coming years would bring. First a proper wedding - family and friends coming together to support a good, solid union. Then he hoped to give his bad tempered, improbably named cat a human sibling or two. A pair of children that were a mix of Bella, and himself and yet completely unique.

Ignoring their friends one more time, Jasper put two fingers to Bella's cheek, turning her face back to his. Her eyes shone with happy tears, and he couldn't help placing one more kiss to her lips. "Are you happy?" he asked.

She laughed, kissing the tip of his nose. "A little bit of an understatement." A shadow crossed her face, almost too quick to see, but Jasper caught it.

"What is it?"

"Well," Bella hemmed. "It's selfish really. But I just wish Alice was here." She got a far away look in her eyes. "I wonder if she would be happy."

Alice and Felix were traveling, as they did nearly six months out of the year. They were helping build houses in Haiti at the present time. While she and Bella had lost some of the closeness they'd once shared, they were still best friends.

"She knows, actually," Jasper confessed, quietly. "I uh," he smirked because it sounded ridiculous. "I never thought to ask your dad's permission to ask to marry you, but I did ask hers. I wanted to be sure that she would be there with you, for you."

It had been a sign of respect that he felt he owed Alice. No matter what had happened between them, she was and would always be his first wife, his first love, and, no matter how improbably, the reason he'd met the love of his life. He'd had their wedding rings melted down into a small heart that he'd presented her with - a symbol of the piece of his heart that would always be hers.

"She said that if you thought about planning the wedding without her, she would physically harm you." They both laughed because Alice probably wasn't lying.

Then they had to turn their attention to Tanya who was jumping up and down beside their chair, having just figured out what was going on. "Can I come, can I come, can I come?"

Bella giggled at the little girl. "Welllllll," she pretended to think about it. "I was going to ask Edward to be my flower girl, but I think you would look a lot prettier. What do you say?"

"Yeah!" Tanya cheered.

Laughing, and filled with more happiness than he'd ever known, Jasper held Bella tightly. Once upon a time he lost everything. Now he had more than one man could have hoped for.

**~Fin~**

**  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you to jfka06 for help finding the right quotes. I was looking all damn day if you can believe it. ::head desk:: But Jasper was insistent that his girl should get a proposal that was tailored specifically to her.
> 
> Thank you, thank you, thank you to the beautiful, talented, awesome sauce Barbaurella for marking up my docs, putting up with my nonsense, and reminding me that I forgot a OH YEAH FUCKING IMPORTANT part of the epilogue. ::face palm::
> 
> Thanks to jadedandboring for beta work.
> 
> Thanks to all of you who have left me such great reviews. I hope you enjoyed the ride.


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